Jan 31: NaBloPoMo Pressure Jan Edition

Did you feel a lot of pressure with January’s NaBloPoMo?

I really struggled with Jan’s NaBloPoMo, mainly because I didn’t structure myself properly to include a set time to actually write my posts. More often than not, I would get either too busy or too lazy for a couple of days, and then have to spend and entire afternoon / evening writing a bunch of posts just so I could catch up, and get them all out of the way.

Like right now. I’ve got another 9 posts in order for me to catch up completely, and I’m not sure how many I’ll be able to get through before I need to go to bed, or go to work.

I’m actually that far behind, January’s NaBloPoMo has finished and February has already begun, so the pressure is going to continue. Now I have to try and work out when I’m going to be able to sit down for a decent chunk of time and really smash out a string of posts, whilst still making them seem readable and not seem so… rushed.

Jan 30: Persuading Others

If you could persuade people to do one thing right now, what would it be?

I would actually try to persuade people to have more of a social conscience.

Only in the past few years have I really developed more of a social conscience in terms of being more vocal about things that I believe in – things like animal rights, climate change, marriage equality, boycotting companies that don’t support the same beliefs that I have.

And then we end up with this complete and utter monstrosity, Tony Abbott, as our leader, who is so completely backwards, he almost seems to be determined to try and inflict as much damage as possible, so that when he gets voted out at the next election, him and his Liberal government will then have all this damage and destruction to use as a platform for the incoming government, and use that to make them look inadequate because they won’t be able to fix it overnight, and they wont have billions of dollars at their disposal to start trying to undo all the damage that the Abbott government has, is and will cause to our country.

Without actually thinking about the country that we live in and the world that we live in, people tend to just sit back and ignore or avoid these kind of things because they don’t think it affects them; or they think that they can make a change, (or maybe they don’t want to?!) but the fact still remains, that there is a lot of shit that happens in this world, and not enough people really seem to care about it to do anything to create a positive change. Yes, there are a number of activists out there, but more often than not, they give the actual term ‘activist’ a bad reputation.

What’s the first thing you see in your head when you hear the word activist? I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that it’s something like a person with some signs / placards, chaining themselves to a fence or a tree, or maybe standing in the way of a bulldozer in a picket line. Perhaps they’re rocking out a giant mop of bushy dreadlocks, screaming into a megaphone, barefoot, with a face full of piercings and referring to themselves in the third person by their alternate non-religious name of Sapphire or Moonflower.

That doesn’t have to be the case. Any body can be an activist without having to resort to that kind of action. You can do little things, small every-day things, that will at least make you feel like you’re doing your part to help a worthy cause.

Personally, I’m not going to go out of my way to go to a rally. Even if it’s for something that I support, I generally loathe them, because you see those people I just described, and they make me want to throat-punch them. Instead, I do my own stuff. I’ll sign petitions; I’ll buy only free-range eggs; I’ve even gone to the point now where I completely emptied my entire bathroom skincare and hair care products for cruelty-free brands. I’ll donate money to charities like the RSPCA, or supporting initiatives for the homeless. I refuse to support companies that don’t support marriage equality, or have financial ties to anti-gay organisations like the christian lobby. I no longer donate clothing to The Salvation Army or The Red Cross because they refuse to help people who are in need that are homosexual. Those people are more than happy to take my hard-earned pink dollars, but if I ever found myself in need of their assistance, it’s so disheartening to know that the people who gladly took my money would refuse to help me.

Why would I continue to support that. Especially when I’d blindly been doing so for so many years. Part of me wishes I could ask for a refund of everything I’ve donated to them, just so I could give it to a more deserving charity.

But I am just one person. I cannot make a big enough difference to influence any change, but I can tell other people about it. And they can tell people, and so on and so forth. But there’s a difference between agreeing that there is a lot of stuff that is wrong in this world and actually stepping up and doing something to make a difference.

So if you were to sit there and make a list of what do you feel strongly about in terms of a broader social aspect, what would you write down? What are your top five issues? What small steps can you take to make a small difference?? And for those of you that believe in it, I think we can agree that by making a positive change for a social cause will bring you good karma.

And everybody wants good karma, right?

Jan 29: Influencing Others

Are you good at influencing other people?

I think that I can certainly have my moments when I’m talking to others and trying to persuade them or convince them of something. But I find that it’s much easier for me to try and persuade them than it is for them to try and persuade me. I’m simply too stubborn and would prefer to have my own opinion first, and then have others provide their opinions as well as a means of support.

I think it just depends on what exactly it is I’m trying to influence others of. I find that if it’s something that they might not necessarily know much (if anything about) then I can sometimes explain the situation to them so that they are aware… but I can just as easily skew that information to lead them to make the decision themselves, even though it’s the decision that I’d already made, I just lead them in that particular direction and let them think that they got there all on their own.

