Someone or something you can’t communicate with through writing (a baby, a pet, an object) can understand every single word you write today, for one day only. What do you tell them?
Dear babies of the world, it’s time we had a talk…
So, I’ve only met a handful of you in person, and seen a rather small percentage of the rest of you during my day-to-day life, and there’s a couple of things that we really should clear the air about.
Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, I just want to make it clear that I don’t want a baby of my own – I’m bit cut out for parenthood in any capacity. I have no tolerance for screaming and crying, let alone nappy changes, sleepless nights and the stresses and financial burden of being responsible for your development, education and general well-being.
I can barely look after myself.
I’m more than happy for us to have play dates together, and go on adventures around town. Hell I may even be adventurous enough to take you to the zoo, but the reality is, we’d probably just end up rolling around on the floor playing peek-a-boo until one or both of us falls asleep – and just between you and I, I’m betting that I’ll fall asleep first.
The other thing that I’d like to talk about is why you all feel so compelled to stare at me when we see each other. You all, generally, see me, and become instantly fixated on me and stare at me. And by stare, I don’t just mean stare at me, but like really STARE at me, as though you’re looking into my soul and seeing just how messed up I truly am, but the actual truth is that you can tel I’m actually a nice person deep down – but at least you can’t tell anybody, so we’ll just keep that between us for the time being.
Sometimes other people see your fixation with me and say that you can see my inner child, like there’s some kind of spirit or aura secretly twirling around me.
Whatever the case is, it needs to stop. It freaks me out.
How do you feel about this? I don’t necessarily think that I’m overreacting, but I’m sure that wet can at least discuss this in a civil matter without one of us bursting into tears and pooping our pants.
Until next time… xx