Feb 27: Photographic Regrets

Tell us about a picture you never snapped that you wish you had.

 

I really wish I had more photos of a lot of moments from my life.

Birthdays. Dance comps. Holidays. Hanging out with my friends etc. I just don’t have them. I’m not actually sure why that is. I know that we had a camera, and I remember that my father had bought it, and nobody else was allowed to touch it, because it was quite expensive. I remember that he used to keep it in one of his drawers, and as kids, we were forbidden to go through his drawers. I remember that if I ever wanted to take a photo, I had to get his permission and that was quite rare.

Most people have album after album of photos, documenting their entire lives – I don’t. I have maybe a couple of packets of photos, most of which are from when I was a baby, or a small child. I don’t have photos of any of my dance comps, because my parents never came to them. I have only two or three photos of some of my costumes out of something like 13years of dancing and that makes me really sad. Photos are documented memories that people keep for the rest of their lives, and now, those memories exist only in my very scattered brain.

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Feb 26: Indoors or Outdoors

Do you prefer to be outdoors or indoors?

 

This all comes back to what my mood is.

Generally speaking, I would be quite happy to spend a week confined to my apartment, spending as much time as I could asleep in bed, catching up on all my TV shows, playing PlayStation, or doing what I’m currently doing, and catching up on overdue blog posts so I can bring myself up to date.

I’m not entirely sure what it is, but I find something quite enjoyable about shutting myself off from the outside world, and living inside in my PJ’s. Drinking countless cups of tea, and waaay too much toast. For me, that sounds like a total joy… however, there’s also part of me that loves the idea of the freedom of being outdoors.

Providing that the weather outside is nice and sunny, I also thoroughly love the thought of being able to spend time outside. I think I’m actually drawn to being outside more, due to the fact that I actually do spend most of my time stuck inside – inside the office, inside the gym, inside a train, inside a bus, inside a supermarket, inside the apartment… Since the weather has been relatively nice, so I’ve been taking advantage of that as much as I can by walking from the train station to the office in the morning, and back to the station in the afternoon. When I get the opportunity I also love to go for a walk at lunch, just to get 30-40mins of sunshine on the skin.

I remember when our building was refurbished, during lunch time I would just go upstairs out onto the open common area, and lay down on one of the bench seats and have a little sunbake. It was great… until I got sunburnt, and then I stopped going up there.

If I was away on holidays, I’d love to be spending as much time as possible outside. For example, if I decided to go to some kind of resort, then I’d want to make sure that I was out and about playing tourist, or hitting the beach for the day. I love being able to just be out in the sun… also because it makes me sleepy and want to have an afternoon nap.

Feb 25: Parents

Describe your relationship with your parents. How has it changed over the years?

 

Well, my relationship with my mum has always been great. She’s always been my rock. She’s been the one who has always given me guidance when I’ve needed it, as well as just being somebody that I can talk to and confide in when I’m feeling overwhelmed or life just seems to be turning to shit.

Admittedly, our relationship has been somewhat… quieter since she moved interstate, and that’s primarily my fault, because I haven’t made time in my life to make her a priority, and I feel bad about that. I feel as though I’ve neglected her a bit, instead of keeping in regular contact with her.

Actually, perhaps I should do that today… call her and have a proper catch up…

My father, on the other hand, is somebody that I haven’t spoken to for about 10 – 11 years now. We had a massive falling out a couple of months before my 21st birthday, and it was the sort of falling out that lead me to keep and create the biggest grudge. It was a pivotal moment in my life, and something that I made a decision on, and haven’t looked back since.

But even saying that, my relationship with my father was always strained. He was the type of man who was very conservative, and incredibly stubborn, and had very defined expectations of me as his child; his son, and his first born. At times he was quite overbearing, and that actually became quite polarising, and pushed me away from him. We never really got along, even when I was a little kid. It’s sad to say that, and it’s unfortunate, but removing that from my life was one of the best decisions I’ve made, and one of the most freeing decisions I’ve made.

