You just inherited a dilapidated, crumbling-down grand mansion in the countryside. Assuming money is no issue, what do you do with it?
First of all, who the fuck leaves a mansion to just slowly disintegrate in the middle of fucking nowhere?!? That’s almost blasphemous!!
This is actually something I have daydreams about, and it always changes and evolves depending on which home reno show I’ve watched recently.
But first thing’s first – how derelict is this building? Is anything salvageable? How many stories do I have to work with? How much land is available?
How about we go with the mental image of one of the grand mansion-like places that you see in ‘the south’ of America – down in places like Louisianna, Mississippi, Alabama etc
This is the kind of image that immediately comes to mind, when I think about it.
What I would love nothing more, is to completely restore it to it’s original frontage, to pay homage to the century in which it was built, and that specific style and colour palette that it originally adorned.
Inside, however, would be a mixture of old Victorian / colonial styling / furnishing, with ultra modern appliances / technology. After reviewing a floor plan of the current building, I’d be able to determine how many floors to have, how many bedrooms to have, how big the ensuites and walk-in-robes, how many bathrooms to have, where I’d have the study, and the theatre, but most importantly, HOW BIG WILL THE KITCHEN BE!?!?
For me, I’d invest quite a lot of money into the kitchen. Ideally it would be more like two kitchens in one. Two or three double-ovens, at least two complete stove tops (i.e. 8-10 burners) and two large-capacity dishwashers. I’d have a massive double-door fridge, and a double-door freezer, as well as a chest freezer for stocking up on things like meat and fish.
That’s kind of like what my fridge would be like… but better designed, and more functional.
All my cooking appliances would be stored in their own cupboard, along with large items like pots, pans, but most importantly, baking tins / trays. It would also feature a massive island bench, and whilst there would be a dining room in the space, there would be a completely separate, more ‘formal, dining area.
There would be a sound system wired through all the common areas of the house – kitchen, dining, lounge, study, and even outdoors on the deck and near the pool. I’d be able to stream media wirelessly to any television in the house, including the theatre.
There would be one master bedroom with a built in robe of equal size to a bedroom, and an ensuite bathroom also the same size as a bedroom, which would feature a massive double shower, massive spa bath, heated flooring etc.
The other bedrooms would also be quite large, also, with their own walk-in robes and ensuites, with a smaller bathroom downstairs for guests, and toilet just near the theatre.
The space between the kitchen outside would be two walls on floor-to-ceiling glass bi-fold doors leading out to a massive entertaining deck, where I would also have a covered bbq area, complete with bar, mini fridge, and sink. The deck would be surrounded by incredible landscaping and look out over the gardens and the pool area.
Granted, these ideas have been greatly influenced after watching numerous seasons of Real Housewives of Beverley Hills and Atlanta and New Jersey.
I want a house made of caek!
Now I want caek!