Daily Prompt: Memories of Holidays Past

What is your very favorite holiday? Recount the specific memory or memories that have made that holiday special to you.

I don’t particularly have a favourite holiday.

New Years?

Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to celebrations especially New Years Eve, we know how to put on a show… but at the same time… meh. I think there is nothing worse than going out on NYE. See, here in ‘Straya, NYE is usually between 35-40 degrees C (95-104 F for all of you in ‘Murrica), which means it’s pretty fucking hot. All I really want to do is either be at the beach living in the ocean, or inside somewhere with air conditioning like the inside of a refrigerator. The last thing I would want to do is go out clubbing and be stuck in a nightclub, surrounded by hundreds of other people, sweating their holes out, absolutely drunk off their tits, squashed together like a tin of sardines, with air con that has already failed.

Why don’t I just get half naked, cover my shoes with vomit and have a dance party in a sauna. It’s practically the exact same thing.

No thanks.

Valentine’s Day.

Give me a bucket.

Now, even though I do have a partner, and I do love him, that doesn’t mean that I completely lose my mind over Valentine’s Day. Roses, balloons, romantic dinners, chocolates… puh-lease! Okay, welll, maybe not the chocolates, I’ll keep those.

I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day, probably because when I spent so many years single on this particular day, and all it really did was basically just confirm that I’m single and nobody loves me.

Easter.

Well, how could anybody not like Easter?? In a world that’s getting more and more ridiculous over religious holidays, because they want to be so ultra-politically correct, those damn catholics are banging on about Jebus, when really, all I care about is how much fucking chocolate I’m going to consume over the 4-5 days off work that I’ve got coming my way.

However, what really grinds my gears is that as soon as Christmas and New Years is over, the shops almost immediately start promoting Easter… even though it’s, like, four months away.

Seriously, people. Do you think that we might miss it? When was the last time you found yourself thinking, ‘oh gee, I totally forgot that it was Easter. I guess I missed all that in-your-face marketing over the past few months’.

Public Holidays.

Well, I do admit that I do enjoy public holidays. They’re like little bonuses when you’re working because most of the time, it means a day off, and frankly, there isn’t enough of them. We really should have a public holiday at least once a month. The best is when they fall on either a Friday or a Monday… then I try and take the day either side off so I end up with four days off at once. WOO HOO… MINI BREAK!!

Melbourne Cup.

I like that Melbourne Cup is a Public Holiday here in Victoria, but that’s where it stops. It’s part of the Spring Racing Carnival and I can’t fucking stand it. As somebody who catches public transport, the SRC means only one thing: messy drunk bogan bitches in designer dresses. Ripped dresses, stained dresses, twisted ankles from heels they can’t walk in – and most end up wandering around barefoot. And when it’s 3 in the afternoon, that’s not exactly a classy look, ladies. Ugh, it’s just repulsive.

Then there’s the guys… don’t even get me started. Pointy white shoes should have never been created. They just make you look ridiculous. And I find that generally speaking, the guys fall into either one of two categories:

1. Those who look like sex offenders, and are only going to the races with the prime intention of raping hooking up with somebody, taking photos up girls dresses (up-skirting), and just being generally repulsive.
2. Those who look like super-douchey hipsters.

Just keep it away from me.

Christmas.

No. No no no no no.

Christmas is that part of the year that starts being promoted by stores almost immediately after Easter. Y’know, just in case you miss it!! 

I think Xmas is the worst of them all. It’s all about family politics – who’s hosting lunch / dinner? Who’s invited? But if they come, then we have to ask so-and-so and their family to come as well. Then there’s the nightmare of actually going shopping. You’ve all been to a shopping centre during the xmas period. It’s a fucking nightmare. You can never get a park, and there’s people EVERYWHERE. I go with a mission: have a list of what to get, and then work out a specific route of stores I need to go to so I can get in and out in as little time as possible… but it rarely goes to plan.

People feel compelled to just waddle through the place at a glacial pa

And so by this stage, I’m in a white hot shopping rage and ready to stab somebody in the neck with a fork. JUST MOVE OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!!!

I’ve actually been smart enough to do my xmas shopping online this year. I don’t have to go to shops, all my presents come to me, and some places even gift wrap it before they send it which is one less gift that needs to be wrapped.

The only thing I really enjoy about xmas is that it’s the end of the year and I have 4-5 weeks of holidays to look forward to, which really means sleeping in, and playing playstation.

We didn’t put a tree up this year. Second year in a row. I surprised myself the other day when I realised that I actually wished we had’ve put the tree up – well, moreso now that we have a bigger apartment and have ceilings high enough to put up our 7ft tree. But in saying that, we could’ve done so last year, but we just couldn’t be bothered.

Bring on the holidays!

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/16/prompt-holidays-past/

Daily Prompt: Hear No Evil

Tell us about a conversation you couldn’t help but overhear and wish you hadn’t.

