2 Dec – A Pleasant Surprise

Talk about a surprise that made you happy.

Due to my self-reliant nature, and the fact that I’m constantly disappointed in people in general, I find that I get quite excited and find a lot of happiness in the smallest of surprises.

19 Sept – Best Friend

Tell us about your best friend.

 
I’m sensing a cross-over here… I know I could write about my partner, but the truth is, even we haven’t got the same connection my ex-best friend and I had. And I wrote all about it here!

Daily Prompt – On Bees and Efs

Do you — or did you ever — have a Best Friend? Do you believe in the idea of one person whose friendship matters the most? Tell us a story about your BFF (or lack thereof).

There are a few particular BFF’s that I could write about, but I think I’ll focus on a past BFF – ‘D’.

Daily Prompt: Born to Be With You

Got a soul-mate and/or a best friend? What is it about that person that you love best? Describe them in great detail — leave no important quality out.

I know that when you’re in a relationship with somebody, there’s an expectation for you to write about them and explain how they are your soul mate and your best friend… but I don’t really want to do that… Don’t get me wrong, I could easily write about him, but I choose not too simply of of sheer defiance.

Instead, I’ll talk about my other soul mate – Crazy Cat Lady.

We have been working together for a few years now, and developed a great relationship / friendship. She’s one of those people who just gets me. If I turn up to work and she’s not there, then I feel rather depressed. Without her there, I have nobody to really talk to, or interact with. She’s the one that allows me to be neurotic and random. And I know that I do the same with her. I guess you could call it separation anxiety.

I’ve been away from work for the past week, and when I returned the other day, some of the other staff had commented how unhappy she had been feeling, and how much she had missed me. She is also just as random as I am, and when you’re so used to having that particular type of daily interaction with somebody, it’s something that helps get you through the day; it helps to subdue the rage; it’s something that we both look forward to, and also miss terribly when the other is not at work.

I found out today that Crazy Cat Lady has a few weeks of annual leave coming up, and it only really hit home this evening that she’s not going to be around. It’s undoubtedly going to be quite a hard few weeks to get through because I’ll have nobody to be random with. I’ll have nobody to talk gibberish too. I’ll have nobody to be neurotic with. I guess I can find solace in  knowing that although she’ll be away, she’ll still be checking her email, and she’ll continue to forward me links from her newsreader – usually videos about cats or something.

She really is one of my best friends, and I can’t imagine not having her in my life.

 

And if you’re reading this, Magoo, well golly, you’re the bees knees, and I think that you’re pretty swell. Now, how bout we have a giant cup of tea and three-hundred biscuits and talk about cats… and the salmon… in the Yemen… or you can just geeeeettttt oooouuutttt

😉

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/prompt-born/

Mar 19: Your Own Best Friend

Would you say that you are your own best friend?

 

Well, there’s Hulk, but sometimes he doesn’t even count. I have moments where I will want to tell him something, or share something with him from my day, and he just tunes out. Even if he doesn’t actually verbally say anything, his actions tell me that he really doesn’t give a shit, and probably just wants me to shut the fuck up.

Unfortunately, years of this behaviour has lead me to not really share much with him. Take this blog for example. I wanted nothing more than to a) tell him that I was actually undertaking this project; and b) hoping that he might show the most minute shred of remote interest, pat me on the back, say ‘good for you, baby’ and send me on my merry way.

Instead, when I went to tell him about it, I got instantly shut down and told that he doesn’t want to hear about it. He wants to know nothing about it. He thinks it’s a stupid idea, and thinks that I certainly shouldn’t be writing it.

After initially feeling completely floored by this overreaction… I took anmoment to try and explain to him in more detail, and make a point of emphasising the fact that he was CLEARLY confused, and was thinking of my other blog, but he wouldn’t hear it. He had already decided that he didn’t want to even give me a chance to say what I had to say. He’d made up his mind that he wanted to know NOTHING, and because I’d told him this during our romantic dinner.. it made the rest of the meal quite uncomfortable and awkward… and silent.

…so romantic.

So here I am 240+ posts later, and he still refuses to even let me have a moment to talk to him about it. The hands go up and I get “I told you, I don’t want to know about it”. It’s quite disappointing and disheartening.

Oh well.

Because of moments like this, I do become my own best friend. I do things for me. Things that are just for me, because I know he wont want to be involved, or it doesn’t interest him. It can sometimes be really hard having a partner who can sometimes be such a complete polar opposite to me… but then I think that perhaps those moments are what make us work so well…? Variety is a good thing in a relationship, right??

