May 29 – Endurance Eating

Which food do you eat but only endure and not enjoy?

Easy… CORN!! It’s the fucking devils food!!

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always hated corn. The smell of it, the taste of it, the texture of it… Just the thought of it makes me want to gag… But it’s in fucking EVERYTHING!!! Soups, burritos, salads etc. it’s like a silent assassin! I will go and buy a supposed ‘Thai Chicken Soup’ from the supermarket, and a beautiful crusty bread roll (because it’s now Winter here in ‘Straya) and I’ll hear up my soup, butter my roll and fill myself with anticipation for such a delicious little lunch… Only to have my first spoonful of soup AND IT’S JUST CORN!!! FUCK. NO!!

As a kid I would remember painstakingly picking out every piece of corn from my dinner and pushing it all to the side of the plate. I was that scarred by it, perhaps because my bastard father would sometimes force me to eat it… As a result, just the thought of having to eat corn would make me gag. To then have to actually eat it, would see me with my head in the toilet throwing up ALL my dinner.

I also got like that with pumpkin, but corn was, by far, the worst. Now that I’m older I can tolerate both those foods, but even now, if there’s a lot of corn in something and we’re at a restaurant or at a friends house, I’ll eat it just to be polite… But I’ll feel nauseous for the rest of the evening. You will NEVER see me go out of my way to eat a *gulp* corn on *gag* the cob *gag*. Nope. Never.

The only thing that’s actually worse than corn is Rice Custard / Rice Pudding.

*starts dry-heaving*

Seriously… WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK!?!? Who’s fucking idea was it to make a savoury staple, such as rice, into a fucking dessert?? Sorry people, but that’s just fucking retarded!! I remember as a kid, my bastard father’s monster of a mother used to force me to eat it if I wanted to have dessert whenever we visited her… or it was tinned peaches, in syrup on ice cream. Rice custard… I never realised just how scarred a person can be from food, but then I got forced to eat rice custard. Now just the mere mention of it makes me want to gag. It would have to be one of THE MOST REVOLTING THINGS I HAVE EVER EATEN!! The taste, the texture, it’s just so many different types of wrong, all in refrigerated dessert. No thank you. You can get well and truly fucked if you think I will *ever* eat that again.

Also scarring me was boysenberry ice cream when I was about 10 or so. My grandma was all like “let’s go get ice cream”, and naturally I was giddy with happiness, only to look at the vast rainbow of flavours before me, as I pressed my face up against the glass… only for that bitch to then ONLY allow me to have boysenberry… That resulted in me vomiting my entire ice cream all over myself, and the front seat of her car… guess the joke was on her.

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