Other situations, however, aren’t that simple or straightforward. Sometimes it can actually be quite difficult to try and influence others. In some circumstances it can sometimes be almost impossible to even get others to see your point of view because they’re so focused on their point of view, they won’t even consider anything else. Nothing else exists. To an extent it reminds of the old adage ‘if you’re not with me, then you’re against me’. To normal people, this seems completely ridiculous because we see the world in shades of grey (just not 50 of them!), whereas they are only seeing things in black or white; yes or no.

Those people, I find, there’s simply no talking to; no reasoning with them.

Jan 28: Responsibilities

Which of your responsibilities stress you out the most?

After sitting here thinking about this for the past few minutes, I’m still struggling to come up with something. I don’t really have responsibilities. I’m not a parent, I don’t have kids, I don’t have to do school pick-ups, or baby sit, or shuttle kids around to weekend sports, I don’t have a pet, I don’t have a mortgage, I’m not paying off a car…

….I think that based purely on that, some people would just consider my life to be sad and empty.

I think that the most stressful thing I have to be concerned about are really basic mundane things like what I’m going to wear to work, is the public transport going to run on time for a change so I can actually get to work before 9am, and what am I going to listen to whilst on transport.

Gee… so much pressure!!

Jan 27: Time Constraints

What puts more pressure on you: time constraints or achieving perfection?

Short answer:  Both.

Try aiming for perfection whilst having time constraints. It’s not exactly the easiest to achieve. Moreso when you’re constantly being interrupted. Even worse still is when you find yourself completely in ‘the zone’.

If I had to pick one, I’d probably say time constraints. I tend to be quite thorough with my work, and present my work well in terms of layout and design, but my problem is managing to do that in a timely fashion. I could have a couple of weeks up my sleeve to complete something, and that’s where the problem begins.

In the beginning I’m always of the mindset that I’ve got heaps of time, and it’s not a really complicated job, it might take me a day or so max, so I don’t need to really think about it just yet.

WRONG!!

What happens after that is I become a lot more aware of the days passing me by, but in my head I still see myself having heaps of time up my sleeve, and more often than not, it’s usually the day before, or worse, the day it’s due and then I realise I’ve left it until literally the last minute and go into complete meltdown mode and stress out like crazy in order for it to get done.

I will actually get it done, but don’t think about even coming anywhere near me when I get into that mode, because I’ll be ready to rip somebody’s head off.

Time management, not my strongest, and clearly something that needs to be worked on.

Jan 23: Temper Under Control

Do you think it’s possible to control your temper when facing enormous pressure?

This is something that I regularly struggle with. I find that I do go through periods where I am under a lot of pressure, whether it’s work related or pressure I put on myself for whatever reason, and I find that when I am feeling stressed out like that, then I more than often just want to be left alone.

It usually gets to a point where I will snap at anybody for even talking to me, because I’m so heavily focused on what I’m doing at that time. The worst part is when I do actually reach that point, and somebody does cross the line (you know, that line that I only I know exists, and they don’t, essentially meaning their stepping into a lions den without realising it… yeah, that line) I shoot my mouth off… and I shoot to kill.

I cannot deny that I have quite a potty mouth on me, some people find it quite entertaining, some don’t, but when I shoot my mouth off when I am angry… it’s like going down swinging. I will use my words to completely tear somebody apart, and most of the time, I just say it to be a nasty malicious bitch. When I find myself at that point where I can’t even think clearly because I’m so full of rage, my mind shuts off, and my mouth takes over. This is usually why most of the time, when I’m involved in some kind of argument or disagreement, I can’t really remember anything that I say.

I know I say things that are nasty. I know that I say things that are hurtful. I usually just do so as a warning to others… it’s sort of like my way of saying ‘don’t think about even LOOKING at me’, but the thing with that is that when I shoot my mouth off in one of those moments, I really don’t necessarily mean anything that actually comes out of my mouth (because, like I said, I usually just say shit in the heat of the moment), but although I don’t think anything of it, others end up getting quite upset or offended.

That tends to make these situations worse, because I think that they’re being too sensitive, and that makes me look like even more of a bitch.

*sigh*

Evidently, I have a problem.

Jan 24: Pressure To Rebel

Does pressure ever make you want to rebel and do the exact opposite of what is being asked of you?

Oh lordy, does it ever!!

I have this ‘trait’ – it’s almost instinctive, like I can’t even control it. It usually rears its ugly head whenever I’m in a bad mood, or feeling incredibly frustrated, or highly stressed. And it can be the most trivial request. Somebody can ask me to do something for them, and I’ll purposely go out of my way to not do it. I’m not saying that this happens on a regular basis, but I will admit that I have my moments.

