Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety

Write about a noise — or even a silence — that won’t go away. (We’ll let you interpret this in different ways…)

Dear Brain,

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!!

All you ever do is ramble on and on and on

Sometimes, all I want to do is just switch off, but even when I try, you’re always there. Always thinking. Always questioning. Always distracting!

It doesn’t stop. Like, EVER. As soon as I wake up. Whilst I’m in the toilet. When I’m showering. When I’m commuting. Listening to music. Reading. Talking to people. Working. Werqing. It’s just relentless.

Sometimes there will be multiple thoughts racing through my head. Sometimes I see them as sentences – as if they’re floating across a screen like an old Windows screensaver. Sometimes I see them as videos. Or hear them as voices. Sometimes, they happen all at the same time, and it’s hard to focus on just one of them.

And sometimes, I can completely tune out. My eyes glaze over, and the sound starts to fade and I wind up with a blank expression on my face. This is usually when somebody tells me something important that I’m supposed to pay attention to, or remember.

…but I don’t.

It happens a lot. Almost too frequently. I just wish I was able to write down or verbalise every single random thought that goes through my mind as it happens, so I could really try and make sense of it.

But also so I can take it to some kind of therapist and scare them a little. I imagine that they would look at the paper covered in manic scribbled words and be like

And then after a couple of further sessions, all they’d tell me is something along the lines of

Awesome.

Meanwhile, I would be having thoughts about how my brain activity is so strange and unique and I should be used for some kind of psychiatric study. They could map my brainwaves and hook me up to some kind of fancy colander helmet covered with wires. We’d play word association games and do some Rorschach testsThey’d make me sleep and give me different substances to alter my mental and emotional state, and then they’d leave me in a room by myself for a couple of days, whilst they watched via security camera.

And at the end of it all, they’d be like, ‘Well, turns out there’s nothing wrong with you after all. We thought you might be a one-in-a-million kind of case study, but we were wrong’.

I’d protest and ask them why I am the way I am, and why I feel the way I feel, and ask them to figure out what’s wrong with me.

But they’d just tell me that nothing is wrong. I just need to increase my intake of B-Vitamins and get some sleep. There’s nothing wrong with me. The reality is that I’m just tired and cranky.

I’d develop the term Yeezy Syndrome. Where, just like Yeezyyou become so full of yourself and think your so much more, but in actual fact, you’re not. I would have already alienated all my friends with my self-centred bullshit. And just like the rest of the world responds to anything Kanye has to say, my friends would tell me the same.

And then at the end of the day, I’d go home and make myself a cup of tea, before crawling into the bath, underneath the shower and curl up into the foetal position under the hot water…

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/source-of-anxiety/

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