We often hear strange snippets of conversation as we walk through public spaces. When was the last time you overheard something so interesting, ridiculous, or disturbing you really wanted to know what it was all about?
When you catch public transport everyday like I do, then you’ll be all too familiar with those people who talk loud enough to make sure everybody else around them can hear what is being said. I fucking hate those people.
Anytime I am on the phone and about to get on a train, I politely end the call, saying that I’m getting onto a train and I’ll call back when I get off the train. I personally believe that it’s rude to continue a conversation when you’re so closely surrounded by other people.
The last time I overheard a conversation, I was on a train to work and some private school girls were all sitting in a group. If there’s one thing I hate more than children, it’s groups of the little shitbags. Ugh. They’re always so rude and obnoxious. I just want to smack them in the face and tell them to wake the fuck up.
So anyway, I get on the train and this group of bitches is behind me, and somehow they got onto the topic of boyfriends, or somebody’s boyfriend. I had my earphones in at the time, and in the silence between skipping tracks, all I heard was “massive d”. I stopped my music just as the next track began just so I could listen in, and just as I did, an announcement came over the loudspeaker.
Rather than stopping her sentence to wait for the announcement to finish, instead she began to talk over it, which unfortunately ended prematurely, and all of a sudden she yells out “knob too big to get my mouth over” and then stopped abruptly, realising the entire carriage heard her. There was a really long awkward silence, and even though I had my back to her, I could feel the heat from her face going bright red from so much embarrassment.
Then they all started laughing.. And so did some of the other commuters. Well, except for one older lady in particular. She was just beside herself with shock. Not really sure what it was… The fact she was talking like this and in her catholic school uniform? Or perhaps that she was talking about it so openly in public? The fact she was talking about it at all? Or the fact that SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS TWELVE “YEARS OLD!! Regardless, the old lady wasn’t having it.
Just before she got off the train, she leant over to the group of girls, “if I ever heard my daughter speak like that, I would have knocked her into next week. I feel ashamed and embarrassed for your parents for having such a vile, foul mouthed hussy for a daughter. You’re an embarrassment to your family and your school. Enjoy your unwanted teen pregnancy and abortion!” and turned to face the doors waiting to exit the train. Just as she did, the carriage erupted into applause, and the little harlot sunk into her seat fighting back the tears.
Best. Train. Journey. Ever