Feb 24: Optimist or Pessimist

Do you think you are more of an optimist or a pessimist?

Pessimist. Well, now I prefer the term ‘realist’ instead… just because pessimist has such a negative association. Some people can be quite dismissive of anybody who identifies as a pessimist, as it can be quite draining to be around somebody who is always so negative.

But hey, that kinda seems a bit contradictive coming from somebody like YOU!!

Admittedly, yes. I do have a reputation for being negative. But at the same time I also have a reputation for being funny, sarcastic, entertaining, and for being a downright bitch. But over the last 12 months or so, I’ve examined my behaviours, and compared them to people who are truly negative 24/7 and I’m nothing like that. I’m practically a ray of sunshine compared to those people… but then again, people seem to have different views of what being negative really is.

For some people, simply questioning them or their decisions is viewed as being negative, and from that point, that’s the only way they will view you. Others however consider negativity being somebody who is all doom and gloom all the time – there is nothing good that will come from anything that they do. For me that’s somebody that I would consider being negative.

So when I admit that I’m a pessimist, and say that I’m a realist instead, i simply mean that I see things for what they are. The world isn’t all puppies and rainbows and sunshine – but that’s how some optimists view the world. And part of me admires that about those people. Those people who just see the positive in everything they experience in life. Recently I’ve made a friend who is like that. She sees the best in people and in situations, and she’s one of those people who has a light inside her that just shines everytime she opens her mouth to speak. It’s something that I truly admire about her, and something that actually makes me smile. I got to spend a weekend with her, and her positivity is just infectious… but in a good way! She’s one of those rare people that you cross paths with in life, who really makes an impact, and is somebody that you will remember for a very long time. I’m so glad to have met her.

So if you’re reading this, H, thankyou for being you.

Daily Prompt: Walking on the Moon

What giant step did you take where you hoped your leg wouldn’t break? Was it worth it, were you successful in walking on the moon, or did your leg break?

Please allow me to preface this by pointing out that I spent almost an hour writing this post yesterday, only for my auto-save to not work, resulting in me losing my entire post. Such a pain in the bum, so I’ll try and recreate it from memory again… Fingers crossed

I initially struggled when I thought about this, and spent a lot of time trying to come up with a scenario, but I thought that I would write about one of the dance auditions I went to when I was younger.

It was during my year of full-time dance, and I had never been to an audition for an overseas gig before. I’d only ever auditioned for dance schools and that was stressful enough. I didn’t really have much interest in the actual gig (which was for an overseas theme park), but I wanted to do it for the experience, and so I could determine what areas I needed to improve on for any future auditions that I might have.

So I turned up to this audition, not really knowing what it was going to be like and I walked up a few flights of stairs which opened up to this giant space – full of guys. Now for anybody in the commercial world of dance, you’ll know that all the guys are usually tall and good looking and quite well built.

and I was pretty much the opposite. Well, except for the height.

When I walked in, it was, quite literally, one of those moments where everybody in the room completely stops, the music stops, and everybody stares at you. Although it was only a brief moment, it felt as though time had completely frozen. I walked around all the people sprawled out across the ground and found a small space in the corner, and started to stretch.

Everybody else was already sitting around in their little cliques, and most of them seemed to already know everybody else. Nobody paid me any attention – even when I tried to say hi to a couple of people, if they didn’t completely ignore me, they either brushed me off with a one-worded answer, or just advised me they didn’t want to be disturbed.

One woman came out and called all the girls into one studio for a vocal audition and the rest of us, the majority, were all guys who were ushered into the main studio. From there we were all split into smaller groups to make it easier for the judging panel to watch each of us a lot more closely.

I quickly realised that even when our group wasn’t performing, we were all standing around the studio watching the others, which really threw me. I had anticipated that everybody else would leave the studio , and we’d be called in group by group, but clearly, I was wrong.

First up was out jazz audition. We learnt a small routine which was actually quite fun, and when danced as a group, it looked incredible. I quickly realised that I wasn’t actually as bad as what I had initially thought. Watching some of the other guys trying to learn the chorey, quickly gave me an idea as to who was a threat, and who wasn’t.

