Daily Prompt – Happy Happy Joy Joy

We cry for lots of reasons: sadness, pain, fear . . . and happiness. When was the last time you shed tears of joy?

What is this sorcery you speak of? Tears of… joy? What the fuck is that? As in, being so overwhelmed with happiness that you cannot control yourself, and all the squishiness comes out of your eyes??

Nope… never heard of such a ridiculous thing.

Daily Prompt – Another Trio

Write about any topic you wish, but make sure your post features a bookcase, something cracked, and a song you love.

Casey put down the box in the hallway, straddling the top of it to push the two flaps on top together, and then using the heavy-duty packing tape, taped the top of the box shut. She carefully sat there on top of the box, let out a giant sigh as she looked around her, observing all the other piles of belongings that still needed to be packed.

Mar 21: Selfish or Selfless?

Do you do more for yourself or for others?

 
I would say that I have an equal balance of both. Yes I do a lot of things for myself – I certainly buy myself a lot of stuff, but I’m also always willing to help out others if and when they need me.

It’s something that I’ve been aware of for many, many years. And it’s certainly changed significantly over those years.

When I was younger, I was constantly putting myself second, and everybody else was first. I was an incredibly selfless individual. I was always off doing something for somebody else, and completely disregarding whatever I had to do for myself – usually resulting in something not getting done, or getting it done quite late.

I often referred to it as ‘Country-boy Syndrome’. I would put everybody elses needs before mine, because that’s how I grew up as a kid in the country. Back then, being selfish was unheard of, and you always go out of your way to help other people – that’s one of the qualities that makes a decent human being.

When I moved to Melbourne, I brought this philosophy with me. Being the naive country kid, most of the time I didn’t realise that others were taking advantage of my good, generous nature. And then as time passed, I began to cotton on to what was happening around me. Yes it was disappointing, because people were always asking for my help, but on the very rare occasions where I would ask them for their help, they were all conveniently busy – even when I asked them weeks in advance.

The final straw was when I was in my early twenties. I’d spent the last couple of years being messed around by various housemates; I’d spent so much time being messed around by my ‘ex’ (G), and something inside of me snapped. I’d had enough, and things were going to change.

It was time to start putting ME first for a change, and when I did, everybody took note. I learnt how to say no to people. I learnt how to actually do things that I wanted to do for a change. I was also working full-time and earning my own money, so I was able to buy things for myself, which I’d never really been able to do before – financial independence!!

Since then, I’ve grown and matured, and seen people for who and what they really are. Unfortunately, as a result, I have a less-than-positive view on society in general. People label me as being negative, or a pessimist, and make it sound like a really bad thing, but I prefer to call it being a realist. I always started out with a view of life being sunshine, puppies and rainbows, but then over time I realised that it was all bullshit, and I was completely oblivious to what was really going on. Now that I am, my views have changed. I see people for what they really are. I’m not saying that everybody is like that, but generally speaking, people in society are extremely selfish, and will do whatever it takes to get something that they want. People are ruthless. People are not afraid to throw you under the bus if it will allow them to achieve something.

Yes, there are still people who see the world as sunshine, puppies and rainbows, and, well, good for them. They choose to see the ‘good’ in everything, however, I just see it as being ignorant. That’s not how society is. That’s not how people operate.

Daily Prompt: All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Tell us about a time when everything actually turned out exactly as you’d hoped.

Most of the time I live in my head. By saying that, I mean that I will always envisage something happening a certain way; a specific chain of events, but the reality is never anything like the way I see it or anticipate it actually happening.

Time after time after time I’d plan for something to go one way, and then when it would not turn out at all how I had anticipated, I would find myself feeling so upset. The more it happened, the more I stopped trying to make plans and predictions.

On the flip side, there are those rare occasions where I can plan for something to happen, and it actually ends up turning out even better than I had planned which is awesome.

…note, emphasis on the rare part.

Given previous experience, it’s actually hard for me to write about a situation that actually went to plan… experiencing so much disappointment during my life, I can’t recall many moments where things actually went my way for a change.

Perhaps this is part of the reason why I’ve become so jaded?

I think that one of the key moments in my life where, for once, things actually went my way was when I decided to move to Melbourne.

I had a waste year after finishing year 12. I was enrolled in an I.T. course, which I just couldn’t really be bothered with. It was nothing like what I had been told it would be, and it was more like Computers 101 for Monkeys… and even then, I think the monkeys would have made better progress compared to the other people in the course. I completed about 3 months worth of work in the first week, but I couldn’t advance myself like that because it was ‘unfair’ to the rest of the class.

So I spent that year bored out of my mind, and in the end, it just fell by the wayside because I decided to spend more of my time focusing on my dancing.

Towards the end of the that year, I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t stay in this hick town any longer. There was nothing here for me. I couldn’t see myself achieving anything if I stayed. I just couldn’t do it. I decided that if I wanted to do anything with my life, I needed to leave. I needed to move to a capital city and do something.

All I wanted to do was dance, and the only way I’d be able to pursue that sort of career was to move interstate and attend a full-time dance school… the only way you can attend a school like that is to audition, so I bit the bullet and forced myself to travel interstate to audition for a few different schools. This is something that I’ve already blogged about…

I ended up auditioning for 4 different dance schools and looked at 3 different universities, and one by one I kept getting rejected, and in true fashion, every rejection just cut away another small piece of my soul and it just made me feel more and more useless.

One day I got a letter from a school in Melbourne offering me a spot, and I actually thought it was a joke… I even called the school to double check with them if they were serious or not.

I was so shocked, I didn’t really know how to react. I was excited and terrified all at once. I broke the news to my mum and she was so happy for me. She knew how I’d been feeling and had always supported my dancing pursuits.

The last couple of months went by in a bit of a blur. I remember the day I left, I caught the train to Melbourne, and I’d spent the morning with my best friend. Actually, I’d pretty much spent every day with my best friend. We were inseparable. She was the one person (apart from mum) that I was going to miss the most.

The day I was leaving, she came over to my place for breakfast, then we went back to her place and she gave me a small present. I opened it and just cried. She just got me. She was my soul mate, and I was hers. We packed up my bags into her car and she drove me down to the train station… and then sure enough, some of my friends turned up at the station to say goodbye. They brought me a giant card and gift, and told me to open it on the train.

We said our good-byes and they were all crying.

…I cried all the way to Melbourne… which is a 6.5hr journey.

My cousin met me at the station and took me back to her place – I was going to be staying with them for a couple of months. It just didn’t seem real. It felt as though it was some kind of dream.

The very first day of school was so intimidating and terrifying and I quickly realised that I was so far down the ladder in terms of experience and technique, however, I quickly ascertained that I was able to hold my own amongst all these bitches.

I knew that this new venture was going to be tough. I knew it was going to be exhausting. I knew that at some point I was going to hate it… and I was right, but regardless of the fact, I still loved it. This was what I was meant to be doing the previous year, but I was simply too uncertain and shy. Within the first two months I was put into the more advanced course, and I was the one who was regularly becoming a class captain, or a rehearsal leader, or supervising the juniors… and I loved it!!

 

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