700th Post – Christmas!



First and foremost… this is my 700th post. That came around REALLY quickly… and will perhaps be the last major milestone for quite some time, as I’m planning to move from daily to weekly prompts, focusing purely on creative writing.

But that’s going to be explained in a later post… instead, I’d like to talk about the reindeer elephant in the room…

It’s that time of the year again… bah humbug.

Currently in the office, everybody is going batshit crazy because there was a mistake with the Kris Kingle allocations amongst the staff, and heaven forbid, a couple of people have ended up with *gasp* TWO k.k. gifts this year… and some have ended up with none.

It’s a complete tragedy, and nobody seems to know what to do with themselves, because they’ve worked themselves up into such a state about it. And all of this after somebody decided to lose their shit over the fact that there are two completely identical parcels under the tree of the same size (DUN DUN DUNNNNN), and wrapped in the SAME PAPER!!

I know, I’m just as horrified… IT’S A K.K. GIFT… CALM THE FUCK DOWN, BITCHES!!

All week I’ve been fielding questions from people about what present they should get for another person in the office – even people who should already know the answer to this question – you’ve worked with them for how long now? And you STILL don’t know what they like? It’s unbelievable.

Currently there is more chocolate sitting in this office than there would be in the local supermarket – granted, majority of it is currently sitting under my desk waiting to be wrapped and distributed amongst all these… people.

I’m so unprepared for Christmas this year. I’ve bought no presents yet, I don’t even have a list of who I’m needing to buy presents for – it’s become so last minute, it’s disgraceful. Last year, I had most of my xmas shopping already done, and I did it all online so I didn’t have to go and deal with thousands of fuckwit shoppers wandering around a shopping centre, buying up absolutely everything, just in case it’s the last Christmas on Earth, on the off chance that a giant meteor is going to completely obliterate us all.

…but of course, that only comes after you’ve spent almost an hour driving around the car park, screaming at fucktard drivers who seem to have magically forgotten what driving is and what ‘ONE WAY’ means. That in itself is enough to turn me completely off going anywhere near our local shopping centre. It’s bad enough that on a normal Saturday, the traffic in almost every street leading to Knifepoint Highpoint is banked up for blocks and blocks and blocks. It’s actually so much easier to just walk there from our house, and the truth is, you could probably get in, do your shopping, and get out, before some people have even made it to the entrance of the car park.

It’s a fucking nightmare.

I really just want to complete write-off Christmas this year. I’ve reached a point where I just can’t deal with it anymore. It’s not about the festive spirit anymore… it’s about chocolate;  food, and waaaay too much of it; eating (and then complaining about eating too much – here’s a hint: PUT DOWN THE FUCKING FORK!!); shopping; attempting to make everybody else around you happy whilst you go completely broke or into debt; family obligation; and the most stress that most of us have had to deal with all damn year.

I want nothing to do with it.

This year it’s about Xmas parties. People banging on about how they need to see you before Christmas, with the kind of urgency usually reserved for somebody going off to war… like if they don’t see you before xmas, they’ll never see you again. Honestly, I wish some people would actually take that approach.

This is the first year that I haven’t been able to spend xmas with my mum. Conveniently enough she’s been on my case saying how lovely it would be if I could spend Christmas with her and my brother, because the three of us haven’t spent a christmas together for over ten years now… thanks for that, Mum. #ChristmasGuilt.

Instead, I’ll now be spending my Christmas eve (which I have always spent celebrating with mum) with Hulk’s family instead, followed by the usual massive lunch & dinner on Xmas day. I don’t even really want to do that. I would much prefer for Hulk and I to stay home and actually have some down time for a change, rather than running all over town dealing with stress and chaos.

Hopefully, whatever you are doing this Christmas, it’s not filled with as much stress and resentment as mine is. And we’re still a week away… *ugh*. A lot can happen in a week, and I’m anticipating that it’s all going to turn to shit quite rapidly.

We’re having our office christmas party tomorrow, and even that has blown out to some huge event rather than just a simple staff luncheon, and people flipping out about who’s organising which foods, and why this wasn’t ordered and that was ordered instead, and there isn’t going to be enough of this etc etc. Ironically, my understanding was that we were originally just going to all organise our own take-away lunch instead, and just sit down together for a few drinks and some presents and speeches etc… but no.

Nothing is ever that simple.

Daily Prompt – Shaken and Stirred

What’s the most elaborate, complicated meal you’ve ever cooked? Was it a triumph for the ages, or a colossal fiasco? Give us the behind-the-scenes story (pictures are welcome, of course).

Hmm, thus is kinda tough, because I’ve challenged myself to a few different cooking challenges.
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7 Oct – Autumn Treats

Tell us about your favourite autumnal edible treat.

I don’t particularly have a favourite food that I eat predominantly in Autumn… again, this is another Americanised concept.