When we started to perform in our groups, we also got to watch the others closely, and I was amazed that there was such a considerable number of these so-called dancers who couldn’t actually dance. I mean it was Jazz. Everybody needs to be able to cut it when it comes to jazz – or maybe I just have high expectations?!

So our group was somewhere in the middle, and everybody was watching everybody else like hawks. These bitches were hungry and we’re scoping out the competition, just like I was. I got up to dance and purposely stood in the back row so as not to come across as being an ‘attention seeker’. The music played and two of the guys in the front row made a massive fuck up, so they stopped us and made us start again.

Groan.

The music started again and it was go-time. Just as quickly as we started, it was over. Almost got through it without making any mistakes, but I made one or two small mistakes, but nothing compared to some of the other guys. Compared to some of them, I was actually doing pretty well. At one point as I was dancing, I caught myself in the mirror as I nailed some complex move, and as I finished it, in my peripheral vision, I caught the eyes of one of the judges who, I thought, was watching me. And as I finished this particular move, she got a smile on her face, and then put her head down to write something… like she was secretly rooting for me, perhaps?

Everybody was then ushered out to the waiting room, where some people took the opportunity to have a bite of some food, and down some sports drinks. One of the people from the judging panel said that they were going to begin the callbacks, beginning with Ballet. Then, one by one they started calling out numbers of who they wanted to return.

It was nerve-wracking having to sit there and watch peoples reactions. Some were really humbled when their number was called. Others were more celebratory and flaunting of the fact. The ones who didn’t make it though either got really angry about it and stormed off in a huff, or they just accepted it for what it was. There were quite a few though who got really upset. I think they may have been the ones who were really hoping to get the job. Then whilst I’m sitting there watching everybody else’s reactions, I hear something, but I can’t quite work out what it is. Then I hear it again.

It’s me. My number. I’ve made it through the first round of callbacks!! I couldn’t quite believe it. For somebody who felt so intimidated at the beginning, it would appear as though that was slowly changing. However, I wasn’t necessarily going to get too excited just yet. It was time to get my ballet on.

We went back into the studio to learn a rather basic adage., and then split into new groups. Just like before with the Jazz audition, the ballet audition really gave some of us the perfect opportunity to show the others how it was done. I was really quite shocked that so many of these guys were so terrible at ballet. Here I was thinking that this was the foundation of all dance training – obviously just not theirs. There was only a few guys who really stood out, and even I was surprised at how well I managed with it. But I think I got lucky, because the other guys in my group were pretty bad, so they made me look even better. So I’m not sure if I stood out for actually being talented, or if it was because I was the best of the worst.

After we had finished, we were put back in the holding room, and they made the next round of announcements. Again, my number got called. ‘You have 5 minutes before you come back for your hip-hop audition’.

YES!!

This was right up my alley. Suddenly, the number of guys had dramatically dropped. This was starting to get a bit real, and as much as I didn’t want to pay any attention to it, there was a tiny, tiny part of me thinking that there was a possibility, something might eventuate from all of this.

We went back in for our hip-hop audition, and surprisingly, the routine was short, but quite technical. I found it quite challenging. I went over it and over it and over it, but it just wasn’t sitting well with me. Suddenly the groups had changed order and my group was now second.

FUCK.

I only had a couple of minutes before I had to dance again, and I was really feeling nervous. I felt as though I had somehow managed to prove myself, and I couldnt mess it up now. The music started, and my group started dancing. When the music finished, I let out a giant sigh of relief, but it was quickly interrupted by the judging panel announcing that they wanted us to do again, but they wanted the front and back rows to swap. I was in the back row. I wonder if they want to watch me?? Oh, don’t be so stupid, why would they? SO the music began and I found myself back in the zone. In the corner of my eye I could see the same female judge watching me, then writing down some stuff on paper, and then talking to the judge next to her. And again, when I finished the routine, I caught her smiling. I tried not to think anything of it, but I couldn’t help myself.

