Daily Prompt – Secret Admirers

You return home to discover a huge flower bouquet waiting for you, no card attached. Who is it from — and why did they send it to you?

Philip arrived home to see a perfectly arranged bouquet of flowers waiting for him behind the pillar on the front porch. Such vibrant colours, and so elegantly presented. He bent down to pick them up and then searched for the card, turning the arrangement around nervously in his hands.

No card. Continue reading

Daily Prompt – Long Exposure

Among the people you’ve known for a long time, who is the person who’s changed the most over the years? Was the change for the better?

There are a number of people that I know that have gone through significant changes in their time – marriage, divorce, kids, deaths, sickness and injuries etc and they’re all and amazing test of character and resilience, however there is one type of person I’d particularly like to focus on…

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Apr 1 – Scandalous

What’s the most scandalous thing you’ve ever done?


…lets just say that there are some things in life that are meant to remain so private and never be spoken of.

I’ll be honest to the point in saying that I’ve done quite a number of things in my life that are rather scandalous, however, they’re not exactly things that I’m prepared to talk about… In fact I’m pretty sure that I’ll be taking them to my grave.


Daily Prompt: Pour Some Sugar on Me

What is your favorite sweet thing to eat? Bread pudding? Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies? A smooth and creamy piece of cheesecake? Tell us all about the anticipation and delight of eating your favorite dessert. Not into sweets? Tell us all about your weakness for that certain salty snack.


For people like me, who have a real severe sweet tooth, having to pick one, has the same dread as a parent having to pick their favourite child. How can I possibly pick my favourite sweet thing to eat??

There’s simply too many choices.

At this precise moment, I could totally murder a family-sized custard tart… or an entire cake – like a chocolate Swiss roll, or a butter cake, or like a half-dozen chocolate croissants. Or an entire packet of biscuits – I don’t really care what type of biscuits, just as long as I get to eat an entire packet (or three) of them.

I have a weakness when it comes to sweet things and desserts. And I mean major weankess!! I just can’t restrain myself. In my drawer at work, more specifically my bottom drawer, is where I keep most of my food – like all my crackers, and tins of tuna, and powdered soup packets… but I also have my rectangular plastic container.

In that container I usually have it filled with a few different sweet-snacky things. At the moment I have a few individual packets of low-calorie berry-flavoured biscuits – they’re new on the market, so I decided to try them. In every flavour.

I also have these small banana and choc-chip two-bite snack cake things. Naturally there was three different flavours when I first discovered them, so had to buy a box of each, and have also slowly eaten my way through those as well.

Not to mention the odd mini packet of flavoured Tim Tams… or the odd chocolate bar…

Oh and when one of the parents brings a chocolate fundraising box to work, I’m gladly donating money to that… simply because I can get giant Freddo Frogs and Caramello Koalas for a dollar… A WHOLE DOLLAR!!

I don’t actually think it really matters what the item is, as long as it’s sweet and there’s plenty of it, I’ll go to town with it. Block of chocolate… it’ll be all gone within minutes. I don’t seem to be able to restrain myself, or slow down to savour the flavour, or enjoy the moment… my brain will see a block of chocolate, an entire cake, a box of truffles etc as a challenge and say ‘Right. See all of that?? How fast can you get that into your belleh?? You’ve got a 5-minute time limit. If you can’t finish that whole thing within five minutes, then you’re nothing more than an embarrassment. And a failure. A completely embarrassing failure. You make me sick. What the fuck is wrong with you? What do you mean you don’t feel well?? How dare you let that stop you?! GET OUT OF MY SITE IMMEDIATELY!!’

When I was younger, it was even worse. I had something called ‘The Oprah Box’, which was stashed away within the depths of my wardrobe. It was a red square box, and it was always stocked with packets of biscuits and lollies and blocks of chocolate. And I mean always!. Sometimes I’d get home late at night from dancing, and if I was staying up late studying, I’d attack the box. If my homegirl B came over, we’d attack the box together. There was always something in it.

It amazes me how I don’t have diabetes already. God knows I was certainly on the right path to developing it. I think because I actually eat normal food the rest of the time, and it’s actually pretty healthy, plus the fact that I’m quite regularly active at the gym.

As I finish this post, I’m currently sitting in the food court of a city shopping centre… people around me are eating Mickey D’s and it smells so. damn. good. I just wanna go smash down a couple of burgers, but I have to go to the gym later on, and I simply can’t do it to myself.


