Feb 10: Problems in Perspective

Do you think you do a good job of keeping problems in perspective?

I will admit that as I’ve grown and I’ve matured (read: become a heartless bastard who’s dead on the inside) I’ve certainly been able to remove emotion from the equation when faced with problems. I can look at a problem and look at purely the facts and make a judgement. Something which I’ve never been able to do.

However, in saying that, there’s no denying that I certainly have my moments where I will get all fired up in the heat of the moment and say shit because I’m full of emotion that I don’t necessarily mean, and basically act like a child, because I can’t put anything into perspective.

I have noticed moreso in just the last couple of years that I really do have this ability to remove emotion from a situation and become quite blunt about things. To some it makes me seem like a heartless bastard / nasty bitch – moreso if I’m not siding with them (usually because we’re friends and they’re actually the ones at fault), but I come across as just being cold-as-ice instead.

Now that I find myself sitting here doing some more self-analysis (this whole blogging venture has been great for doing that!) I sometimes tend to be quite black-and-white with decisions. I find that there are too many complications, or too many people involved, or too many process to achieve a result, which really should just be quite straightforward and simple… but never is. Which, in turn, really drives me fucking crazy. It shouldn’t be so difficult.

…and this is where we insert the thesis about my non-existent tolerance levels.

I just don’t have time for drama. I don’t have time for bullshit. I don’t have time for half-a-dozen people to rally together to form a committee or some special group to discuss the pro’s and con’s about what to include on a registration form, or a confirmation letter. Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?? God, it’s no wonder I’m so mentally exhausted at the end of the day. I have to put up with so much bullshit. I think this is why I just take ownership of almost everything  that I do with work, because if nobody else is involved, and I don’t have to consult ten different people about what I’m doing, then life is much easier. If people don’t know about it, then I can’t be questioned. If it fuck’s up, then I’ll admit that, and I’ll own it. Simple as that.

The total contradiction to this, ironically, is that I really hate confrontation. Most of the time. If I’m in a bad mood, however, then bitch, you better strap yourself in for the rage that I am about to unleash at you. It’s quite sporadic, and it can change in an instant – like the wind. I can be fine one minute, then BOOM!! Full of white-hot table-flipping rage. If I’m asked to get involved with solving a problem, then I’m usually looking at both sides of the argument and trying to help each other understand each other. But if I’m in a bad mood, I’ll spell it out for you and shut. that. shit. down. Because when I’m in a bad mood, and you have a problem that requires my help, then I’m sure as shit not going to waste my fucking time on your ridiculous childish bullshit. If I have to hurt somebody else’s feelings in the process… so be it.

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