Day 4 – Change.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

So, I’ve been looking through the list of NaBloPoMo prompts, and this sense of deflation starts to wash over me. How the fuck do I answer that one? What am I supposed to write for this one? Why are these so hard? UGH. I CAN’T DO THIS!! THIS WAS SUCH A BIG MISTAKE!! Then, to add insult to injury, I discover in my Reader, the WordPress Daily Prompts.

Great. Just what I need. MORE writing challenges. Granted, nobody is forcing me to take part in any of these challenges, but I want to. I want to do it to prove something to myself…. I’m just not entirely sure what that is yet. Maybe it’s just to prove that I can stick to something for more than… oh look… shiny things!!

Perhaps that’s the one thing I would change about myself? My evident lack of dedication to things in life. Writing challenges, diets, savings. Y’know, all those great things that people struggle with on a daily basis. Maybe if I was more dedicated to something and actually applied myself, I’d see some kind of results?

But I think that’s too easy of an answer and the question itself is so open and generic. What would you change about yourself? Hands up those of you who just said stuff like ‘I’d change my height / weight / nose / lips / boobs etc’?? CONGRATULATIONS, you’re all superficial. Okay, now raise your hand if your response was ‘I don’t need to change anything about me. You can’t change perfection!’? CONGRATULATIONS, you’re also superficial… AND FUCKING ANNOYING. Actually, you lot can all go and take all your so-called perfection along with your motivational / inspirational quotes that you like to bombard my Facebook newsfeed with and lock yourself away from society. You’re the ones who need to change the most. You’re not fooling anybody with that happy-as-a-pig-in-shit exterior and your fantasy world where everything is just AH-MAH-ZING and you’re blessed to have such wonderful amazing people in your life, and everything’s all puppies and rainbows.

…get me a bucket.

You lot are the ones that make me want to self-harm. I’m not sure exactly what it is about your sickening positivity that sends me into a murderous rage – I haven’t quite worked it out, but something about you makes me want to turn into The Hulk and smash everything.

Those of you who haven’t raised your hand are probably the ones who would respond with something like:

  • I wish I wasn’t so scared of public speaking
  • I’d like to be able to save enough to buy a house / car / boat / vineyard / flock of sheep
  • I wish I had the confidence to ask out that person that I’m interested in
  • I wish I wasn’t afraid of confrontation
  • I wish I wasn’t afraid of rejection
  • I wish I was happy
  • I wish I had children / I wish I didn’t have children
  • I wish I could make time for myself
  • If I could go back in time, I’d make sure I didn’t get married.
  • I wish I went to uni and got a degree
  • I’d like to earn more money
  • ….??

I could quite easily start my own list of things about myself that I’d like to change, and again they’re all things that I could achieve if I could actually apply myself more effectively. Perhaps mine would be to have better time-management skills? Working two jobs and having late nights doesn’t leave much free time for, well, anything. And whilst every single one of us could write a list of things we’d like to change about ourselves as long as our arm, majority of them can actually be achieved.

Who’s to say you can’t go back to uni and start a degree that you wished you did when you were 19? Who’s stopping you from going to take some classes in self-confidence to help get over your fear of public speaking? Why can’t you sell off your children in order to be free and happy?? I’m sure Angelina won’t mind taking them in.

See… I knew this would happen – a tangent. As usual. Where was I? Oh right, change? Well, I’m thinking if I were truly honest with myself, I would probably become more tolerant.

Perhaps I should start taking some pointers from those motivational graphics on my newsfeed?!

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