As far as I knew, that was the end of the auditions process. I felt relieved, and was looking forward to getting out of this confined space full of stress and tension and hyper-emotional people. Just as I started to re-pack my bag, a lady walks out to us and says that there’s been a change in the audition, they were doing one last round of callbacks. Again, she started to read through the numbers, and only 4 guys got cut, the rest of us were all through again. I actually couldn’t believe that I’d made it this far. It was quite surprising, given that I hadn’t actually worked professionally in this industry, whereas most of the people here had, or still were.

We sat there looking a bit puzzled, as we didn’t really know why they were having a final cut? Maybe they wanted us to sing? Or do a reading? Nobody knew. The lady left briefly, and then returned to say, ‘I’ve just received confirmation that they would like to see you complete a Tap audition. We understand this is last minute, and understand you probably don’t have your tap shoes with you, but if you could, we’d love to see what you’ve got.’

Now, that’s what I call a **PLOT TWIST**

I instantly knew that I was out. I couldn’t tap to save myself. I can do a couple of basic steps, but other than that, I’ve got the skill of a monkey rollerskating on an oil slick. A couple of people cracked the shits, saying that this was ridiculous and unfair, and they stormed off. A couple of others brought their tap shoes with them ‘just in case’. I followed everybody back into the studio, and they made us line up across the studio side-by-side. Everybody was feeling nervous, because we didn’t know what to expect now. I looked at the lady who I’d made eyes with earlier, and she gave me a quick little wink – which, really, could have have meant anything, but she only did it to me, so I felt a tiny bit better.

They explained to us, that they wanted to see roughly 16-counts of some tap skill, to try and judge what level our expertise is. It could be anything we want, as long as it was between 16 and 32 counts.

Shit. Oh shit. Oh shit shit shit shit shit shit.

Knowing that tap was the absolute worst style for me was already bad enough, knowing that I was now going to be last (!!!) made everything even worse. They’re going to go through us one at a time, and all these guys are going to show off their fancy foot skills and then they’re all going to watch me completely ruin everything. Maybe I should just leave? There’s no way I’ll get anywhere now. It’s a guaranteed no. I’ve stil got a chance, perhaps I should just thank them for the opportunity and excuse myself.

I opted not to give in so easily. I’d spent so many hours here already, I may as well see it through until the end, and let’s face it, I had no intentions of actually getting a job out of this, I was only here for the experience, and I should make sure that I get the whole experience, regardless of how uncomfortable or awkward it gets. That’s what it’s like in this industry. It’s cut-throat and you just have to roll with the punches. No time for you to be self conscious and weak. We all watched each other as the tap-a-tap-a-tap-a progressed down the line. The whole time I kept taking bits and pieces from everybody else’s ‘routines’ to create my own little series of steps… and well, in theory it worked in my head.

However, when I had to actually perform it, it was a completely different story. Turns out, I had no fucking idea of what I was doing. I’d even managed to completely forget even the most basic of basic steps. It was just a complete disaster. I was so humiliated, but all I could do was laugh.  There were a few concerned looks my way, but by this stage, I was kinda over it. I’d achieved everything I had come to do, and made it through to the final cut. The lady on the panel looked at me with a small grin and shook her head slightly. The guy in charge of the audition thanked everybody for staying, and for being so gracious and doing the tap audition, and that those who were successful would receive details via email later that evening.

We filed out of the studio into the holding area. People got changed; some called their friends / family; a couple of the guys walked off crying. I went into a toilet to change my clothes, put on some deodorant and wash my face. I let out a big sigh, picked up my bag and headed down the stairs. I got outside and was almost blinded by the blaring sunshine. I had almost forgotten what the weather was like because I’d been in fluoro lighting all day. I stood there on the steps of the building trying to work out what to do with myself for the rest of the afternoon. One thing that couldn’t be denied was that I was STARVING!! But having just stressed out and danced my arse off, I wanted to eat my feelings. The most important choice was whether I wanted to go buy half a dozen pastries, or if I wanted to get a tub of ice-cream and hire some dvd’s.