It’s childish, and stubborn and completely stupid, but it’s something that happens. I’m not really sure why it happens, but it does.

However, sometimes I don’t even get to that part – more often than not, too much pressure just makes me want to throw my hands up and completely give up on whatever task I’m doing. It might just seem too difficult, or there might not seem like there’s any end in sight, and I find myself just wanting to throw in the towel and give up.

Again, childish and stupid.

Jan 22: Bad Temper

Do you have a bad temper? How often do you lose your temper?

You know how some people will say something like ‘I have a short fuse…’ Well, I have no fuse. I can completely change my mental stage from happy-go-lucky-rainbows-and-puppies to something like white-hot-table-flipping-murderous-rage in a heartbeat.

Trust me, I know that it’s not normal, nor is it healthy, but that’s how I function. I’m not entirely sure why I am the way I am, but I just am, so I have to accept it.

And before you even start making suggestions, I’m going to stop you right there. I’ve tried meditation and relaxation techniques, and they don’t work. I should perhaps investigate more into something like proper anger-management therapy, but that really just requires effort, and I’ve already got enough on my plate as it is. I don’t have time for therapy.

I will say, however, that since I’ve started blogging regularly, I’ve noticed a small change in my demeanor… small, and only slightly noticeable, but it’s a start. Don’t get me wrong, I still at times find myself full of rage, but it’s not as regular or as severe as it has been in the past. I think being able to just write and get stuff off my mind certainly helps a lot… Now I just have to find some time to really start working on the other writing projects I have in the back of my mind – that might even be the therapy that I need.

Who knows?!

And, of course, just to make things worse, I’m a Scorpio.

Well, I’m on the cusp of both Scorpio and Sagittarius, so I have tendencies of both, but predominantly, I’m a Scorpio – and if you’ve ever gotten on the wrong side of a Scorp. then you will know what I mean when I say we are quite capable of making life hell.

I’m not entirely sure why I have such a temper… I’m not really sure where it came from, or when it really started to get so bad, but for as long as I can remember, I have always had a bad mood. Maybe it’s just something that’s ingrained in me simply because I am a Scorpio. I’m not really sure.

But the other part of my bad temper, is that I hold grudges. I really wish that I didn’t, and sometimes I really try hard to let things go and just move on so that I’m not still holding on to the past, but dammit, it’s actually really hard to do. And even then, I have my moments. I can hold a grudge for years, and then if you ask me about it on a day where I’m feeling great and living in the present, then I act as though I’ve let go of the drama and it doesn’t exist anymore… until I fall into a bad mood again, and then it’s as though it’s always been there.

Even in some circumstances where I say that I’ve let go of the drama, I will never forget.

If something has happened that has really affected me, emotionally, physically, etc, that’s going to stay with me for a very, very long time. Some people have some ability to simply shrug their shoulders and let it go as though it never happened, because it’s always going to be in the past, and you can’t change the past.

why can’t I do that?? Probably because I’m too busy being in a bad mood, visualising somebody else’s downfall in some horrific way, and holding a permanent grudge.

Jan 21: Perfection

Do you feel pressure to be perfect? How much of it is tied to what you see online?

Most certainly not.

Perfect doesn’t exist. We all have our ideal of what perfect is – what it looks like, what it feels like etc, and a lot of people strive for that – perfect life, perfect job, perfect partner etc etc, but it simply does not exist.

The media, in it’s various shapes and forms, plants a seed in your head – if you look a certain way, then your life will be happier and easier, you’ll be popular, you’ll marry a model, live in a mansion, have lots of money so you can spend your days living like one of those bitches from The Real Housewives…

… I don’t buy it.

Maybe it’s because I’m so jaded?

When was the last time you saw a model interviewed? Miranda Kerr, anyone?!? Even Sportspeople… hello, Ryan Lochte…

Both of them are incredibly beautiful, and great at what they do… so long as they don’t open their mouth – then it’s all over. But people like this are everywhere… basically anything that doesn’t rely on being skilled enough to string a sentence together. They may be beautiful, but sometimes it ends there. Take Miranda Kerr… gorgeous, Australian, ambassador for countless organisations, international supermodel, and up until last year, was Mrs Orlando Bloom… as an outsider looking in, she seems to have the perfect life, job, partner etc.

…now he’s left her, she’s been dumped by Victoria’s Secret, as well as a number of organisations as their spokesperson etc, does she still seem to epitomise what we view as perfection??

Being seen as somebody who has everything doesn’t exempt them from all the personal and professional shit life throws at every single one of us. Just because you’re famous, and beautiful, and rich etc, doesn’t mean you’re untouchable.

But that’s the problem, the media constantly portrays a life of wealth and beauty as being perfect, when really it might appear like that, but underneath all those diamonds and designer dresses, they’re just as miserable as the rest of us.

