May 30 – Cook for the Chef

Would you feel nervous or confident cooking dinner for a professional chef?

Are you kidding me? I think that just having a professional chef in my house, eating my food would be terrifying enough on it’s own, let alone faced with the daunting task of then having to cook for them… could you imagine how horrifying it would be to cook for them and then fuck it all up??

There are only a handful of things that I know that I’m good at cooking, and even then, that’s incredibly limited and open to considerable improvement. I’m one of those people that people are always telling to try out for MasterChef or My Kitchen Rules, but the reality is, these are people who can recall a plethora of recipes and possible food combinations and techniques at the drop of a hat…

…I can’t even make a mug cake without needing a recipe to work out what the hell I’m doing, so a reality-tv cooking show is COMPLETELY out of the question!

Now, as for cooking for a chef… A professional chef is bad enough… a Celebrity chef would be a million times worse. And if I were going to be cooking for them at our place, then it’d turn out to be a fucking nightmare, because our place is so open plan, and they’d see everything that I do, and judge me accordingly, because they’re stone-cold bastards. Well, not all of them, but most of the ones that I’ve seen all have egos that are just so undeniably out of control.

The only possible situation that could make it any less terrifying, would be if I was doing some kind of cooking class or hand-on demonstration with a chef, and they were actually teaching me how to make something, or showing me a specific technique that I can implement into my other cooking ventures. It would still be scary, but at least I know that they’re there to help and guide me, and it wouldn’t be as scary as if I were cooking dinner or dessert for them, just for the sake of cooking for them.

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