I was enjoying the sunshine, and whilst thinking of the pro’s and con’s of what I wanted, I grabbed my iPod and started untangling my supposed ‘tangle-free’ earphones, when I heard a group of people coming down the stairs. It was the judges from the panel. The lady that had smiled at me a few times noticed me and said goodbye to the others, before she started walking towards me.

…ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod…

‘You were quite an interesting one to watch today. You did a really good job’

‘Um… thanks?’

‘None of us have seen you before, so you’re obviously one of the new kids on the block, so to speak’

‘Yeah, although I don’t think I have ‘The Right Stuff’ hehehe.’

‘*laughs* Good one. Listen, I’m glad that I bumped into you, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed watching you today. You really did a great job. Although you were nervous, you danced with passion and authenticity. I don’t actually know anything about you, but a few of us couldn’t stop watching you… even when you weren’t dancing, we were still watching you..’

‘Oh god, why? I was probably picking my nose or something…’

‘Eww, no, you just, there was something about you. There’s a light within you that just makes people want to watch you dance. You need to perform. You need to continue on this path. It’s just so refreshing to see somebody different to the same people we see all the fucking time. It just gets boring, and we tune out, because we’ve seen them all before. They all look the same. Like clones. Except you, you look nothing like them. And you’re clearly talented. There were people with a fuck load more experience than you who got knocked out in the first round, and yet, you made it all the way. We just wanted to see more.’

‘Really?? I don’t know what to say to that’

‘Although your tap was fucking abysmal. One of, if not, the worst of the day! Which was suuuuch a fucking let down, because we were expecting some awesome tap routine from you, but we didn’t get it.’

Ha! yeah, well, tap certainly isn’t my favourite style. Actually, I really don’t like it. I have to do it as part of my course, but I’m terrible at it. My ankles don’t seem to want to let me do it. I just can’t get it. And well, I’ve only been doing tap this year for the first time EVER! When the other lady said we were going to do tap, I almost walked out because I knew that I would bomb out on it, but I wanted to be the person who didn’t just give up when it got too hard. At least I can say I completed the audition. I may have completely mucked it up, but at least I finished it, AND I made it to the final callback, which completely shocked the hell out of me, so for that, I must say a big thankyou to you and the rest of the panel.’

‘Yeah, you need to really work on your tap. It’s not a major audition component, but some auditions require solid tap skills. Not all of them do, but it’ll work in your favour if you can get them up to speed. It’s going to work in your favour if you do, trust me. You’ve already got that spark in you, like an x-factor, but if you can do a good, solid, clean, tap solo, you’ll be more of a threat. I’m glad that I got to meet you, you actually made my day.’

Seriously? now that’s something you don’t hear everyday!’

‘Hopefully we’ll get to see you again sometime soon. I’ve got your details, and so have some of the others, so if we see you on the audition list, we’ll happily make sure that you get an audition. BUT WORK ON YOUR TAP FOR FUCK’S SAKE!! GOD, THAT WAS SUCH A LET DOWN!!’

I’ll try, I can’t promise though. How about if I do audition next time, we just skip the tap altogether, and you just let me do a good job with everything else instead?!’

We both laughed and said goodbye before walking in opposite directions. I think that was one of the most humbling experiences I’ve ever had in terms of dancing. It felt a little weird to be honest. As a dancer, you rarely hear somebody praise you for your talent. Most of the time you just keep getting told that whatever you did could have been better. You get told about all the flaws and imperfections of your talent – you need to work on your turnout, you have bad feet, you’re not flexible enough, you didn’t jump high enough, you need to work on your spotting, your arms are too sloppy, you have ugly turns, your back is too swayed, you look like your trying too hard etc etc etc. That’s just something that you have to get yourself used to very quickly. You need to have a thick skin if you’re going to pursue something like dancing, because everybody will pick you apart for every little thing that isn’t 100 percent perfect. That’s just how it is. It’s not nice. It’s not fair. But that’s how we improve.

