Daily Prompt – Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Do you find it easy to make new friends? Tell us how you’ve mastered the art of befriending a new person.

If we’re talking about people who share similar interests, personality and sense of humour, then yes it’s naturally easier to make friends with those people. Everybody else, however, is a completely different, awkward and uncomfortable story.

Being somebody who, over the years, has become increasingly awkward at the art of conversation, I really struggle in social situations, to the point where it’s almost becomes just too overwhelming and I need to leave, and therefore avoid any future situations like the plague.

I can’t do it. I just cannot do it. I really struggle to have a conversation with somebody I’ve just met because there’s always that awkwardness between the two of you as you navigate through the conversation trying to find some kind of common middle ground on something you can both relate to. My problem with that is that even with people I already know or have shared interests with, I still struggle to engage in conversation with them.

Many people have told me that they see me as the complete opposite – suggesting that they see me as being quite bubbly; forward; engaging; interacting etc but I think that is the result of my work. I have to be like that, but in saying that, when I do interact with people in that capacity it is actually coming from a genuine place; an authentic place, rather than simply being fake and talking to people because I’m obligated to. I can’t do that; I can’t be that person.

Sometimes I feel like a bit of a contradiction: on one hand you have this person who is entertaining and engaging in the workplace, and on the other hand, that same person is also incredibly shy, reserved and awkward around other people – but I guess that’s only applicable in social settings surrounded by strangers.

Ugh, I’m just a mess.

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Jan 2: Pressure = Obligation

What are you currently feeling pressure to do that you don’t particularly enjoy?

Well, I’m currently on holidays, so I’m not actually feeling much pressure to do anything. I really want to get my lazy arse up to date with all my blog posts – and I must say, yesterday I managed to smash out a whopping 16 blog posts one after the other… That was something that I felt a lot of pressure to achieve, and I really wanted to have it all done before New Years, but I just didn’t get a chance to do so.

But now that I’m home alone (Hulk is back @ work), it’s now 12:10pm, I’m still in my PJ’s on the couch with my laptop, listening to some music by Medina (Check her out on iTunes, she’s got a few really catchy tracks!)

One thing I’m feeling pressure to do is to be more social. It started with New Years Eve. I had no intentions of going out whatsoever because I couldn’t stand the thought of being squished into a nightclub, sweating my hole out, surrounded by stinky drunk disgusting gays and the aroma of smoke, alcohol and b.o. NO THANK YOU.

However, Hulk had made the decision that we were going out much to my dislike. The reality was that it wasn’t as packed as I had anticipated, which was good, and we were out with some great people, which made the night much more bearable. So I ended up enjoying myself…

My problem is that, generally I just don’t like people that much. There’s only a select few of people that I know that I could quite happily spend hours with, without wanting to slowly bleach my retinas, or gouge my eyes out with a piece of rusty tin.

But that’s just a constant in my life. I dislike people in general, which is kinda bad, because it just makes me want to interact with people less and less. I really should change that.

However, given that I’m now getting over the festive season, I do have one underlying pressure I’m placing on myself… to lose weight. Ugh.

Seeing as how for the last two weeks of the year, all I’d done is eat myself stupid… the pinnacle being Christmas Day / Boxing Day, as well as far too much chocolate, I have now got a healthy bouncy little food baby… and I’d like to get rid of it.

However, in order to do so, it means I have to do excercise… but the type of exercise that I absolutely loathe… weights. And I don’t lift weights. I can’t think of anything more boring… and I feel so incredibly self conscious about doing weights in a gym, so the whole thing becomes a complete nightmare.

See… this is what I basically anticipate happening. I know that it won’t because I physically wouldn’t be able to lift anything more than my 5kg baby weights… but it’s the only image I get in my head. That, and the constant intimidation of being surrounded by all these fit muscly guys all watching me and judging me. Fuck that. It stresses me out too much… and how do I deal with stress?? Eat. And what do I have a table full of, waiting to be eaten? Chocolates. And thus, the vicious cycle begins.

