Daily Prompt – Grateful and Guilty

Whether it’s a trashy TV show, extra-pulpy fiction, or nutrient-free candy, write a thank-you note to your guiltiest guilty pleasure

Dear Real Housewives franchise,…

Daily Prompt – Zoltar’s Revenge

In a reversal of Big, the Tom Hanks classic from the 80s, your adult self is suddenly locked in the body of a 12-year-old kid. How do you survive your first day back in school?

 
I remember being 12… I was in year 6 at primary school, in a school of only maybe thirty children. In my grade there was only eight of us. And they were cunts.

Daily Prompt – From The Top

Today, write about any topic you feel like — but you must reuse your opening line (at least) two more times in the course of your post.

‘Okay people, let’s take it from the top. 5-6-7-8…!

9 June – Bite Your Tongue

Are you good at holding your tongue, or do you need to say what is on your mind?

Oooohh… that’s a tough one. I’m very good at biting my tongue when I need to, but in doing so, my brain almost explodes from all the pent up rage, and everything that I really want to be saying to that person. Part of the problem is being so opinionated, and living in a world where I’m not meant to voice my opinion. Ever.

Daily Prompt: You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

What is your least favorite personal quality in others? Extra points for sharing your least favorite personal quality in yourself.

Given the reference to Mr. Grinch, would I be right in assuming that you’re talking about people during the festive season?? Yes? No? Let’s just go with that.

So, Christmas. Ugh. As I mentioned recently, I’m not necessarily a fan of Christmas on it’s own… but I think that’s primarily due to the people that I have to deal with during Christmas time. I think that those glamorous, attention-hungry bitches – The Mean Queens kinda summed up the family side with their post about family at Thanksgiving dinner which could easily be applied to Christmas as well!!

It’s really hard to focus on just one quality in people, but I think it’s the people who work retail during christmas. I’m talking about those selfish, lazy tween bitches who think that they’re so incredibly superior to pretty much everybody, but if you dare ask them to actually do something like, oh I don’t know, their job, they roll their eyes, and sigh and groan as if your request is so incredibly unreasonable.

Then there’s those bitches who struggle to even acknowledge your existence, despite you standing in front of them with a handful of cash or a credit card. You stand there and ask them something like ‘So, how’s your day going? You must be incredibly busy around this time of year?’

‘Yep.’

…and that’s it. Attempt at small talk: FAIL. And that’s if you’re even fortunate enough to actually get a response, let alone an actual word instead of some kind of grunt.

Now, I’m not saying that all retail bitches are like this, just the majority of them. And look, I understand that you’re probably working really long shifts because it’s Christmas, and you’re probably spending your days dealing with shoppers who are fucking retarded and that’s exhausting enough as it is, but if it’s so unbearable for you, then perhaps you shouldn’t be working in retail? Or maybe just don’t work over the Christmas period?

This is why I could never work retail. I’d be fired within the first day, because I’d lose my shit at somebody asking me a dumb question.

Sometimes you run into those ones though – the ones who are in a table-flipping rage, and are already starting to get blunt with shoppers. Hulk told me about an encounter he had a couple of months ago with some bitch in a shop. He approached them about a charity even he was organising, and the girl there interrupted him and didn’t even listen to what he had to say, and then just walked off, leaving him and the other shop assistant standing there speechless.

God knows if it had’ve been me, the diva in me would have come out and words would have been had…!!

Then there’s those bitches who work in a shop that offers gift wrapping. God forbid you actually ask them to gift wrap your purchase for you. It’s bad enough that they have to expend so much energy on scanning a couple of barcodes, tap away at a screen and ask you if you want a copy of your receipt, now they have to go through that physically exhausting process of wrapping  it all up.

 

HOW. DARE. YOU!!

Now, like a very small percentage of the population, I’ll admit that when it comes to gift-wrapping, the gay in me lights up like a fucking beacon and in a heart beat I’m working out colour palettes and card choices. What colour paper should I use? What type of paper should I use? Do I use a satin ribbon, or do I use a sheer ribbon? What if I layer two ribbons and do an elaborate bow? Or do I use some string instead and go minimal? What if I use a box instead? But what if they don’t have that colour? What’s the alternate?

I love that shit.

Evidently, some people really hate it. I remember one particular store I was in last year when I was doing my xmas shopping, they offered to wrap it for me. I quickly looked at what paper / ribbon options they had, and it seemed to be alright. I watched another girl wrapping somebody else’s purchase and she did a great job, and I’m like ‘okay, this looks promising, and it’s one less present I need to worry about. Granted, it’s going to stand out because it doesn’t match my colour palette, but I can live with that’ but then that girl walked out the back and didn’t return.

The girl who did the sale started asking which paper / ribbon combo I wanted.

…uh oh.

I made some choices and she started hacking at the paper like a blind 3 year old with plastic scissors…

Oh god.

She was about half way through wrapping it, but it looked as though she had never actually wrapped anything in her life. Like, ever!!

 

Well, except for maybe all the tween peen she’s been enjoying.

Halfway through, I actually asked her to stop and not worry about it. I may as well just asked a child to wrap it instead. It was an absolute mess.

