Mar 21: Selfish or Selfless?

Do you do more for yourself or for others?

 
I would say that I have an equal balance of both. Yes I do a lot of things for myself – I certainly buy myself a lot of stuff, but I’m also always willing to help out others if and when they need me.

It’s something that I’ve been aware of for many, many years. And it’s certainly changed significantly over those years.

When I was younger, I was constantly putting myself second, and everybody else was first. I was an incredibly selfless individual. I was always off doing something for somebody else, and completely disregarding whatever I had to do for myself – usually resulting in something not getting done, or getting it done quite late.

I often referred to it as ‘Country-boy Syndrome’. I would put everybody elses needs before mine, because that’s how I grew up as a kid in the country. Back then, being selfish was unheard of, and you always go out of your way to help other people – that’s one of the qualities that makes a decent human being.

When I moved to Melbourne, I brought this philosophy with me. Being the naive country kid, most of the time I didn’t realise that others were taking advantage of my good, generous nature. And then as time passed, I began to cotton on to what was happening around me. Yes it was disappointing, because people were always asking for my help, but on the very rare occasions where I would ask them for their help, they were all conveniently busy – even when I asked them weeks in advance.

The final straw was when I was in my early twenties. I’d spent the last couple of years being messed around by various housemates; I’d spent so much time being messed around by my ‘ex’ (G), and something inside of me snapped. I’d had enough, and things were going to change.

It was time to start putting ME first for a change, and when I did, everybody took note. I learnt how to say no to people. I learnt how to actually do things that I wanted to do for a change. I was also working full-time and earning my own money, so I was able to buy things for myself, which I’d never really been able to do before – financial independence!!

Since then, I’ve grown and matured, and seen people for who and what they really are. Unfortunately, as a result, I have a less-than-positive view on society in general. People label me as being negative, or a pessimist, and make it sound like a really bad thing, but I prefer to call it being a realist. I always started out with a view of life being sunshine, puppies and rainbows, but then over time I realised that it was all bullshit, and I was completely oblivious to what was really going on. Now that I am, my views have changed. I see people for what they really are. I’m not saying that everybody is like that, but generally speaking, people in society are extremely selfish, and will do whatever it takes to get something that they want. People are ruthless. People are not afraid to throw you under the bus if it will allow them to achieve something.

Yes, there are still people who see the world as sunshine, puppies and rainbows, and, well, good for them. They choose to see the ‘good’ in everything, however, I just see it as being ignorant. That’s not how society is. That’s not how people operate.

Feb 24: Optimist or Pessimist

Do you think you are more of an optimist or a pessimist?

Pessimist. Well, now I prefer the term ‘realist’ instead… just because pessimist has such a negative association. Some people can be quite dismissive of anybody who identifies as a pessimist, as it can be quite draining to be around somebody who is always so negative.

But hey, that kinda seems a bit contradictive coming from somebody like YOU!!

Admittedly, yes. I do have a reputation for being negative. But at the same time I also have a reputation for being funny, sarcastic, entertaining, and for being a downright bitch. But over the last 12 months or so, I’ve examined my behaviours, and compared them to people who are truly negative 24/7 and I’m nothing like that. I’m practically a ray of sunshine compared to those people… but then again, people seem to have different views of what being negative really is.

For some people, simply questioning them or their decisions is viewed as being negative, and from that point, that’s the only way they will view you. Others however consider negativity being somebody who is all doom and gloom all the time – there is nothing good that will come from anything that they do. For me that’s somebody that I would consider being negative.

So when I admit that I’m a pessimist, and say that I’m a realist instead, i simply mean that I see things for what they are. The world isn’t all puppies and rainbows and sunshine – but that’s how some optimists view the world. And part of me admires that about those people. Those people who just see the positive in everything they experience in life. Recently I’ve made a friend who is like that. She sees the best in people and in situations, and she’s one of those people who has a light inside her that just shines everytime she opens her mouth to speak. It’s something that I truly admire about her, and something that actually makes me smile. I got to spend a weekend with her, and her positivity is just infectious… but in a good way! She’s one of those rare people that you cross paths with in life, who really makes an impact, and is somebody that you will remember for a very long time. I’m so glad to have met her.

So if you’re reading this, H, thankyou for being you.

Feb 20: Life-Changing Event

What life event most changed your perspective of the world?

I’m not even really sure if there was one specific event that changed my outlook of the world, as far as I can remember, I’ve always seen the world for the harsh reality that it actually is. I never grew up with the outlook of the world that everything is sunshine and puppies and rainbows (well, the rainbows came later in life….), but I think that it’s hard to even have that sort of view of the world, when all you see on the news is death and destruction. Yes, you can always choose to completely ignore mainstream media, because they rarely report on anything positive or uplifting, but isn’t that, in turn, just being ignorant?

I know that when I was a kid, I was pretty switched on, even if I didn’t necessarily understand things that were happening, I knew that things were happening.  I just didn’t know why.

In terms of my ‘outlook’ on the world, that ‘outlook’ per-se is more like an ever-growing disappointment in people, society and humanity. Undeniably, one of the pivotal points in this was the attacks of 9-11. How people could do something like that is something that I will probably never understand. It’s one of the most horrific moments in history. Even to this day, I remember exactly where I was. I was in a computer lab – I was supposed to be studying, but instead, I spent the entire day constantly streaming videos from multiple news sites, and constantly had tears rolling down my cheeks. It was simply unfathomable that something this would ever happen… but it did, and it completely changed the world.

I’d already lost faith in humanity before that point in time, but after that, I lost all respect for society. But the confusing part of it all, was that there were so many conflicting reports stating that it was a revenge attack for the US not withdrawing their troops; other reports were that it was simply an attack to instigate a war; and other reports were stating that it was all because of religion.