Daily Prompt: Something So Strong

Tell us the origin story of your best friend. How did you become friends? What is it that keeps your friendship rockin’ after all these years?

My best friend… hmmm… well this is kinda hard.

I feel as though I’m obligated to write about Hulk, because he’s my best friend, but I also feel somewhat obligated to even say that, simply because we’re in a relationship… and when you’re in a relationship with somebody, there’s an expectation for you to consider that person your best friend…

Hulk and I… well, Hulk and I really balance each other out. I think that even if we weren’t in a relationship, I would like to believe that we would still be great friends, simply because of that balance. When I’m in a rage, he calms me down, but when I’m calm, he can also put me in a rage – and vice versa. The qualities that he has, which balances me out, are also the same qualities that I have which balance him out.

We really do work quite well together when needbe, and we always bounce ideas off each other.

When I’m planning on writing something or saying something really quite blunt and scathing, he’s my filter. When he’s full of rage and ready to rip somebody’s head off, I’m the one that calms him down (literally, like The Hulk!). HULK SMASH!!

Even though after all this time, I sometimes feel like he really doesn’t get me the way some of my other friends do; and although we might not have the same kind of friendship / relationship like I do with some other people in my life, we’re just great together. He really does complete me, and I know that I complete him.

I think if we were to ever break up, it would be so epic and so crushing, not just for us, but for everybody that knows us. In saying that though, depending on the circumstances of a breakup, after enough time had passed, I like to think that we would still be able to remain friends. We both work in the same industry, so it’s inevitable that we would see each other quite regularly, and I personally like to think that we’d be able to at least be civil to each other, rather than hold onto grudges and hositility. But I don’t see that happening for a long, long time, so I don’t need to concern myself with that.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/13/prompt-something-so-strong/

Daily Prompt: Tainted Love

Ever been dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend? Was it a total surprise, or something you saw coming? Tell us your best worst breakup story. Never been the dumpee, always the dumper? Relate the story of a friend who got unceremoniously kicked to the curb. Change the names to protect the innocent if you must.

It was my 20th birthday, and I got dumped. Happy Birthday To Me, right?

I’d kinda been seeing this guy for a few months already, and the way I saw things, he was my boyfriend, and I was his. I didn’t really know what else to call it… is there such thing as a casual boyfriend?

Anyway, things were going well. It was still kinda new: we were spending our free time together. He was working full time; I was dancing full time; so we’d spend our nights together. It wasn’t every night, because we understood we both needed space and it was too soon to be joined at the hip. It was great spending time together, and being able to just hang out with somebody. It was exciting for me. I was so infatuated with this guy. He was tall, and very ruggedly good looking. He was the kind of guy who I couldn’t believe was actually interested in me, because to me, he was so incredibly hot and could’ve had anybody he wanted. To a point, he actually made me feel somewhat insecure quite regularly in the beginning, because I couldn’t stop second guessing everything he said and did. I felt as though it was some kind of elaborate set up, as though my housemates had put him up to it in order to crush my emotions later down the track.

Anyway, it was my birthday and I got up early to go and spend the day with my best friend. We went out for brunch, and then spent the day shopping. The car broke down later that day in Camberwell, but we still had a great time together. We then had plans to meet up later that night and go clubbing with a small group of friends.

I got home later that afternoon, and had planned on having a small nap before I had to get up, eat, and get ready.

It was about six o’clock when there was a knock at the door. It was G. He’d come over on a whim to drop off a small present for me. I, however, had already told him that I would just catch up with him tomorrow, because I had a busy day today, and wouldn’t have time to see him because he was also quite busy. But he stopped by anyway.

My housemate let him in, and he crept over to the bed where I was asleep. I had woken up when he knocked on the door, but then just as quickly fell asleep, but I woke again when I heard my bedroom door creek. I had just assumed it was one of my housemates putting something in my room… so I felt quite startled when I felt G lay down next to me and start whispering in my ear.

You know that moment when you’re really sleepy and somebody quietly wakes you up, and you have these whisper-conversations amongst you yawning and stretching and being half-asleep?? Well it was like that for a bit, but it felt really nice. It was a wonderful surprise to be asleep on my birthday and have my boyfriend show up unexpectedly. He was stroking my (wild and out of control) hair and whispered ‘Happy Birthday kid’ into my ear. I rolled over and kissed him hello…

…and then we ended up making out for an hour.

When we finally were able to catch our breaths, I explained how wonderful it was that he came to visit, and he said that he couldn’t let my birthday go past without actually seeing me.