For somebody to then turn around and have that kind of positivity and praise for my talent is almost completely foreign, and something that I have always struggled to accept and deal with. I’ve always been quite humble with my dancing. I’m not denying that I’d be quietly confident about my talent, but I wouldn’t be the one displaying the ego telling people that I’m the best and everybody else can just suck it. But for somebody like her to say something like that to me, felt amazing. Audition judges are always seen to be quite hard, and extremely blunt in their feedback or comments, so for somebody to say that they loved watching me dance just blew my mind.

I was on cloud-nine for the rest of the afternoon, and I practically inhaled a tub of ice-cream when I got home and enjoyed every single spoonful!!

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/23/daily-prompt-moon-walking/

Feb 21: Writing Space

Show Me Fridays: upload an image to your blog (with or without words) of where you like to write.

IMG_1798

I usually find myself here, at the kitchen table on my MacBook Pro. The only problem is that the keyboard space is a bit too large, and if I’m here for a prolonged period of time, the edges begin to dig into my forearms / wrist, and it gets a bit painful.

The other setup I’m fond of is using my iPad and wireless Logitech keyboard. It’s heaven! And I usually do that during the week when I’m out and about and find myself with an hour or so to kill… but recently I’ve discovered a vast number of issues with working that way due to errors with WordPress and Safari / Chrome on my iPad (and I’m not particularly fond of the app), so my solution is to just write all my text in Pages whilst I’m out, and then when I get home, I can just copy it across to my draft, and then edit and fix up the text before publishing it.

Daily Prompt: New Sensation

Ah, sweet youth. No matter whether you grew up sporting a fedora, penny loafers, poodle skirts, bell-bottoms, leg-warmers, skinny jeans, Madonna-inspired net shirts and rosaries, goth garb, a spikey mohawk, or even a wave that would put the Bieber to shame, you made a fashion statement, unique to you. Describe your favorite fashions from days of yore or current trends you think are stylin’.

Ahh fashion, the bane of my existence.

I seem to have a love / hate relationship with fashion. I really do love fashion – but more like an admirer of fashion. Yet, it’s primarily only female fashion, and even then, it’s pretty much only haute coutureI’m obsessed with it. 

In terms of my own fashion sense, I don’t really know what it is. I think most people would probably associate my fashion sense with hi-tops.

At present, I’m really not a fan of what is happening with men’s fashion. There’s so much about it that I can’t stand, and simply refuse to accept and partake in, simply because as far as I’m concerned, it’s just horrid to me. And what makes it worse, is that it’s just more of a hipster type of style, and well, I’ll give you a guess as to how I feel about those damn hipsters. The thing that really gets me the most fired up, is that if you’re out and about, all the guys generally look the same. ‘Fashion’ for men generally seems to be quite distinct, but it’s also quite limited. The guys just all look the same, and it just shows that people are more than happy to put no thought into what they wear, or their own sense of ‘style’ and instead, are more than happy to just be generic.

I really don’t have the sort of lifestyle that allows me to express my own sense of ‘style’ very often, as it usually just goes from work clothes to gym clothes to pyjamas. Oh how I love my pyjamas!! In fact, it was only the other day I bought a new pair of pyjama pants – they’re a pair of drop-crotch ¾ leg pants with a tropical palm print on them. They’re very summery, and incredibly comfortable and I love them.

I find that even something as basic as a drop-crotch pant is something that truly divides people. I think you either love them or you hate them. But in saying that, I would hazard a guess that primarily only ‘dancers’ would be the ones that love them. We can wear them when we’re dancing – it’s more of  ‘street’ look for us. But in saying that, I’ve seen that same silhouette but made with much nicer, more upmarket materials, which can look fantastic with a pair of heels. Well, not on me, obviously – but that’s not to say I don’t have the legs for it. hehehe.

I’m all about comfort. Because I’ve managed to put on a couple of extra kilos, my clothes are tighter, and so I resort to wearing ‘fattie’ clothes as often as I can – baggy, slouchy clothes – because that way I don’t have to concern myself with the image of wearing clothes that are too tight, or worse, not actually being to get them on at all!!