Sometimes I actually just want to offer my gift-wrapping services to some stores just so those hard-done-by retail bitches don’t have to do it, and completely fuck it up.

So this year, I did most of my shopping online, and it was the best decision. I don’t have to deal with hordes of people at a shopping centre, I don’t have to deal with snotty little retail bitches. It’s just easier.

 

And just for those of you that love that scene from Bridesmaids so much, have fun with this clip… 🙂

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/18/prompt-mr-grinch/

Daily Prompt: Memories of Holidays Past

What is your very favorite holiday? Recount the specific memory or memories that have made that holiday special to you.

I don’t particularly have a favourite holiday.

New Years?

Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to celebrations especially New Years Eve, we know how to put on a show… but at the same time… meh. I think there is nothing worse than going out on NYE. See, here in ‘Straya, NYE is usually between 35-40 degrees C (95-104 F for all of you in ‘Murrica), which means it’s pretty fucking hot. All I really want to do is either be at the beach living in the ocean, or inside somewhere with air conditioning like the inside of a refrigerator. The last thing I would want to do is go out clubbing and be stuck in a nightclub, surrounded by hundreds of other people, sweating their holes out, absolutely drunk off their tits, squashed together like a tin of sardines, with air con that has already failed.

Why don’t I just get half naked, cover my shoes with vomit and have a dance party in a sauna. It’s practically the exact same thing.

No thanks.

Valentine’s Day.

Give me a bucket.

Now, even though I do have a partner, and I do love him, that doesn’t mean that I completely lose my mind over Valentine’s Day. Roses, balloons, romantic dinners, chocolates… puh-lease! Okay, welll, maybe not the chocolates, I’ll keep those.

I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day, probably because when I spent so many years single on this particular day, and all it really did was basically just confirm that I’m single and nobody loves me.

Easter.

Well, how could anybody not like Easter?? In a world that’s getting more and more ridiculous over religious holidays, because they want to be so ultra-politically correct, those damn catholics are banging on about Jebus, when really, all I care about is how much fucking chocolate I’m going to consume over the 4-5 days off work that I’ve got coming my way.

However, what really grinds my gears is that as soon as Christmas and New Years is over, the shops almost immediately start promoting Easter… even though it’s, like, four months away.

Seriously, people. Do you think that we might miss it? When was the last time you found yourself thinking, ‘oh gee, I totally forgot that it was Easter. I guess I missed all that in-your-face marketing over the past few months’.

Public Holidays.

Well, I do admit that I do enjoy public holidays. They’re like little bonuses when you’re working because most of the time, it means a day off, and frankly, there isn’t enough of them. We really should have a public holiday at least once a month. The best is when they fall on either a Friday or a Monday… then I try and take the day either side off so I end up with four days off at once. WOO HOO… MINI BREAK!!

Melbourne Cup.

I like that Melbourne Cup is a Public Holiday here in Victoria, but that’s where it stops. It’s part of the Spring Racing Carnival and I can’t fucking stand it. As somebody who catches public transport, the SRC means only one thing: messy drunk bogan bitches in designer dresses. Ripped dresses, stained dresses, twisted ankles from heels they can’t walk in – and most end up wandering around barefoot. And when it’s 3 in the afternoon, that’s not exactly a classy look, ladies. Ugh, it’s just repulsive.

Then there’s the guys… don’t even get me started. Pointy white shoes should have never been created. They just make you look ridiculous. And I find that generally speaking, the guys fall into either one of two categories:

1. Those who look like sex offenders, and are only going to the races with the prime intention of raping hooking up with somebody, taking photos up girls dresses (up-skirting), and just being generally repulsive.
2. Those who look like super-douchey hipsters.

Just keep it away from me.

Christmas.

No. No no no no no.

Christmas is that part of the year that starts being promoted by stores almost immediately after Easter. Y’know, just in case you miss it!! 

I think Xmas is the worst of them all. It’s all about family politics – who’s hosting lunch / dinner? Who’s invited? But if they come, then we have to ask so-and-so and their family to come as well. Then there’s the nightmare of actually going shopping. You’ve all been to a shopping centre during the xmas period. It’s a fucking nightmare. You can never get a park, and there’s people EVERYWHERE. I go with a mission: have a list of what to get, and then work out a specific route of stores I need to go to so I can get in and out in as little time as possible… but it rarely goes to plan.

People feel compelled to just waddle through the place at a glacial pa

And so by this stage, I’m in a white hot shopping rage and ready to stab somebody in the neck with a fork. JUST MOVE OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!!!

I’ve actually been smart enough to do my xmas shopping online this year. I don’t have to go to shops, all my presents come to me, and some places even gift wrap it before they send it which is one less gift that needs to be wrapped.

The only thing I really enjoy about xmas is that it’s the end of the year and I have 4-5 weeks of holidays to look forward to, which really means sleeping in, and playing playstation.

We didn’t put a tree up this year. Second year in a row. I surprised myself the other day when I realised that I actually wished we had’ve put the tree up – well, moreso now that we have a bigger apartment and have ceilings high enough to put up our 7ft tree. But in saying that, we could’ve done so last year, but we just couldn’t be bothered.

Bring on the holidays!

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/16/prompt-holidays-past/