As somebody who believes in science and evolution, I completely disregard religion. I don’t claim to understand all religions, but I cannot stand people who use religion as an excuse to spew hatred, create pain and cause destruction upon others. However, ever since 9-11, all Muslims are now considered terrorists and potential dangers to society. It’s just really disheartening. I’ll openly admit to one sharing that same view, until I actually decided to form my own decisions and have my own thoughts on the matter, and it left me feeling torn and confused.

Since that point in time, my view on the world has just continued to decline. Even when I thought it simply wasn’t possible for humanity to disappoint me any further, it somehow manages to – to the point where sometimes it can almost become so overwhelming. You start to even question your own sanity and views of the world. Maybe it’s not society that’s so horrible, maybe, instead the problem is actually me? Maybe I’m the one thats got the problem? Maybe I’m just being far too sensitive about everything. Maybe people are just happy to sit back and accept all this horrible news, and that in-turn, makes me sad for society. People don’t seem to have any interest in things anymore, because nobody wants to actually get involved.

And thats perhaps the saddest part of it all.

Daily Prompt: BFFs

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from the person you’re the closest to?

I’ve learnt that I need to stop making decisions when I’m emotional, and that I need to stop and re-read things before I send them. I need to re-structure what I say before I say it because regardless of how it sounds in my head, more often than not it’s not going to sound the same when the other person reads it, if anything, it’s probably going to come across as being negative, or passive-aggressive even if that’s not the intention.

I think I’ve managed to box myself into some kind of particular persona that others view me as, when in actual fact, I’m not like that. Well, not all the time.

I’m the person that asks questions nobody else has considered yet. I’m the person who’s always thinking of plan B, C, D etc when others are purely focused on Plan A, and haven’t even thought that through properly. This is also something that Hulk does as well. He will question everything… the only difference is that he knows the right times to ask the questions, and how to do so in a nice way, whereas I do it, and I just make other people feel stupid and inadequate for not having all the answers to my questions.

It happens all the time, but I just don’t understand why they can’t think things through thoroughly in the first instance, and then give everybody else the whole story, not just bits and pieces.

Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I expect too much?

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/28/daily-prompt-friends/

Jan 20: Conformity

Do you still feel pressure of conform? If no, what age did it stop?

 

In certain aspects of my life, I still feel there is almost an obligation for me to conform – regardless of whether or not I want to for whatever reason. Certain situations in my life don’t allow me to question people and / or their actions which I find so unbelievably frustrating.

Even if it’s something that I don’t agree with, or don’t support, there is an expectation of me to be a team player, whereas I would be the one to point out all the faults and reasons not to support it.

But if I do that, then I’m not seen as a team player, instead, I’m viewed as being too negative. I view it as being logical.

Rather than work out the answers to issues as we go along, why not sit down and brainstorm all the possible variables for a situation, and then work out what the solutions for those variables will be. I’m the sort of person that asks the questions that others either don’t want to ask, or simply don’t consider. That’s how my brain works. You tell me you want to begin some kind of venture, and I’ll immediately think of at least a dozen different questions that I know you haven’t thought of, or can’t answer.

The bit that really drives me up the wall, is that I will at least voice my concerns with whoever is in charge, which is usually completely disregarded, then later down the track something will happen that they didn’t anticipate (and something that I voiced a concern over) and then everything becomes frantic whilst they scramble to find a solution.

Meanwhile, I completely walk away from the situation washing my hands of it because I tried to bring it to their attentions, and they ignored me. It’s just that it happens more than I would like it to – you’d think that by now, surely, they’d actually value my input and listen to what I have to say, because I’m sure they don’t find any pleasure in seeing me sitting there saying I TOLD YOU SO yet, they continue to let these situations happen.

 

My input means nothing, so I don’t get involved. But if I don’t get involved, I’m viewed as not being a team player.

I just can’t deal with these basic bitches.

The cherry on top of it all, is that these people are earning a fuckload more money than I am, and yet ignore what I have to say, even when I’m right.

So yes, as much as it frustrates me, and as much as it makes me start flipping’ tables in my mind, I really don’t have any choice but to just shut and be a team player – it’s my job, and that’s what I’m there getting paid to do, even though I might be surrounded by idiots.

As for the rest of my life, no, I’m such a non-conformist. I think I was the most when I was in high school because it’s all about trying to fit in and being part of a little group of friends, or a clique, but even then, it drove me crazy. I’m too independent to be conforming to what other people expect or demand – sometimes I go to the extreme of just being so incredibly stubborn simply to make a point or stand my ground, even if I’m completely aware that I really don’t need to be doing so.

*sigh* I’m starting to sound like a bit of a complicated individual. *lol*

Daily Prompt: Blogger of Repute

Do you have a reputation? What is it, and where did it come from? Is it accurate? What do you think about it?

which one??

Bitch. Lazy. Baker. Sleepy. Late. Talented. Dancer. Bitch. Self-indulgent. Ignorant. Loving. Hilarious. Bitch. Housewife. Sarcastic. Negative. Bitch.

Are you seeing a pattern here??

I think there are three primary reputations of equal share: Bitch. Sarcastic. Funny. I can’t really pick one over the other.

I’m not entirely sure at what point in my life I became so jaded. But I think it started when I was a kid. Maybe it really kicked in when my younger brother was born, and stole my thunder (just kidding!). I can remember being a nasty vindictive little shit when I was a little kid. I’m not entirely sure why, or what caused it – perhaps I was just always like that? Maybe it was predetermined from birth – I am a Scorpio, after all. Which supposedly says plenty.

Then, I guess life happened, and it was all downhill from there.

Now, I’m 31 and I’m still a nasty vindictive shit, but I also have managed to completely hate people in general. I just want to live in isolation.

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/17/daily-prompt-you/