What’s the one item in your kitchen you can’t possibly cook without? A spice, your grandma’s measuring cup, instant ramen — what’s your magic ingredient, and why?
No, not Paula Deen. Butter.
Slippery, greasy, golden goodness. As somebody who bakes, everything that I make has butter in it. And it’s usually in every component. The batter, the filling, the frosting. Butter, butter, butter.
And as somebody who should really be paying more attention to their expanding waistline, I don’t really know how to address this problem… I love baking, and I love butter, but I don’t like gaining weight… why can’t I be able to, quite literally, be able to have my cake and eat it too… and not put on weight?
I think this is the exact reason why I prefer to wear trackies (sweat pants) and comfortable clothing (read: fat clothing) instead of showing all my lumpy-bumpy bits. Ugh, it’s hideous. The problem is, that it just makes a dish. Even when cooking dinner, it’s the sort of thing that is a fundamental ingredient of French cuisine. Have you ever had seafood that was just cooked in butter and some herbs. OMFG it’s unbelievable. Sometimes Hulk will create something special and do king prawns and scallops in some kind of butter sauce, and rather than the half-a-dozen pieces of seafood we get each, I really just want to have an entire bowl full of it. Or a lobster tail with a burnt butter sauce… yum-yum-in-my-tum-tum!! Fuck having anything else. Salad? Now you’re just talking crazy talk!
And let it also be known that when it comes to having freshly baked bread / scones / cheesey muffins etc, the only (and I mean ONLY) condiment you need is butter. And lashings of it. Moreso if it’s just come out of the oven and it’s still hot. You don’t need to ruin it by putting margarine or soy-spread on it. Good quality oil… I’ll let that one sneak past, but other than that, it’s butter all the way.
Speaking of butter, do they still make ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!’? I will admit, I did try that when it was available here in Australia, and from what I can remember, it was actually quite impressive. But now that I think back, I wonder about all the nasties that would have gone into something like that…??
So whilst I sit here and wait for my arteries to slowly harden, I couldn’t help but share something. When I first read the prompt, my instant reaction was butter. And the first thought once I thought of butter was…
Now, for those of you who aren’t on the same page, this is an Oprah reference. One that was brought to my attention by my favourite bitch, Kathy Griffin. In order to give yourself an Oprahcation (Oprah-education), enjoy the YouTube clip below…