Most of my favourite foods aren’t seasonal. I can enjoy ice cream, or chocolate, or pastries at any time of the year… and I do. Although I will say that in the colder months, i.e., Autumn and Winter, I do loves me some hot apple pie with ice cream… or maybe some freshly baked custard tarts… or a nice smooth soup and some toast smothered in butter.

Hmmm… probably shouldn’t be writing this when I’m starving… but then again, it’s almost midnight, so instead I might skip my late-night snack, brush my teeth and go to bed.


Night, y’all.


Daily Prompt – Flavour #32

A local ice cream parlor invites you to create a new wacky flavor. It needs to channel the very essence of your personality. What’s in it?

OMG, so how much do I love ice cream!! Only in the last couple of months have I really become hooked on Ben & Jerry’s. We’re lucky enough to have had a small counter open at our local movie complex.
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May 28 – Happy Food

Which food makes you feel happy when you eat it?

I think that there are a few different types of foods that make me feel happy when I eat them, I think it just comes down to what my emotional state is.
But I think that the number one food that truly makes me happy… is cake.
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Daily Prompt: Pour Some Sugar on Me

What is your favorite sweet thing to eat? Bread pudding? Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies? A smooth and creamy piece of cheesecake? Tell us all about the anticipation and delight of eating your favorite dessert. Not into sweets? Tell us all about your weakness for that certain salty snack.


For people like me, who have a real severe sweet tooth, having to pick one, has the same dread as a parent having to pick their favourite child. How can I possibly pick my favourite sweet thing to eat??

There’s simply too many choices.

At this precise moment, I could totally murder a family-sized custard tart… or an entire cake – like a chocolate Swiss roll, or a butter cake, or like a half-dozen chocolate croissants. Or an entire packet of biscuits – I don’t really care what type of biscuits, just as long as I get to eat an entire packet (or three) of them.

I have a weakness when it comes to sweet things and desserts. And I mean major weankess!! I just can’t restrain myself. In my drawer at work, more specifically my bottom drawer, is where I keep most of my food – like all my crackers, and tins of tuna, and powdered soup packets… but I also have my rectangular plastic container.

In that container I usually have it filled with a few different sweet-snacky things. At the moment I have a few individual packets of low-calorie berry-flavoured biscuits – they’re new on the market, so I decided to try them. In every flavour.

I also have these small banana and choc-chip two-bite snack cake things. Naturally there was three different flavours when I first discovered them, so had to buy a box of each, and have also slowly eaten my way through those as well.

Not to mention the odd mini packet of flavoured Tim Tams… or the odd chocolate bar…

Oh and when one of the parents brings a chocolate fundraising box to work, I’m gladly donating money to that… simply because I can get giant Freddo Frogs and Caramello Koalas for a dollar… A WHOLE DOLLAR!!

I don’t actually think it really matters what the item is, as long as it’s sweet and there’s plenty of it, I’ll go to town with it. Block of chocolate… it’ll be all gone within minutes. I don’t seem to be able to restrain myself, or slow down to savour the flavour, or enjoy the moment… my brain will see a block of chocolate, an entire cake, a box of truffles etc as a challenge and say ‘Right. See all of that?? How fast can you get that into your belleh?? You’ve got a 5-minute time limit. If you can’t finish that whole thing within five minutes, then you’re nothing more than an embarrassment. And a failure. A completely embarrassing failure. You make me sick. What the fuck is wrong with you? What do you mean you don’t feel well?? How dare you let that stop you?! GET OUT OF MY SITE IMMEDIATELY!!’

When I was younger, it was even worse. I had something called ‘The Oprah Box’, which was stashed away within the depths of my wardrobe. It was a red square box, and it was always stocked with packets of biscuits and lollies and blocks of chocolate. And I mean always!. Sometimes I’d get home late at night from dancing, and if I was staying up late studying, I’d attack the box. If my homegirl B came over, we’d attack the box together. There was always something in it.

It amazes me how I don’t have diabetes already. God knows I was certainly on the right path to developing it. I think because I actually eat normal food the rest of the time, and it’s actually pretty healthy, plus the fact that I’m quite regularly active at the gym.

As I finish this post, I’m currently sitting in the food court of a city shopping centre… people around me are eating Mickey D’s and it smells so. damn. good. I just wanna go smash down a couple of burgers, but I have to go to the gym later on, and I simply can’t do it to myself.


Jan 2: Pressure = Obligation

What are you currently feeling pressure to do that you don’t particularly enjoy?

Well, I’m currently on holidays, so I’m not actually feeling much pressure to do anything. I really want to get my lazy arse up to date with all my blog posts – and I must say, yesterday I managed to smash out a whopping 16 blog posts one after the other… That was something that I felt a lot of pressure to achieve, and I really wanted to have it all done before New Years, but I just didn’t get a chance to do so.