I recently stepped out of my comfort zone to try a fitness class I’ve never done before, and it nearly bloody killed me… and I was sore for days afterwards. If anything, I might do that again… start off with something achievable…

 

Daily Prompt: FAQ

Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the mailman — and write a post based on their responses.

aawwwwww, come ooonnnnnnnn!! I have to actually interview somebody.

…does it have to be a real person?

what if I just create a fictitious character and interview them so I don’t have to actually have any human interaction?

 

…I’ll get back to you on this one.

**UPDATE**

So, it took a little while, but I actually interviewed somebody! Well, to be honest, I didn’t take time, they took their time – you know who you are hehehe. But anyhoo, here ’tis…

1. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone?
About 6 years ago to a former friend. We were fast friends who spent every weekend working and partying together for a couple of years until we had a falling out of epic proportions. We continued to work together for a few months after that while barely saying a word to each other. Pretty awkward. When I found out she had quit, I wrote her a letter and gave it to her on her last day. I guess there were a lot of things I didn’t feel like I got a chance to express and even if she never bothered to read it, just writing it all down, putting words to feelings of hurt and disappointment served as a form of closure in itself.

2. What did you want to be when you grew up?
In High School, my favourite subject was English. I loved any form of creative writing and I’m one of those snooty grammar and spelling Nazi’s. I briefly toyed with the idea of either being a journalist or lawyer but I talked myself out of both because I thought a) I didn’t have an original enough of a voice to write for a living and b) I wasn’t argumentative enough.

3. High school. Loved it? Hated it?
I did fairly well academically (until it actually mattered) and I grew up with a fairly dysfunctional unit so I actually preferred being at school rather than being at home. I wasn’t the most popular girl – I wasn’t pretty or slutty enough I guess – but I had friends in all the different cliques. I guess you could say I was well liked. Overall, I didn’t mind my high school experience though love is probably too strong a word to use.

4. What’s the worst injury you’ve had?
I spent New Year’s Eve this year trying hopelessly to escape the excruciating pain coming from my neck and shoulders with painkillers and sleep… to no avail. I couldn’t move my neck for almost a week. I spent that whole time going in and out of consciousness on a recliner chair. Lying down on a bed caused searing pain to travel to the base of my skull and a lovely constant throbbing headache. Some days I would just cry out of helplessness and desperation. Happy New Year!!!

5. What’s been the biggest obstacle/challenge in regards to your sexuality?
Initially it was coming to grips with same sex attraction. I was always a tomboy growing up but I figured it was because I grew up hanging out with brothers and male cousins. Even though I was never the girliest girl, I was boy crazy from the ages of 12-28 so it probably came as a bigger shock to me than it did to other people when I started becoming interested in women. Four years, numerous crushes, a whole lot of experimentation and a couple of heartbreaks later, I think my biggest challenge now is in finding a way to express my sexuality in a manner that feels authentic to me. I’m not butch but I’d hardly consider myself femme either. In a world where we like to label things for neat categorisation, I feel a little out of place at times. I look and dress quite tomboy but I’ve also got a very soft and feminine temperament. I’m a nurturer at heart. Not being distinctly butch or distinctly femme makes it hard to meet lesbians sometimes but on the up side, straight girls looking to scratch their itch of curiosity seem to flock to me. Lol.

6. What are your views on same sex marriage? How do you feel about the religious debate against it? Do you think religion even has a place in the debate?
I grew up witnessing verbal and physical abuse and infidelity committed within the bounds of marriage between heterosexual couples. On the flipside, some of the most loving and devoted relationships I’ve ever witnessed have been between gay couples. Of course there are examples of both good and bad marriages regardless of the couples’ orientation but why should marriage be a right reserved only for heterosexuals? What makes gay people less deserving of marriage?

I was raised a Catholic and even though I’d consider myself more spiritual than religious, I respect and understand the human need to believe in an entity bigger than themselves. The need to believe that we’re not out here on our own. I also respect and understand those who choose to honour their chosen deity in whatever way their religion sees fit. These are all non issues for me. But when you start dictating to me how I should live my life and what basic human rights I’m entitled to based on what YOUR interpretation of what your religion states… we’re gonna have a problem. Honestly, I’m still not sold on the idea of being married to someone. But the bottom line still remains that I should at least have the right to do so if I chose to.