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/20/daily-prompt-new-sensation/

Daily Prompt: Never Gonna Give You Up

You. We know *you* are vice-free, dear Daily Post reader. But, or perhaps we should say, “butt,” others around you and in your life are riddled with vices: they smoke; they eat too much celery; they hog the covers; they can’t keep their hands out of the office candy bowl. Which vice or bad habit can you simply not abide in others?

I think the absolute number one vice would be smoking. I cannot stand the stench of cigarette smoke – it’s just foul.

It’s bad enough being stuck near a smoker because there’s nothing as asthmatic (like myself) loves more than second-hand smoke, but it’s even worse when you’re stuck on transport next to a smoker. They have that horrendous stench to them. It’s in their hair, it’s in their skin, in their clothes, and it’s just disgusting. It’s one thing that’s an absolute deal-breaker for me. Especially being somebody who works in the fitness industry, I cannot condone cigarette smoking, primarily based on the consequences it has on a person’s health. I would much prefer people weren’t dying from lung cancer, or blood clots, or brain damage etc, but unfortunately the people who are doing all the smoking don’t seem to share the same concerns.

I understand that it’s a drug. I understand that people have an addiction. But I also understand that there are numerous products that people have access to, in order to get their addictions under control; get their cravings under control, and eventually quit. Yet, what I don’t understand is that so many smokers just don’t want to.

!?!?!?

Seriously… what the fuck? Why wouldn’t you want to actually do something to stop smoking?? I’ve never been able to understand that. You have an addiction. It’s an addiction that is slowly killing you form the inside out. You know that this is happening, and you know that you ‘probably should’ quit, BUT YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!

Or, there’s the people who do make an attempt to quit, and if it doesn’t work for them the first time, they give up all hope, and just go back to smoking. **NEWSFLASH**: TRY AGAIN!! It might not work for you the first time, or the fifth time, or even the seventeenth time, but at least every time you try, you get a little bit better at it.

I remember when I was in my early twenties, I was out with some friends, and ended up going home with this really hot guy. We spoke for ages, and then one thing led to another, and all of a sudden we’re making out… then we both pulled back to catch a breath, and he excused himself to get up and go out to his balcony to have a cigarette. Like, he just got up off the couch, and said he was going for a smoke, and totally just left me there.

First of all, at no point was I aware that he was a smoker. I never saw a packet of smokes, or a lighter, and I guess the sweaty stinky clothes from being in a nightclub were masking the smell of cigarette smoke on his clothes. I didn’t even care how hot he was, I was just floored that anybody would be that rude and arrogant. So, I just left. I didn’t even say goodbye, I just grabbed my top and left. Just as I got downstairs, he called me wanting to know where I was, and I’m like ‘Sorry, I’m not going to waste my time with somebody who’s that rude to just leave me so he could have a smoke. Clearly, that was your priority. Not me. I’m not having that.’

Then he had the nerve to get pissed off at me for leaving. Fuuuuuuck that. At first he was really apologetic about it, but when he finally realised that I wasn’t coming back, he had the nerve to have a go at me for ‘wasting his time’.

Had I known he was a smoker beforehand I wouldn’t have even left the club with him. Just meeting somebody who’s a smoker, and I’m already that quick to jump the gun on how I feel about them. Apologies to those of you who are smokers, I don’t think we can be friends. If you’re not prepared to at least entertain the thought of trying to quit, and actually be proactive enough to do something about it… I can’t be your friend and sit idly by whilst you do that to your body.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/19/daily-prompt-rick-roll/

Feb 20: Life-Changing Event

What life event most changed your perspective of the world?

I’m not even really sure if there was one specific event that changed my outlook of the world, as far as I can remember, I’ve always seen the world for the harsh reality that it actually is. I never grew up with the outlook of the world that everything is sunshine and puppies and rainbows (well, the rainbows came later in life….), but I think that it’s hard to even have that sort of view of the world, when all you see on the news is death and destruction. Yes, you can always choose to completely ignore mainstream media, because they rarely report on anything positive or uplifting, but isn’t that, in turn, just being ignorant?