He handed me a small gift. I can’t actually recall what that gift was. He’d been asking me for a week or so prior what I wanted to get for my birthday. I was humble enough to say I didn’t want him to get me anything, but when he kept pressing the issue, I gave him a couple of different ideas, in different price points. I didn’t really know where we stood on the relationship / present scale, so I gave him some options to try and gauge where he was at.

I just remember opening my gift and feeling quite disappointed in what he had gotten me. I didn’t dare show this expression, instead telling him how perfect it was and how it’ll always make me think of him. In my head, however, I was screaming in anger at how stupid he was for not getting me anything that I ACTUALLY wanted. What’s the point in asking me, and then me giving you a variety of possibilities, if you’re not actually going to use it?

So after all that, he says that he want’s to talk to me about something. I was thinking that he was going to tell me that my real present was actually a romantic weekend away together. Or maybe he was going to tell me that he was actually going to come to a gay club tonight (for the very first time) and get over his anxiety about it so he could celebrate my birthday with me. Or maybe he was going to invite me over to his place for a change and cook me dinner or some kind of wonderful, romantic gesture.

That wasn’t however what came out of his mouth.

‘I’m sorry, but I can’t do this right now. I don’t think we should see each other anymore.’

I couldn’t believe what had just come out of his mouth. I actually thought he was joking.

He wasn’t joking.

He then sat there and explained to me that he was feeling a bit confused, and was feeling a bit pressured into something that he wasn’t ready for. That something was called ‘a relationship’. He wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with me.

My heart jumped into my throat, and suddenly everything around me froze in time. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t understand. Only 2.5 weeks prior we had been truly intimate for the very first time. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, but I lost my virginity to this guy. I thought that he was the one… but in saying that, I was just shy of being twenty. I also thought my tight cotton-lycra dance pants were the most awesome thing ever.

So then all of a sudden, ten thousand questions start flooding my brain, and I stopped hearing the words coming out of his mouth. It was like all the sound disappeared, because all I could hear was my inner voice going mental with a constant stream of questions and self doubt.

Oh my god, what’s happening? How could he say that? What’s wrong with me? I knew it was too good to be true! Maybe this was the plan? I bet the girls (my housemates) put him up to this on purpose, just to do this and hurt me on my birthday. I though things were going well! I thought he liked me. Why doesn’t he like me? I waited so long before we had sex, and I explained that and he said he was cool with it! Maybe he wasn’t okay with it. Maybe he was just too frustrated. But I’ve been sleeping with him. And the sex is phenomenal. Maybe he doesn’t like it? Fuck, has he been lying to me? Oh my god, I can’t believe that he’s been lying to me this whole time. How could I have been so stupid?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!??

So then my inner dialogue exploded into outer dialogue and all these questions were being thrown at G like a constant barrage of ninja stars.

He said that he really likes me. He agreed that he’d never felt like this with anybody – never felt such an indescribable connection with another guy, but I knew that was just some bullshit line people give each other when they don’t want to speak the truth. He said that he’s cried more with me, than he has in the last few years, because he feels that comfortable with him. He told me that he was just too scared to be in a relationship because he’s too scared to give himself over completely. The thought of it terrified him.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

So I began to question him and everything he said. He was stating the facts and how it made him feel, and I wanted to believe him, but nobody does a complete 180 like that without a good enough reason.

Question after question and question.

Then he said it. The REAL reason behind all his bullshit.

He. Still. Had.  A. Boyfriend.

Yep. A FUCKING BOYFRIEND!! I couldn’t believe it. How could I have been so STUPID!! But then it made sense… of course it was all too good to be true. As if anybody that hot would ever remotely be interested in me, let alone give me the time of day. I had felt that it was too good to be true, and now I knew for certain.

I grabbed the present and threw it at him, and told him to get the fuck out of my house.

He countered by crying.

‘No. No, no, no, no, no. Sorry. You don’t get to stand there and cry, when you’re the one breaking up with me, on my BIRTHDAY… BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FUCKING BOYFRIEND!! You don’t get to be upset. You just get to be a fucking arsehole. Get the fuck out of my house. I’m done with you. Just delete my number. I want nothing to do with you.’

He continued his weird man-crying and fell against a wall asking me if I was okay.

No, I was just in a pure rage.

How the fuck could you do this? Of all the days, you had to pick my birthday. Seriously.. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!?!?

I stood there trying so hard not to cry, but it didn’t last. The sadness was quickly replaced with sheer rage, and I went crazy at him. How dare you stand there and tell me you’re not ready for a relationship…. oh that’s right, BECAUSE YOU’RE ALREADY IN ONE… oh, what’s this, OH, BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN WITH THIS GUY FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS ALREADY… I’m not asking you to leave you boyfriend, I just wish I had’ve known about it before I fell in love with you and wanted you to be my knight in shining armour; my prince charming.