7. Have you ever experienced bullying?
When my family and I first migrated to Australia, we lived in a small country town in the Alpine region of Victoria. When we moved in, the only “non white” Australians in town were an Italian family. The kids must’ve been just a tiny bit relieved that they were no longer the only “ethnics” in town as the other kids shifted their racist remarks away from them and towards us. For the most part, I found the verbal bullying stupid. Being called “Brownie” wasn’t insulting to me. I was brown yes, but that’s the only colour I’d ever been and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why that was said with such disdain. They also quite frequently told me to “get back on your boat”.

It wasn’t till years later when I learned about the Vietnam war and the influx of Vietnamese boat people to Australia that I understood that this was also supposed to be insulting. Ignorant inbred fucksticks. We came over here on a fucking plane. You’ve probably never even left this backwater town your whole pathetic life and you probably never will. It all came to a head when my friends and I were playing and Nigel (my frequent tormentor) came over to ruin our game and just generally be a nuisance. I guess I’d finally had enough of his shit that day so I spoke up and told him to leave us alone. He responded by punching me in the face. When lunch was over and I went back to class with a big black eye, my teacher went to town on Nigel. I assume she had a talk to his parents too coz he wasn’t allowed to play after school for a while after that and he pretty much left me alone for the rest of my time at that school.

8. On a scale of one to Lindsay Lohan, how would you rate your typical night out?
To my credit, I’ve never been arrested or admitted to rehab… but I might not be that far off. This weekend that just went past, I got to a party almost 4 hours after it started. Despite being so far behind on drinks, I managed to catch up to my friends very quickly… by drinking about half a dozen shots back to back followed shortly thereafter with even more shots and finally by swigging straight out of 2 bottles simultaneously while dancing. I can multitask AND I’m classy. I know. Contain yourself. Needless to say, there are huge chunks of the night that I don’t remember… at all. Such as the following:

– falling backwards as I sat down on the floor and hitting my head on the table. When friends asked if I was concussed, I suggested that all the girls in the room should pull their boobs out so I could prove that I could count in multiples of two and was therefore ok.
– waking up in the early hours of the morning, attempting to walk to the toilet and accidentally stepping on a friend’s head as she lay sleeping on the floor.
– mistaking the nearby stool as the toilet, I allegedly pulled my pants AND underwear down to my ankles to my friends’ horror. At some point I apparently realised my mistake, said “oops”, pulled my pants up and walked into the bathroom.
– telling a friend’s boyfriend (awesome guy but not at all my type – not even when I was straight) that I would turn straight for him.

So… where would that place me on the scale??

9. When was the last time you cried?
February 22, 2013. It hurt like a bitch to realise that the first girl I was ever attracted to, the first girl I ever had feelings for, the girl I would and did do anything for, wanted nothing more than for me to stroke her ego. Once the rose colored glasses came off and I realised that I’d spent the best part of the last 4 years (on and off) pining over an idealised figment of my imagination, I went through the obligatory and oh so cliched spiral, but now I’m actually thankful for having been through that. I’ve never felt more “me” and more importantly… more OK with BEING “me” than I do right now.

10. What was the last book you read?
For pleasure? No idea. Too long ago. But the last book I read was Becoming A Supple Leopard by Kelly Starrett. It sounds slightly pornographic but it’s all about mobility. It was for work. I know. I’m a nerd.

11. What song is paused/currently playing on your iPhone?
Justin Timberlake – TKO

12. If you could eat one food/meal all day for one day without consequences, what would it be?
Anything covered in chocolate.

13. What’s the one thing most people don’t know about you?
That I wish I was as confident in my personal life as I am in my professional life. Meeting new people in a social setting can be quite terrifying for me at times.

14. If Timmy has 7 apples and Jane has 5 apples, how many oranges do they need to cross the river?
How the fuck should I know?

15. What’s one question you really thought I’d ask but didn’t?
What event/s led toward your sexual identity crisis?

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