I know that when I was a kid, I was pretty switched on, even if I didn’t necessarily understand things that were happening, I knew that things were happening.  I just didn’t know why.

In terms of my ‘outlook’ on the world, that ‘outlook’ per-se is more like an ever-growing disappointment in people, society and humanity. Undeniably, one of the pivotal points in this was the attacks of 9-11. How people could do something like that is something that I will probably never understand. It’s one of the most horrific moments in history. Even to this day, I remember exactly where I was. I was in a computer lab – I was supposed to be studying, but instead, I spent the entire day constantly streaming videos from multiple news sites, and constantly had tears rolling down my cheeks. It was simply unfathomable that something this would ever happen… but it did, and it completely changed the world.

I’d already lost faith in humanity before that point in time, but after that, I lost all respect for society. But the confusing part of it all, was that there were so many conflicting reports stating that it was a revenge attack for the US not withdrawing their troops; other reports were that it was simply an attack to instigate a war; and other reports were stating that it was all because of religion.

As somebody who believes in science and evolution, I completely disregard religion. I don’t claim to understand all religions, but I cannot stand people who use religion as an excuse to spew hatred, create pain and cause destruction upon others. However, ever since 9-11, all Muslims are now considered terrorists and potential dangers to society. It’s just really disheartening. I’ll openly admit to one sharing that same view, until I actually decided to form my own decisions and have my own thoughts on the matter, and it left me feeling torn and confused.

Since that point in time, my view on the world has just continued to decline. Even when I thought it simply wasn’t possible for humanity to disappoint me any further, it somehow manages to – to the point where sometimes it can almost become so overwhelming. You start to even question your own sanity and views of the world. Maybe it’s not society that’s so horrible, maybe, instead the problem is actually me? Maybe I’m the one thats got the problem? Maybe I’m just being far too sensitive about everything. Maybe people are just happy to sit back and accept all this horrible news, and that in-turn, makes me sad for society. People don’t seem to have any interest in things anymore, because nobody wants to actually get involved.

And thats perhaps the saddest part of it all.

Feb 19: Facts and Truths

Marcus Aurelius said, “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” Do you think there are concrete facts and truths, or is everything fluid?

You forgot to add, “Everything we read on the internet is true”. But that’s because people are just so gullible, they’ll believe anything you tell them if you make it sound even the slightest bit convincing.

Personally I believe that there are concrete facts in life, and truths – but really, aren’t they just the same thing?

People are entitled to their opinions, some know when to voice them appropriately, and others disregard that common sense and will happily shout it from the rooftops, but I find it interesting when people choose to have an opinion about something, but their argument goes against the actual facts of the topic of discussion.

These particular people are given some information, and then as far they’re concerned, that’s the only truth. Even if it’s factually incorrect, they will deny it, and continue to believe that it’s wrong. Even if you go to the extent of providing them with actual proof, it still wont change their minds, because they’re too stubborn to accept it, as it’s seen as a sign of defeat, and these people are never wrong. Even when they are, they’re still always right.

Ugh, they’re painful.

But even with things that we’re told are fact, sometimes aren’t necessarily so. I love seeing shows or websites debunking these so-called ‘facts’ and proving that they are actually, factually incorrect. Things that I’ve been told all my life; things that my parents told me, only to then find out that it’s actually not true. So then I start to wonder how these actually came about? Where did this wrong information come from? Considering that it’s something that’s almost ‘common knowledge’ that everybody knows, how is it that it could be so wrong, and yet nobody thought to follow up on it before now? Why did nobody think to question this earlier? Why are people just happy to accept something on face-value without putting more thought into it.

I’m the sort of person who questions everything. I can’t help it. I’ve learnt my lesson from not being inquisitive, and now I’m the one who’s always asking questions. See, I’m already doing it!