Daily Prompt – Middle Seat

It turns out that your neighbor on the plane/bus/train (or the person sitting at the next table at the coffee shop) is a very, very chatty tourist. Do you try to switch seats, go for a non-committal brief small talk, or make this person your new best friend?

Given how much I generally loathe people, let alone having to interact with them… I’m sure you can guess what I would do…

Daily Prompt – Fight the Power

Tell us about a time when you fought authority and took a stand against “the man.” Did you win?

There was a situation with one of my employers a couple of years ago. An accusation was made against me (which was false, and completely ludicrous), and without following the companies own policies and procedures in dealing with issues like this, the manager at the time made a complete mess of it.

There were so many facets of this ‘case’ that were just so badly dealt with, I don’t even know where to start.

Let’s start with the instigator. The complaint. So, after I was initially told that there was a complaint made against me, I started to ask questions, and the reality was that somebody had made a passing comment to somebody else, which a third party had overheard. That third party then said something to a fourth person, and then that fourth person brought it to the attention of my manager. So in summation, it all started because of ‘Chinese Whispers’.

What a great professional start!

So, from there, all I was told was that a complaint was made against me, and that I would have to attend a meeting in order to plead my case. I was given a meeting time and date, which I couldn’t make because of my other job, so I set about setting up a mutually acceptable date / time. I was then informed that I was able to bring a support person, and when I said I was bringing Hulk, I was promptly informed that wasn’t an option, as Hulk was supposedly ‘banned’ from the premises, due to being an ex-employee.

At no point during this phase was I actually informed WHAT the complaint actually was. I was going to be informed when I turn up at the meeting. Kind of like an ambush. Sorry, I’m not having that. Perhaps you should read your own HR Manuals…

So, naturally, I went over the managers head, and straight to HR to find out what was what. Granted, as soon as I mentioned the involvement of solicitors, they were more than forthcoming with information about the case. With this new-found information, I went back to my manager and accused her of her complete lack of respect for me as an employee and even just as a human being for being treated the way she was treating me; I informed her that I was completely disappointed in her lack of professionalism, and for the fact that she was trying to build a case out information that she heard ‘through the grapevine’ and couldn’t even confirm with the alleged source of the initial comment. I told her how much I had lost respect for her simply for even entertaining the possibility that any of it was even remotely true – why would I want to do anything like I was being accused of, when knowing that the actual ramifications of such action would jeopardise not just my job, but my career as well. I also pointed out to her several points that I had been given by HR, and informed her that she is in no position to dictate who I can and cannot bring as a support person, and also informed her that Hulk was by no means banned from the premises, as he was still paying his own fees.

Are you fucking kidding me? I just couldn’t believe that this was even happening.

So, when I sent the email, I cc’d it to HR and the Club Manager, and then it blew up.

I got a response from the Club Manager saying that he was now taking control of the case, and that protocol dictates that we still need to have a meeting to discuss the issues. After a multitude of emails back and forth, repeatedly expressing my overwhelming disappointment in the way I was being treated, not to mention that I had been removed from my role whilst the ‘investigation’ continued, and the unbearable stress, anxiety and depression this whole situation had caused, we finally agreed on a meeting date off-site.

I turned up to the meeting with Hulk, and the manager who caused the whole problem didn’t show. She didn’t even have the decency to face me, because she knew – we ALL knew – she had handled the whole situation so poorly. Her not turning up, was the cherry on the cake.

But the absolute kicker was turning up to the meeting with the Club Manager and Regional Manager only to discover that NEITHER OF THEM really knew what the whole issue was. They had only been involved when I started including them in the emails I was sending them, and the woman at the centre of it all hadn’t given them the whole story.

So after spending all this time relaying the entire case point by point in a who-did-what, who-said-what way, even the Club Manager was sitting there basically saying ‘well, I don’t believe any of this for a second. You’re one of our best employees, and you’ve been with us for so long. We’ve had nothing but incredible reports from others about you, and you’ve always been highly praised and recommended by your peers… so I think that this was all completely blown out of proportion…’

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I wanted to leap across the table and punch him in the throat. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!? Granted, had he known the whole story from the very beginning, he would have probably just squashed the whole situation, and it wouldn’t have blown up the way it did.

