Daily Prompt – Verbal Ticks

Is there a word or a phrase you use (or overuse) all the time, and are seemingly unable to get rid of? If not, what’s the one that drives you crazy when others use it?

This is quite interesting, because somebody once pointed out one of my verbal ticks, and it made me stop and realise just, like, how, like, fucking stupid, I, like, sounded.
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Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation

If you could have a guarantee that one, specific person was reading your blog, who would you want that person to be? Why? What do you want to say to them?

I think I’d like either Kathy Griffin, Chelsea Handler or Whitney Cummings to be reading my blog. Those three ladies are my absolute favourite comedians (comediennes?) because they’re rude, they swear, they’re incredibly sarcastic, and they just don’t seem to give a fuck about what comes out of their mouths (and perhaps even what goes into their mouths).

I’ve always been a fan of Kathy Griffin, but even to this day, I still think one of the best moments was during one of her shows when she toured Australia, and at one point she called Oprah a cunt.

The entire theatre full of people collectively gasped (and clutched their invisible pearls), and it’s something that I will remember for the rest of my life. It was pure comedy gold.

I love the way she dishes dirt on Hollywood A-listers, and isn’t afraid to speak her mind and stand up for the GLBTQIA community. She’s just fantastic. I would love to be able to meet her and hang out, so we can be sarcastic and bitchy and gossipy together… and then she can offer me a job to work for her and I can play with her dogs, and Tiffany (her assistant) can show me around L.A.

Another Hollywood bitch I’d love to read this blog is Chelsea Handler.

This sarcastic bitch is basically me… but with a vagina and a drinking problem. I love her. She’s also another person I would love to meet and hang out with. She’s crass and blunt and a bitch… she’s basically a gay man… but with lady bits. And, she’s friends with Kathy Griffin as well, so it’s a match made in bitchy gay heaven.

She’s also friends with the third person on my list is, of course, Whitney Cummings.

This bitch is not afraid to do anything. She’s a loudmouth, she’s obnoxious, she never shuts up, she’s a bitch and she’s sarcastic and I love her. Her sense of humour is just as twisted as both Kathy and Chelsea, and she’s besties with Chelsea – always getting up to no good whenever they’re together (because Chelsea always talks about it on her show). I would love to meet her, hell, I’d love to sit down and meet all three of them. At once.

I’d love nothing more to be in a position to be able to hang out with Hollywood comedians – they just make me laugh so much, and I get their humour, and I can’t help but feel they’d get mine as well… *sigh* if only.

 

 

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Adorably obnoxious? Or obnoxiously adorable??

A co-worker and I have developed this great relationship / friendship. We have been working together for a couple of years now, and we both have the same sense of humour – dark, twisted and inappropriate. The kind of humour that results in one of us suggesting “cancer” whenever the other complains about a headache, or a pain elsewhere in the body.

So offensive!

She always tells people that we speak two languages:

  1. English
  2. Gibberish

Funnily enough, when we speak our ‘gibberish’ language, we actually understand each other… But I suppose it doesn’t help that we’re both old enough to know better. Sometimes I wonder what the other employees here REALLY think of us when we get together because it’s generally looking at cat stuff on the internet, sending each other funny-yet-pointless links to pages, or talking in ridiculously high-pitched voices to one another.

Yes, some have told us to shut the fuck up, on occasion. Some have told us to stop being so obnoxious. 

This is where adorably obnoxious was created. “She said we’re just being obnoxious. I say we’re being adorable! Adorably obnoxious!!”

“OR obnoxiously adorable”, I chimed in.

 

Now we have our little moments and sometimes in the midst of all our hilarity, we’ll both go silent and just look at each other…

“Adorably obnoxious!”, she proclaims.

“Obnoxiously adorable!”, I say.

 

What’s the point of telling you that story? Nothing really. I just felt like I should explain why I’ve called my blog this.

THAT, and the fact that I couldn’t really think of anything else in the moment. I might change it… see what happens.

The truth is, that I have a lot to say. There’s a lot going on in my head and I need an avenue to direct it all.