What are your thoughts on aging? How will you stay young at heart as you get older?
The thought of getting older is actually something that secretly terrifies me. I find that when I start thinking about it, I get a bit obsessed about it.
I feel as though I’ve been robbed of a life of enjoyment. Life has robbed me of the opportunities to do the sort of things that you’re supposed to do in certain age groups.
For example, when I was in my late teens, all I wanted was to study dance and pursue that as a career. That didn’t happen because of a spinal injury.
In my Twenties, those are the years that you’re supposed to be travelling the world; working overseas; finding yourself etc etc etc. Well, I guess I managed to find myself. The other two – that didn’t happen. Whilst other friends of mine were off getting dance contracts on Cruise Ships, I was stuck in an office cubicle, feeling miserable and being bullied by my employer to the point of having a small nervous breakdown.
In my mid-twenties, other people were working hard and saving for house deposits – I on the other hand was too busy struggling to be able to pay my rent, buy groceries and pay my bills. I was caught up in being Miss Independent, and dealing with an absolutely clusterfuck of a relationship that pretty much destroyed me mentally and emotionally.
By the time I had reached my late twenties, I still hadn’t come to terms with the fact that I was already in my late-twenties. Thirty was rapidly approaching, and it was approaching at a speed that I just wasn’t prepared for. People were getting married and having kids, and buying cars and houses, and here I was renting a shitty apartment with Hulk, trying to determine what our future had in store for us. Everybody around us was travelling overseas – but it was constant. Somebody was just coming back from overseas, and planning their next trip. As they were coming back, other people were getting ready to leave. Sometimes it was a week here or there, or going for two / three / four weeks at a time. I couldn’t wrap my head around how these people were able to afford to do so.
Then it clicked. Money. Management. The one thing that I simply cannot do.
Now that I’m in my early thirties, I still feel lost and confused. Part of me is telling me that I should be doing responsible things like saving for a house deposit. Or saving for a trip overseas. One of my friends is over in Europe for a few weeks. Other friends of ours are in the U.S. for a few weeks. One of my co-workers has just left to go to New York for three weeks. Another co-worker is going overseas for two or three months later in the year. I just find it so depressing.
I still don’t even know what I want to be when I grow up. There’s certainly a lot that I dream about achieving, but getting it to actually happen is a completely different story. I don’t want to be one of those people who is stuck in the same job for twenty years, but I realised that I’ve already been in my job for (I think) ten years already.
If that’s the case… where was my fucking celebration cake? Probably because it’s not the sort of achievement that should be celebrated. Oh congratulations. You’ve failed at life so epically, you’ve achieved absolutely nothing, and are basically more than happy to just settle with a shitty job that doesn’t fulfill you for ten years. *slow claps* well done, loser. What a role model!!
So even though I may get older in age, I still feel young at heart. I still love my video games, in particular, LEGO ones. I love going to the movies. I love going to concerts. I’ve pretty much lost all interest in going out, simply because the ‘scene’ nowadays has totally changed.
…Oh god, I just used the terms ‘nowadays’. Just call me grandpa.
I still buy cool clothes and shoes, but at the end of the day, it’s just stuff. It’s not a house. It’s not a car. It’s not a trip overseas. I really should focus on achieving those.
…but maybe I’ll think about that after the LEGO Movie Game comes out on PS3 next week. hehehe.