It was quite an anti-climax. I went in there ready to fight, and rip somebody’s face off. I was so fired up… and it didn’t happen. All they did was apologise for the way it was handled, but it wasn’t good enough. I told them that the manager needed to be reprimanded for her extreme unprofessionalism, and that I wanted to receive a personal apology from her in person, apologising for all the hurt and anguish she had caused me, an apology for her poor handling of the entire case, and an apology for her complete disrespect for me as a respected professional and an employee. I also wanted her to apologise to Hulk as well, but I knew that was pushing it.

I then contacted HR reviewing the meeting, and told them about my request for her apologies. I didn’t receive a response. About a week later she sends me an email, literally apologising for not following up with me on a completely unrelated matter. I was furious. I couldn’t believe that she would be so blatant about not acknowledging my grievances… but at the same time, it didn’t surprise me. She was a nasty piece of work.

A couple of months later, she was made redundant and lost her job and moved interstate.

So, I guess although I didn’t ‘win’ directly, seeing her leave and move away was a small win for me… and many others as well.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/fight-the-power/

Daily Prompt: Tainted Love

Ever been dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend? Was it a total surprise, or something you saw coming? Tell us your best worst breakup story. Never been the dumpee, always the dumper? Relate the story of a friend who got unceremoniously kicked to the curb. Change the names to protect the innocent if you must.

It was my 20th birthday, and I got dumped. Happy Birthday To Me, right?

I’d kinda been seeing this guy for a few months already, and the way I saw things, he was my boyfriend, and I was his. I didn’t really know what else to call it… is there such thing as a casual boyfriend?

Anyway, things were going well. It was still kinda new: we were spending our free time together. He was working full time; I was dancing full time; so we’d spend our nights together. It wasn’t every night, because we understood we both needed space and it was too soon to be joined at the hip. It was great spending time together, and being able to just hang out with somebody. It was exciting for me. I was so infatuated with this guy. He was tall, and very ruggedly good looking. He was the kind of guy who I couldn’t believe was actually interested in me, because to me, he was so incredibly hot and could’ve had anybody he wanted. To a point, he actually made me feel somewhat insecure quite regularly in the beginning, because I couldn’t stop second guessing everything he said and did. I felt as though it was some kind of elaborate set up, as though my housemates had put him up to it in order to crush my emotions later down the track.

Anyway, it was my birthday and I got up early to go and spend the day with my best friend. We went out for brunch, and then spent the day shopping. The car broke down later that day in Camberwell, but we still had a great time together. We then had plans to meet up later that night and go clubbing with a small group of friends.

I got home later that afternoon, and had planned on having a small nap before I had to get up, eat, and get ready.

It was about six o’clock when there was a knock at the door. It was G. He’d come over on a whim to drop off a small present for me. I, however, had already told him that I would just catch up with him tomorrow, because I had a busy day today, and wouldn’t have time to see him because he was also quite busy. But he stopped by anyway.

My housemate let him in, and he crept over to the bed where I was asleep. I had woken up when he knocked on the door, but then just as quickly fell asleep, but I woke again when I heard my bedroom door creek. I had just assumed it was one of my housemates putting something in my room… so I felt quite startled when I felt G lay down next to me and start whispering in my ear.

You know that moment when you’re really sleepy and somebody quietly wakes you up, and you have these whisper-conversations amongst you yawning and stretching and being half-asleep?? Well it was like that for a bit, but it felt really nice. It was a wonderful surprise to be asleep on my birthday and have my boyfriend show up unexpectedly. He was stroking my (wild and out of control) hair and whispered ‘Happy Birthday kid’ into my ear. I rolled over and kissed him hello…

…and then we ended up making out for an hour.

When we finally were able to catch our breaths, I explained how wonderful it was that he came to visit, and he said that he couldn’t let my birthday go past without actually seeing me.

