Daily Prompt: Write Here, Write Now

Write a post entirely in the present tense.

Tired.

Oh sweet baby cheeses am I feeling tired.

My mum arrived in Melbourne yesterday and is staying with us for a couple of days before she heads off to stay with her sister for a few days, and we head off to Auckland for a few days.

It’s 41degrees today (105.8F) and mum arrived early this afternoon. Rather than go back to our place straight away and get the keys from Hulk, she instead chose to stay in the city and wait for my to finish work. Then the 2hrs that I ususally spend before class doing exactly this and catching up on writing my overdue blog posts! Instead, I had to spend time entertaining mum in this stinking heat. I just don’t understand why she didn’t just go back to our place and be in the cool air con.

I actually feel guilty for not really wanting to be stuck spending time with her. I know that I haven’t seen her for quite some time since she moved to Queensland, but it wasn’t exactly the best time for her to be here. I have a very set schedule, and I think that perhaps she was expecting me to cancel everything so that we could spend time together. It made things worse that we then didn’t actually get to have dinner until after 10:30pm.

Being hot, exhausted, rushed, and hangry (hungry + angry) is already a recipe for disaster. When you throw family obligation into the mix, it just makes it worse.

As much as I really wanted to, I would have loved to have been able to take those two days off work – hell, I would have been happy with just having one day off, but I couldn’t manage it, and in the end, the time that we got to actually spend together was very, very limited. And to keep digging the hole a little deeper, whenever mum is here, her and I always end up staying up late chatting away. I really do love being able to just kick back and talk about all kinds of things with mum, and completely lose track of time… it’s just so much hard to recover from it when it’s during the working week. *lol*

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/29/daily-prompt-now-2/

Jan 20: Conformity

Do you still feel pressure of conform? If no, what age did it stop?

 

In certain aspects of my life, I still feel there is almost an obligation for me to conform – regardless of whether or not I want to for whatever reason. Certain situations in my life don’t allow me to question people and / or their actions which I find so unbelievably frustrating.

Even if it’s something that I don’t agree with, or don’t support, there is an expectation of me to be a team player, whereas I would be the one to point out all the faults and reasons not to support it.

But if I do that, then I’m not seen as a team player, instead, I’m viewed as being too negative. I view it as being logical.

Rather than work out the answers to issues as we go along, why not sit down and brainstorm all the possible variables for a situation, and then work out what the solutions for those variables will be. I’m the sort of person that asks the questions that others either don’t want to ask, or simply don’t consider. That’s how my brain works. You tell me you want to begin some kind of venture, and I’ll immediately think of at least a dozen different questions that I know you haven’t thought of, or can’t answer.

The bit that really drives me up the wall, is that I will at least voice my concerns with whoever is in charge, which is usually completely disregarded, then later down the track something will happen that they didn’t anticipate (and something that I voiced a concern over) and then everything becomes frantic whilst they scramble to find a solution.

Meanwhile, I completely walk away from the situation washing my hands of it because I tried to bring it to their attentions, and they ignored me. It’s just that it happens more than I would like it to – you’d think that by now, surely, they’d actually value my input and listen to what I have to say, because I’m sure they don’t find any pleasure in seeing me sitting there saying I TOLD YOU SO… yet, they continue to let these situations happen.

 

My input means nothing, so I don’t get involved. But if I don’t get involved, I’m viewed as not being a team player.

I just can’t deal with these basic bitches.

The cherry on top of it all, is that these people are earning a fuckload more money than I am, and yet ignore what I have to say, even when I’m right.

So yes, as much as it frustrates me, and as much as it makes me start flipping’ tables in my mind, I really don’t have any choice but to just shut and be a team player – it’s my job, and that’s what I’m there getting paid to do, even though I might be surrounded by idiots.

As for the rest of my life, no, I’m such a non-conformist. I think I was the most when I was in high school because it’s all about trying to fit in and being part of a little group of friends, or a clique, but even then, it drove me crazy. I’m too independent to be conforming to what other people expect or demand – sometimes I go to the extreme of just being so incredibly stubborn simply to make a point or stand my ground, even if I’m completely aware that I really don’t need to be doing so.

*sigh* I’m starting to sound like a bit of a complicated individual. *lol*

Jan 2: Pressure = Obligation

What are you currently feeling pressure to do that you don’t particularly enjoy?

Well, I’m currently on holidays, so I’m not actually feeling much pressure to do anything. I really want to get my lazy arse up to date with all my blog posts – and I must say, yesterday I managed to smash out a whopping 16 blog posts one after the other… That was something that I felt a lot of pressure to achieve, and I really wanted to have it all done before New Years, but I just didn’t get a chance to do so.

But now that I’m home alone (Hulk is back @ work), it’s now 12:10pm, I’m still in my PJ’s on the couch with my laptop, listening to some music by Medina (Check her out on iTunes, she’s got a few really catchy tracks!)

One thing I’m feeling pressure to do is to be more social. It started with New Years Eve. I had no intentions of going out whatsoever because I couldn’t stand the thought of being squished into a nightclub, sweating my hole out, surrounded by stinky drunk disgusting gays and the aroma of smoke, alcohol and b.o. NO THANK YOU.

However, Hulk had made the decision that we were going out much to my dislike. The reality was that it wasn’t as packed as I had anticipated, which was good, and we were out with some great people, which made the night much more bearable. So I ended up enjoying myself…

My problem is that, generally I just don’t like people that much. There’s only a select few of people that I know that I could quite happily spend hours with, without wanting to slowly bleach my retinas, or gouge my eyes out with a piece of rusty tin.

But that’s just a constant in my life. I dislike people in general, which is kinda bad, because it just makes me want to interact with people less and less. I really should change that.

However, given that I’m now getting over the festive season, I do have one underlying pressure I’m placing on myself… to lose weight. Ugh.

Seeing as how for the last two weeks of the year, all I’d done is eat myself stupid… the pinnacle being Christmas Day / Boxing Day, as well as far too much chocolate, I have now got a healthy bouncy little food baby… and I’d like to get rid of it.

However, in order to do so, it means I have to do excercise… but the type of exercise that I absolutely loathe… weights. And I don’t lift weights. I can’t think of anything more boring… and I feel so incredibly self conscious about doing weights in a gym, so the whole thing becomes a complete nightmare.

See… this is what I basically anticipate happening. I know that it won’t because I physically wouldn’t be able to lift anything more than my 5kg baby weights… but it’s the only image I get in my head. That, and the constant intimidation of being surrounded by all these fit muscly guys all watching me and judging me. Fuck that. It stresses me out too much… and how do I deal with stress?? Eat. And what do I have a table full of, waiting to be eaten? Chocolates. And thus, the vicious cycle begins.

I recently stepped out of my comfort zone to try a fitness class I’ve never done before, and it nearly bloody killed me… and I was sore for days afterwards. If anything, I might do that again… start off with something achievable…