Mar 17: Trust

Who do you trust more: yourself or others?

 

I ONLY trust myself. History has ALWAYS reminded me that the only person I can rely on is myself. Other people will inevitably let you down, moreso when you really need them and their support / assistance etc.

I don’t really trust most people, and in order for me to trust somebody, I need to know that whatever I’m doing, or telling them, will remain strictly between us and that they won’t go and talk about it to other people behind my back.

That is one of the worst things that I have experienced in my life – people betraying my trust, or me experiencing them betray somebody else’s trust. Unfortunately there are people in this world who seem to be hell-bent on bringing others down in some attempt to make themselves appear to be a better person. The only thing worse than that, are the people that support and encourage them to do so.

I cannot stand people who are two faced.

There was recently a conversation that I had with a friend of mine. This person I had always thought was quite trusting, however, after realising that this person was quite close and open with somebody that I dislike, I realised that it wouldn’t take much for this ‘friend’ of mine to tell this person whatever I’d said.

That was the point when I realised that they might be of the mindset keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. The more I thought into it, the more I realised that almost every conversation we had, this other person was brought up in some way, almost as a test in order to see what I would have to say about them, so they could then later on run back and relay everything I said, whilst also probably twisting it to make it sound worse… which is what this person happens to do.

So we were having a conversation, and out of the blue, this person blurts out something that somebody else had said about two other people we all know. Now, this was quite personal and sensitive information that really should strictly remain as a private matter between the two of them. This information is not anybody elses business, but this particular person found out about it, and then went around their social circle telling everybody about it… ‘So, you’ll never guess what I heard about — and –!! If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anybody else…!!’

The problem was, that although this person was spreading this gossip as a means for them to somehow seem to be ‘cooler’, they were asking everybody else keep it secret, but at the same time, telling anybody (and everybody) who’d listen.

By the time I’d found out from my friend, I’d already heard about it from a couple of different people, and simply brushed it off because IT’S NOT MY BUSINESS!! IT DOESN’T CONCERN ME!! So when I found out that this ‘friend’ was quite happily telling other people, I simply reiterated that I a) don’t buy into third / fourth / fifth hand gossip; b) it’s got nothing to do with me, so I don’t want to know and c) how would they feel if somebody was talking about them in this sense behind their back and airing their dirty laundry?? They wouldn’t like it, so why are they partaking in the exact same activity.

This came almost as a revelation, and made them stop and actually think about what they were saying. At that precise moment, I lost my trust for them, and made a promise to myself (and Hulk) that I would never reveal anything personal to them that would bother me if other people found out.

This is why I’m so good at keeping other people’s secrets, and why I’m so closed off from other people. It’s also why my hair’s so big… it’s full of secrets!! *LOL*

 

Jan 23: Temper Under Control

Do you think it’s possible to control your temper when facing enormous pressure?

This is something that I regularly struggle with. I find that I do go through periods where I am under a lot of pressure, whether it’s work related or pressure I put on myself for whatever reason, and I find that when I am feeling stressed out like that, then I more than often just want to be left alone.

It usually gets to a point where I will snap at anybody for even talking to me, because I’m so heavily focused on what I’m doing at that time. The worst part is when I do actually reach that point, and somebody does cross the line (you know, that line that I only I know exists, and they don’t, essentially meaning their stepping into a lions den without realising it… yeah, that line) I shoot my mouth off… and I shoot to kill.

I cannot deny that I have quite a potty mouth on me, some people find it quite entertaining, some don’t, but when I shoot my mouth off when I am angry… it’s like going down swinging. I will use my words to completely tear somebody apart, and most of the time, I just say it to be a nasty malicious bitch. When I find myself at that point where I can’t even think clearly because I’m so full of rage, my mind shuts off, and my mouth takes over. This is usually why most of the time, when I’m involved in some kind of argument or disagreement, I can’t really remember anything that I say.