He handed me a small gift. I can’t actually recall what that gift was. He’d been asking me for a week or so prior what I wanted to get for my birthday. I was humble enough to say I didn’t want him to get me anything, but when he kept pressing the issue, I gave him a couple of different ideas, in different price points. I didn’t really know where we stood on the relationship / present scale, so I gave him some options to try and gauge where he was at.

I just remember opening my gift and feeling quite disappointed in what he had gotten me. I didn’t dare show this expression, instead telling him how perfect it was and how it’ll always make me think of him. In my head, however, I was screaming in anger at how stupid he was for not getting me anything that I ACTUALLY wanted. What’s the point in asking me, and then me giving you a variety of possibilities, if you’re not actually going to use it?

So after all that, he says that he want’s to talk to me about something. I was thinking that he was going to tell me that my real present was actually a romantic weekend away together. Or maybe he was going to tell me that he was actually going to come to a gay club tonight (for the very first time) and get over his anxiety about it so he could celebrate my birthday with me. Or maybe he was going to invite me over to his place for a change and cook me dinner or some kind of wonderful, romantic gesture.

That wasn’t however what came out of his mouth.

‘I’m sorry, but I can’t do this right now. I don’t think we should see each other anymore.’

I couldn’t believe what had just come out of his mouth. I actually thought he was joking.

He wasn’t joking.

He then sat there and explained to me that he was feeling a bit confused, and was feeling a bit pressured into something that he wasn’t ready for. That something was called ‘a relationship’. He wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with me.

My heart jumped into my throat, and suddenly everything around me froze in time. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t understand. Only 2.5 weeks prior we had been truly intimate for the very first time. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, but I lost my virginity to this guy. I thought that he was the one… but in saying that, I was just shy of being twenty. I also thought my tight cotton-lycra dance pants were the most awesome thing ever.

So then all of a sudden, ten thousand questions start flooding my brain, and I stopped hearing the words coming out of his mouth. It was like all the sound disappeared, because all I could hear was my inner voice going mental with a constant stream of questions and self doubt.

Oh my god, what’s happening? How could he say that? What’s wrong with me? I knew it was too good to be true! Maybe this was the plan? I bet the girls (my housemates) put him up to this on purpose, just to do this and hurt me on my birthday. I though things were going well! I thought he liked me. Why doesn’t he like me? I waited so long before we had sex, and I explained that and he said he was cool with it! Maybe he wasn’t okay with it. Maybe he was just too frustrated. But I’ve been sleeping with him. And the sex is phenomenal. Maybe he doesn’t like it? Fuck, has he been lying to me? Oh my god, I can’t believe that he’s been lying to me this whole time. How could I have been so stupid?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!??

So then my inner dialogue exploded into outer dialogue and all these questions were being thrown at G like a constant barrage of ninja stars.

He said that he really likes me. He agreed that he’d never felt like this with anybody – never felt such an indescribable connection with another guy, but I knew that was just some bullshit line people give each other when they don’t want to speak the truth. He said that he’s cried more with me, than he has in the last few years, because he feels that comfortable with him. He told me that he was just too scared to be in a relationship because he’s too scared to give himself over completely. The thought of it terrified him.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

So I began to question him and everything he said. He was stating the facts and how it made him feel, and I wanted to believe him, but nobody does a complete 180 like that without a good enough reason.

Question after question and question.

Then he said it. The REAL reason behind all his bullshit.

He. Still. Had.  A. Boyfriend.

Yep. A FUCKING BOYFRIEND!! I couldn’t believe it. How could I have been so STUPID!! But then it made sense… of course it was all too good to be true. As if anybody that hot would ever remotely be interested in me, let alone give me the time of day. I had felt that it was too good to be true, and now I knew for certain.

I grabbed the present and threw it at him, and told him to get the fuck out of my house.

He countered by crying.

‘No. No, no, no, no, no. Sorry. You don’t get to stand there and cry, when you’re the one breaking up with me, on my BIRTHDAY… BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FUCKING BOYFRIEND!! You don’t get to be upset. You just get to be a fucking arsehole. Get the fuck out of my house. I’m done with you. Just delete my number. I want nothing to do with you.’