Case in point, let’s look at Taylor Armstrong from Real Rich Bitches Housewives of Beverly Hills:

Married to a very successful (read: wealthy) business man, has a young daughter, lives in a mansion, wears designer dresses, is driven around in a limo, flies on private jets, runs a charity, donates to charity, has published a book, spends her days lunching with the other ladies, attending social events, and basically just being a rich glamorous bitch.

Sounds pretty perfect, right?

Well, behind all that, she was being abused by her husband, keeping it from her friends, developed a drinking habit as a coping mechanism, lashed out at her friends for even talking about it, tried to keep her husband happy and went against everybody else’s advice to just get out and save herself and her daughter and had a number of pretty epic breakdowns. In the end her husband hung himself, she found the body, was up to her eyeballs in lawsuits and debt, discovered her husband had a completely secret life and business dealings she knew nothing about, and had to sell off her possessions including her wedding ring to start repaying her husbands debts.

Still sounding perfect to you?? Didn’t think so.

Even with Taylors case, I think it’s wrong to be airing such dirty laundry like that and bringing it to the public’s attention, because it’s between her and her husband, and who’s right is it to get in amongst whatever issue they’re having. On the other hand, she’s said that she’s grateful that it was featured on the show, simply because of that reason. It brought attention to something like domestic violence. It brought attention to the fact that here is this woman being beaten by her husband, and she’s still managing to be a parent for her child, and continue about her day as though nothing is wrong, putting on a brave face, whereas her girlfriends (and the rest of the country) are all sitting by thinking ‘gurrl, you gotta get outta that situation!!’. But nobody can force her to do something she’s not comfortable doing.

I feel sorry for all celebrities having their private life plastered all over the news, especially when it’s about their relationships and the ending of them. Celebrity divorces, custody battles etc, they’re all big sellers in the media, but part of me feels that at the end of the day, they’re still human beings like the rest of us.

If I was going through a divorce, I wouldn’t want anybody knowing the ins and outs of the situation as it would be between me and my ex – who else’s business is it? Oh that’s right, NOBODIES!!

So no, I don’t believe in perfection. You might, and good for you for doing so, but I see the world for the harsh reality that it is, and it’s certainly not perfection.

Jan 20: Conformity

Do you still feel pressure of conform? If no, what age did it stop?

 

In certain aspects of my life, I still feel there is almost an obligation for me to conform – regardless of whether or not I want to for whatever reason. Certain situations in my life don’t allow me to question people and / or their actions which I find so unbelievably frustrating.

Even if it’s something that I don’t agree with, or don’t support, there is an expectation of me to be a team player, whereas I would be the one to point out all the faults and reasons not to support it.

But if I do that, then I’m not seen as a team player, instead, I’m viewed as being too negative. I view it as being logical.

Rather than work out the answers to issues as we go along, why not sit down and brainstorm all the possible variables for a situation, and then work out what the solutions for those variables will be. I’m the sort of person that asks the questions that others either don’t want to ask, or simply don’t consider. That’s how my brain works. You tell me you want to begin some kind of venture, and I’ll immediately think of at least a dozen different questions that I know you haven’t thought of, or can’t answer.

The bit that really drives me up the wall, is that I will at least voice my concerns with whoever is in charge, which is usually completely disregarded, then later down the track something will happen that they didn’t anticipate (and something that I voiced a concern over) and then everything becomes frantic whilst they scramble to find a solution.

Meanwhile, I completely walk away from the situation washing my hands of it because I tried to bring it to their attentions, and they ignored me. It’s just that it happens more than I would like it to – you’d think that by now, surely, they’d actually value my input and listen to what I have to say, because I’m sure they don’t find any pleasure in seeing me sitting there saying I TOLD YOU SO yet, they continue to let these situations happen.

 

My input means nothing, so I don’t get involved. But if I don’t get involved, I’m viewed as not being a team player.

I just can’t deal with these basic bitches.

The cherry on top of it all, is that these people are earning a fuckload more money than I am, and yet ignore what I have to say, even when I’m right.

So yes, as much as it frustrates me, and as much as it makes me start flipping’ tables in my mind, I really don’t have any choice but to just shut and be a team player – it’s my job, and that’s what I’m there getting paid to do, even though I might be surrounded by idiots.

As for the rest of my life, no, I’m such a non-conformist. I think I was the most when I was in high school because it’s all about trying to fit in and being part of a little group of friends, or a clique, but even then, it drove me crazy. I’m too independent to be conforming to what other people expect or demand – sometimes I go to the extreme of just being so incredibly stubborn simply to make a point or stand my ground, even if I’m completely aware that I really don’t need to be doing so.

*sigh* I’m starting to sound like a bit of a complicated individual. *lol*