I finally kicked him out and watched him go sit in his car and cry into his steering wheel before returning inside and looking for my phone. I couldn’t believe what just happened. I needed to talk it through with somebody, so I went to call D.

I picked up my phone and saw a stack of missed calls and messages, and started going through them one-by-one. Each one of them was one of my so-called ‘friends’ telling me they suddenly weren’t coming tonight to celebrate my birthday because they conveniently had something else on, or they had suddenly come down with some kind of illness.

What better way to fill that giant hole in my chest that G just cut out with a giant rusty knife, than with some super excruciating bullshit which burnt like lemon juice.

I then got a call from two of my friends who were already on their way in from Geelong. They were about 20mins away from my place, and told me to get my arse into gear. I quickly showered and got myself dressed, and then started received a stream of text messages from G. He’d obviously realised how much of a cunt he had just been to dump me on my birthday, and tell me he’s not able to be in a relationship, because he’s already in one. Perhaps the worst possible timing ever!!

The boys turned up, and I ended up asking them to come inside and we started talking. I ended up confessing to them that I’d been seeing G. See, I hadn’t told anybody about G. It was a secret for me. A couple of my friends thought that I might be seeing somebody, because I was never around to hang out with them, but I never admitted anything to anybody… except now.

So, almost three hours later, it was approaching midnight, and we were well and truly fashionably late, so we picked ourselves off and headed off to the club. The cherry on top was having more people cancel on me and then the boys leaving after only an hour and a half. I distinctly recall it being 2am, and I was all by myself. I was sitting on a couch upstairs at this club replaying the entire day back in my head, piece by piece, and realising how much of an epic clusterfuck the entire day was. I was more surprised that I wasn’t at home in bed having some kind of emotional breakdown.

Instead, I just needed to dance. And I did. And boy did I dance. I decided that for the rest of the night, I wasn’t going to allow myself to have any more inhibitions, and I just let loose. I remember catching a tram home around 6:30 – 7am as the sun was rising, and feeling as though I had just had the best night out ever. And it was all on my own.

However, all night I was still getting messages from G. I told him to fuck off and stop messaging me with his messages of self-regret. He made a choice, he has to live with it. It doesn’t mean he gets to message me constantly and still try to make me feel better by telling me how much he loves being with me. Sorry, I’m not having that shit.

UGH. I can’t believe that I lost my virginity to somebody who turned out to be such a cunt.

I felt so stupid for falling for him so quickly. I can’t believe that I had been such a dickhead. How could I have been so gullible. I always thought I was so smart with this kind of stuff, and yet I turned out to be so dumb.

I don’t think I was ever the same after that. It really changed me and my outlook on relationships. After that, I never wanted to be in a relationship. I wanted to only ever have casual flings with guys, because I never wanted to allow myself to get that close to anybody ever again. If I don’t allow myself to get close, then I won’t end up getting hurt if things don’t work out.

Turns out it just fucked with my head more than I had anticipated, and was the beginning of perhaps one of the most destructive relationships I’ve ever had. More of my fucked-up relationship with G can be found here. There are so many of these kind of scenarios that I had with G, I knew that it was wrong from the beginning, but I just couldn’t bear to completely cut him out of my life. It became such an on-again, off-again type of relationship that actually did far more harm and far more damage than good.

I’ll never be the same after that relationship, and not in a good sense.

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/daily-prompt-tainted-love/

Daily Prompt: BFFs

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from the person you’re the closest to?

I’ve learnt that I need to stop making decisions when I’m emotional, and that I need to stop and re-read things before I send them. I need to re-structure what I say before I say it because regardless of how it sounds in my head, more often than not it’s not going to sound the same when the other person reads it, if anything, it’s probably going to come across as being negative, or passive-aggressive even if that’s not the intention.

I think I’ve managed to box myself into some kind of particular persona that others view me as, when in actual fact, I’m not like that. Well, not all the time.

I’m the person that asks questions nobody else has considered yet. I’m the person who’s always thinking of plan B, C, D etc when others are purely focused on Plan A, and haven’t even thought that through properly. This is also something that Hulk does as well. He will question everything… the only difference is that he knows the right times to ask the questions, and how to do so in a nice way, whereas I do it, and I just make other people feel stupid and inadequate for not having all the answers to my questions.

It happens all the time, but I just don’t understand why they can’t think things through thoroughly in the first instance, and then give everybody else the whole story, not just bits and pieces.

Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I expect too much?

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/28/daily-prompt-friends/