If you’re like me, and you catch the People’s Chariot a.k.a. public transport, then you’re destined to be subjected to some pretty horrible conversations. Basically, these people:

y’know… THOSE people. The people who have no consideration for their surroundings or the people therein. The people who feel the need to talk loudly enough so a whole train carriage can hear their conversation. The people who also feel compelled to carry out conversations that nobody with the sense of hearing needs to hear. Ever.

I have myself some pretty awesome earphones. They drown out all the noise around me so all I hear is my music. It’s absolute BLISS. However, there have been countless times, I’ve been able to hear conversations over the top of my music. Which makes me feel incredibly sorry for everybody else who isn’t currently listening to music.

This one particular evening, I was on the train home from the city, and it was about 9:30pm. I had finished my second job and was met with some train delays due to track work.

*groan*

So I hang around waiting for the next train, which then takes us to another station, where we need to change trains in order to get back home. And then we’re faced with another delay

*groan*

The worst part was that the whole time we were waiting at the station, this moll was having one of the loudest conversations humanly possible. You know those times when you’re on a call to somebody and it starts to drop out, so you START TO TALK REALLY LOUDLY JUST TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY CAN STILL HEAR YOU?? WELL SHE WAS HAVING HER CONVERSATION PRETTY MUCH LIKE THIS THE WHOLE TIME. NATURALLY, AFTER THE FIRST TEN TO FIFTEEN SECONDS IT WOULD GET PRETTY ANNOYING, BUT SHE JUST WOULDN’T SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND THEN IT TOOK A TURN SOUTH…

After being asked by several people on the platform to basically either shut up, or move away from the rest of us, she wandered off to the very end of the platform. But then came back when the train turned up.

The trip to the station where we had to change trains was more or less:

…YEAH BUT THEN THAT FUCKING MOLL ASKED WHERE SHANE WAS AND SHE WAS GIVING ME THIS FUCKIN’ LOOK, RIGHT, AND SO I’VE TURNED TO HER AND I’M, LIKE, ‘OI, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUSE LOOKIN’ AT, YA DIRTY CUNT?!’…. YEAH, OF COURSE I FUCKIN’ DID! …WELL WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE FUCKIN’ THINK SHE IS, FUCKIN’ FAT CUNT!! …NAH …NAH …OHHH YEAHHH, NAH. …NAH, I CAN’T STAND ‘ER. SHE’S A FUCKIN’ MOLL. NAH, LIKE, I TOLD HER NOT TO GO ROOTIN’ AROUND WITH DAZZA’S BRUVVA, SO OF COURSE SHE FUCKIN’ DID. OHHHH YEAHHH, YEAH, SO THEN DAZZA’S BRUVVA TELLS DAZZA, AND HE TELLS ME, AND I’M FUCKIN’ READY TO SNAP THE BITCH!! WELL, YEAH, COZ I WAS SHAGGIN’ DAZZA’S BRUVVA BEFORE I LEFT HIM FOR DAZZA!! NAH, HE’S GOT BETTER TATTS. …OH FUCK NO! …NAH HE’S GOT A MASSIVE KNOB …FUCKIN’ OATH!! YEAH, LIKE, IT NEARLY SPLIT MI CUNT IN HALF… NAH I WAS TOO SCARED …NAH, MADE HIM GROWL ME OUT TO GET ME WET. OHHH FUCKIN’ HOURS!!

…‘growl me out’. Wow. what a classy lady. She also happened to look something like this:

Pure class. All the way.

Quick show of hands those of you feeling a tad nauseous right now…?! Yeah, I thought so.

SO, this continued, and got more and more explicit as time began to drag on ever so slowly, and ever so painfully. Like fingernails on a chalkboard, it was driving people crazy. Some people were stopping their conversations to listen to it, and then having a little giggle. A couple of people whipped out their phones to record this sideshow. She, however, was completely oblivious to everything. I figure, the way her conversation rapidly turned south, her spare hand would have done so as well, to go foraging through some kind of damp forest for some bean-flicking fun… well, had it not been for the constant cigarette in her free hand.

I felt dirty just being near her.

Our second train finally turned up and we boarded the train. Rather than just being content with her seat, she managed to change seats at least six or seven times before we had even gotten to the next station. I was in the next carriage and could see all this happening, whilst something by P!NK was pumping through my earphones.

Suddenly, a ticket inspector appeared in front of me, and I looked up, and showed them my card, and they went to the next person across from me. I then pointed out ol’ crazy face in the next carriage, and then he, and another 5 of his backup bitches went to the next carriage. Although I couldn’t hear it, I saw a lot of them gesturing for her to calm down, before they had to start defending themselves from her wild and violent arm swings. They finally got her settled, and called for police, and escorted her off the train at the next station.

I still felt compelled to scrub the filth off my skin as soon as I got home.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/02/prompt-hear/