I know I say things that are nasty. I know that I say things that are hurtful. I usually just do so as a warning to others… it’s sort of like my way of saying ‘don’t think about even LOOKING at me’, but the thing with that is that when I shoot my mouth off in one of those moments, I really don’t necessarily mean anything that actually comes out of my mouth (because, like I said, I usually just say shit in the heat of the moment), but although I don’t think anything of it, others end up getting quite upset or offended.

That tends to make these situations worse, because I think that they’re being too sensitive, and that makes me look like even more of a bitch.

*sigh*

Evidently, I have a problem.

Daily Prompt: Wicked Witch

Write about evil: how you understand it (or don’t), what you think it means, or a way it’s manifested, either in the world at large or in your life.

Upon first reading this, I thought there was a number of different avenues that I could go down in response to this, but then I thought, let’s define evil first…

evil  

e·vil  [ee-vuhl]

adjective

1. morally wrong or bad; immoral; wicked: evil deeds; an evil life.

2. harmful; injurious: evil laws.

3. characterized or accompanied by misfortune or suffering; unfortunate; disastrous: to be fallen on evil days.

4. due to actual or imputed bad conduct or character: an evil reputation.

 noun

6. that which is evil; evil quality, intention, or conduct: to choose the lesser of two evils.

7. the force in nature that governs and gives rise to wickedness and sin.

8. the wicked or immoral part of someone or something: The evil in his nature has destroyed the good.

9. harm; mischief; misfortune: to wish one evil.

10. anything causing injury or harm: Tobacco is considered by some to be an evil.

 adverb

13.in an evil manner; badly; ill: It went evil with him.

 Idioms

14. the evil one, the devil; Satan.

 Synonyms

1. sinful, iniquitous, depraved, vicious, corrupt, base, vile, nefarious. See bad1 .

2. pernicious, destructive.

6. wickedness, depravity, iniquity, unrighteousness, corruption, baseness.

9. disaster, calamity, woe, misery, suffering, sorrow.

 Antonyms

1. righteous.

<source: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/evil>

 

How many of you reading that feel as though you know of somebody, or have encountered somebody, that fits one (or more) of the above definitions? You might not necessarily relate to them as evil, instead preferring words such a bitch, moll, cunt, prick etc, instead.

Or perhaps they are more of a frenemy? 

Personally, I know of a couple of frenemies. These are the people who are nice as pie to your face, but as soon as you turn away, they would stab you in the back just as quickly. Nasty and malicious. The people who would go out of their way to divulge personal information about me, or even Hulk, in a negative light, in order to gain their trust / friendship.

Recruitment via character take-down.

Most of the time, I find it quite selfish and juvenile. Previously, it would get me quite upset, although I wouldn’t show it. I’d just whinge to Hulk about it. I would ask myself why people don’t like me? What have I done? What is it that has upset this person that much that they now feel the need to turn other people against me? Why do I feel as though I’m the only person who can see they are two-faced and manipulative? When I find myself asking those questions repeatedly, it’s a sign that I no longer need to associate with them. The less I have to do with them, the better.

But then there’s the people that they have already recruited? Great. MORE frenemies to deal with. Just what I need. 

And before you start getting all judgey on me, and start suggesting that I bring it on myself, okay, yes, I can admit that at times, I’ve had my moments where I stoop down to their level and do the exact same thing, so I’ll admit that I can be just as bad. What do you exepct? I’m a scorpio, it’s in my nature. I’m the person that you don’t want to cross. The one you don’t want to piss off. The one who will hold a grudge for a long time. The one who may forgive, but will never forget if you wrong me. The one who WILL go out of their way to take you down by revealing who you really are.

HOWEVER, on the flip side of that, I will also be your best friend. Your confidant. The one who will always be there to listen and talk to and give advice. The one who would go and visit you and see if you’re okay, rather than just say something on Facebook. I’m the one that you trust with your secrets and shame.

So I guess, even I would have to admit, that I have a tendency to be a little evil. Granted, it’s been a very long time since I last did a take-down of my own because somebody pissed me off, but I know that I have the tendency to be extremely cold and ruthless.

…just ask my ex.

Perhaps it’s not my frenemies who I should consider evil. Perhaps it’s me instead.

 

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/daily-prompt-evil/