But now that I’m home alone (Hulk is back @ work), it’s now 12:10pm, I’m still in my PJ’s on the couch with my laptop, listening to some music by Medina (Check her out on iTunes, she’s got a few really catchy tracks!)

One thing I’m feeling pressure to do is to be more social. It started with New Years Eve. I had no intentions of going out whatsoever because I couldn’t stand the thought of being squished into a nightclub, sweating my hole out, surrounded by stinky drunk disgusting gays and the aroma of smoke, alcohol and b.o. NO THANK YOU.

However, Hulk had made the decision that we were going out much to my dislike. The reality was that it wasn’t as packed as I had anticipated, which was good, and we were out with some great people, which made the night much more bearable. So I ended up enjoying myself…

My problem is that, generally I just don’t like people that much. There’s only a select few of people that I know that I could quite happily spend hours with, without wanting to slowly bleach my retinas, or gouge my eyes out with a piece of rusty tin.

But that’s just a constant in my life. I dislike people in general, which is kinda bad, because it just makes me want to interact with people less and less. I really should change that.

However, given that I’m now getting over the festive season, I do have one underlying pressure I’m placing on myself… to lose weight. Ugh.

Seeing as how for the last two weeks of the year, all I’d done is eat myself stupid… the pinnacle being Christmas Day / Boxing Day, as well as far too much chocolate, I have now got a healthy bouncy little food baby… and I’d like to get rid of it.

However, in order to do so, it means I have to do excercise… but the type of exercise that I absolutely loathe… weights. And I don’t lift weights. I can’t think of anything more boring… and I feel so incredibly self conscious about doing weights in a gym, so the whole thing becomes a complete nightmare.

See… this is what I basically anticipate happening. I know that it won’t because I physically wouldn’t be able to lift anything more than my 5kg baby weights… but it’s the only image I get in my head. That, and the constant intimidation of being surrounded by all these fit muscly guys all watching me and judging me. Fuck that. It stresses me out too much… and how do I deal with stress?? Eat. And what do I have a table full of, waiting to be eaten? Chocolates. And thus, the vicious cycle begins.

I recently stepped out of my comfort zone to try a fitness class I’ve never done before, and it nearly bloody killed me… and I was sore for days afterwards. If anything, I might do that again… start off with something achievable…


Daily Prompt: Festivus for the Rest of Us

You have been named supreme ruler of the universe. Your first order of business is creating and instituting a holiday or festival in your honor. What day of the year is your holiday? What special events will take place? Describe YOU DAY in as great a detail as you can muster: the special foods we’ll consume, the decorations we’ll use…everything.

Supreme Ruler of the Universe. That’s a bit much, but if I have to, I’ll roll with it.

As much as I have always dreamt about being a ruler of a strange and wonderful fantasy land, being the ruler of the universe would be too overwhelming for me. I’m too humble to revel in the glory of such a title.

I, instead, would make it a day for the people. I would probably have a day for the GLBTQIA community instead. If it wasn’t already being celebrated, it would be a day of celebration for the legislative passing of equality – predominantly, marriage equality.

I mean, who am I. Why should I get my own special day, for, essentially, doing nothing. It’s no different to giving The Kardashians an Emmy / Oscar for their outstanding acting abilities. They’re famous for being famous. Famous for doing nothing. Famous for having a reality show, where they do nothing.

I don’t want to be like that. I want to be entitled  to receive such accolades. I would rather receive the title for initiatives, like cleaning up the earth in a parallel universe which I would be more welcoming of. If that were the case, then the day would be more of a celebration of the salvation of parallel earth.

Or I might just have a day of general fabulousness.

Fabula Periodique

 Everybody should get together and dress up in incredibly elaborate costumes, wearble art, and incredibly stunning gowns….

… you get the idea…

So that’s just the costumes…!!

As for the rest of the day, it would be full of festivities, kind of like mixing Carnivale and Mardi Gras together into one giant super camp day.

There would be dancing everywhere… In the street, at work, on the train. There would be music everywhere.

There would be one special area in each town for a main stage, and a constant display of performances – like an end of year dance recital , or a talent show, but each town would have one at the same time, and they would all be streamed live over the internet, and random towns would be shown on giant screens near the main stage in between live performances.

The air would smell of citrus and fresh mint. There would be countless food stalls lining the streets. They would all sell a multitude of dishes and cuisines, but each would need to have a signature dish with either a citrus or a mint flavor / taste as the main feature of the dish. There would also be an array of special dishes that are cooked specifically for this day, for my day. Like chicken, pineapple and mint salad; or a watermelon, apple juice and mint mocktail. Dark chocolate orange mousse. So velvety and light and creamy, it almost dissolves on the tongue, and it will just keep the people wanting more.



Meanwhile, for those of you who are obsessed with fashion, check out Capitol Couture and get a box of tissues, because if a Spring / Summer collection gets your juices flowing, then this will bring you close to climax. *lol*