He continued his weird man-crying and fell against a wall asking me if I was okay.

No, I was just in a pure rage.

How the fuck could you do this? Of all the days, you had to pick my birthday. Seriously.. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!?!?

I stood there trying so hard not to cry, but it didn’t last. The sadness was quickly replaced with sheer rage, and I went crazy at him. How dare you stand there and tell me you’re not ready for a relationship…. oh that’s right, BECAUSE YOU’RE ALREADY IN ONE… oh, what’s this, OH, BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN WITH THIS GUY FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS ALREADY… I’m not asking you to leave you boyfriend, I just wish I had’ve known about it before I fell in love with you and wanted you to be my knight in shining armour; my prince charming.

I finally kicked him out and watched him go sit in his car and cry into his steering wheel before returning inside and looking for my phone. I couldn’t believe what just happened. I needed to talk it through with somebody, so I went to call D.

I picked up my phone and saw a stack of missed calls and messages, and started going through them one-by-one. Each one of them was one of my so-called ‘friends’ telling me they suddenly weren’t coming tonight to celebrate my birthday because they conveniently had something else on, or they had suddenly come down with some kind of illness.

What better way to fill that giant hole in my chest that G just cut out with a giant rusty knife, than with some super excruciating bullshit which burnt like lemon juice.

I then got a call from two of my friends who were already on their way in from Geelong. They were about 20mins away from my place, and told me to get my arse into gear. I quickly showered and got myself dressed, and then started received a stream of text messages from G. He’d obviously realised how much of a cunt he had just been to dump me on my birthday, and tell me he’s not able to be in a relationship, because he’s already in one. Perhaps the worst possible timing ever!!

The boys turned up, and I ended up asking them to come inside and we started talking. I ended up confessing to them that I’d been seeing G. See, I hadn’t told anybody about G. It was a secret for me. A couple of my friends thought that I might be seeing somebody, because I was never around to hang out with them, but I never admitted anything to anybody… except now.

So, almost three hours later, it was approaching midnight, and we were well and truly fashionably late, so we picked ourselves off and headed off to the club. The cherry on top was having more people cancel on me and then the boys leaving after only an hour and a half. I distinctly recall it being 2am, and I was all by myself. I was sitting on a couch upstairs at this club replaying the entire day back in my head, piece by piece, and realising how much of an epic clusterfuck the entire day was. I was more surprised that I wasn’t at home in bed having some kind of emotional breakdown.

Instead, I just needed to dance. And I did. And boy did I dance. I decided that for the rest of the night, I wasn’t going to allow myself to have any more inhibitions, and I just let loose. I remember catching a tram home around 6:30 – 7am as the sun was rising, and feeling as though I had just had the best night out ever. And it was all on my own.

However, all night I was still getting messages from G. I told him to fuck off and stop messaging me with his messages of self-regret. He made a choice, he has to live with it. It doesn’t mean he gets to message me constantly and still try to make me feel better by telling me how much he loves being with me. Sorry, I’m not having that shit.

UGH. I can’t believe that I lost my virginity to somebody who turned out to be such a cunt.

I felt so stupid for falling for him so quickly. I can’t believe that I had been such a dickhead. How could I have been so gullible. I always thought I was so smart with this kind of stuff, and yet I turned out to be so dumb.

I don’t think I was ever the same after that. It really changed me and my outlook on relationships. After that, I never wanted to be in a relationship. I wanted to only ever have casual flings with guys, because I never wanted to allow myself to get that close to anybody ever again. If I don’t allow myself to get close, then I won’t end up getting hurt if things don’t work out.

Turns out it just fucked with my head more than I had anticipated, and was the beginning of perhaps one of the most destructive relationships I’ve ever had. More of my fucked-up relationship with G can be found here. There are so many of these kind of scenarios that I had with G, I knew that it was wrong from the beginning, but I just couldn’t bear to completely cut him out of my life. It became such an on-again, off-again type of relationship that actually did far more harm and far more damage than good.

I’ll never be the same after that relationship, and not in a good sense.

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/daily-prompt-tainted-love/