Daily Prompt: Back on the Chain Gang

We all have jobs, tasks, and chores that we dislike doing. Tell us all about the least favorite job/task/chore that you get stuck doing routinely. What is it about this duty that you can’t stand?


I think that one of the jobs I absolutely hate doing at home is probably cleaning the shower / bath. We don’t clean it nearly as often as we should – don’t get me wrong, it certainly doesn’t look like it’s starting to grow anything hairy, but slowly you begin to notice soap scum marks on the edges and on the glass, and it’s one of those chores that always goes in the ‘I’ll get to that later’ or ‘on my list of things to do’ pile… but you still don’t actually get around to doing it.

Sometimes I have these completely obscure moments where I’ll clean one thing, and it’ll be about 11pm, and then all of a sudden it’s 1am and I’ve done two loads of washing, stacked the dishwasher, wiped down the benches, tidied the lounge room, and cleaned the bathroom sinks and I have that momentary lapse in judgement where I actually consider cleaning the shower…

…then I realise how much of a pain in the arse it is, and I stop my cleaning efforts then and there. I just wish that it wasn’t such a labour-intense job. I wish there was some kind of cleaning solution that I could just spray on, leave, and then rinse off, and all the soap scum would magically dissolve, and take all the dirt with it… There’s stuff on the market that claim to do this, but I’ve tried them, and they don’t work.

Other than that, I actually secretly enjoy other household chores. I really enjoy vacuuming, I find some kind of twisted pleasure in doing the laundry which I will never understand, and I really enjoy stacking the dishwasher… I guess I’m weird like that.


Daily Prompt: It’s Friday, I’m in Love

Remember your first crush? Think about that very first object of your affection. Oh, the sweaty palms. The swoony feeling in your stomach. Tell us the story of your first crush. What was it about this person that made your heart pound? Was the love requited? Change the names to protect the guilty or innocent if you must! No judgement here. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Oh, god which one do I write about? First girl crush, or first boy crush??

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Daily Prompt: Groupthink

Write a post that includes dialogue between two people — other than you. (For more of a challenge, try three or more people.)

Sophie couldn’t take it anymore. The unhappiness of her husband’s infidelity was slowly destroying her. She loved him so very much, but at the same time felt so completely betrayed by him. She had known about this for almost twelve months, but had said nothing. It also wasn’t the first time they had had major problems in their relationship. She wasn’t sure what to do, she didn’t want anybody else to know the intimate details of their marriage problems, so she kept everything to herself. Day after day, month after month, the pain just kept eating away at her, and slowly her love for this man, her husband, was becoming more and more a feeling of resentment.

She’d been wanting to say something to him for a while, but she never had the courage to do so. She was too afraid of the confrontation. She was too afraid of how he would react, especially if it was anything like that other time. She vowed to avoid anything that would lead tohim reacting like that again. But most of all, she was afraid for the kids. Her two young sons who knew nothing of the problems in their parents marriage.

Sophie: Hey Steph, it’s me.

Stephanie: Hey, what’s going on?

Sophie: *exhales* not much, just finished hanging out the washing, and put on another load. Thought I’d have a break before I start the vacuuming.

Steph: Jesus, you just don’t stop do ya? You’re like a machine… you’re always doing something, cleaning something, driving somewhere, picking up kids…

Sophie: *laughs* hehehehe yeah, tell me about it. Story of my life. Ugh, girl, I need a fucking holiday.

Steph: Well, then why don’t you and Nathan plan a little getaway somewhere? You two should go away for a long weekend or something. I’ll watch the kids, and you two can… y’know, reconnect. hehehe.

Sophie: HA! Yeah right. The last thing I’d want to do is be alone and feel obligated to reconnect.

Steph: What do you mean? It’d be great for you two. I can’t even remember the last time you two had a holiday…

Sophie: Well… there was…

Steph: *interrupting* No, you’re trip to Cairns doesn’t count, because you had the kids. When was the last time you had a break or a holiday without the kids? Just you two?

Sophie: uuummmm….

Steph: EXACTLY!! Even I’m struggling to think about it… and I reckon you haven’t had a break alone since you had J-J… and that was, what, 12 years ago or something. You’re overdue. So, why don’t you plan it… it doesn’t have to be soon.. make it for a couple of months or something…

Sophie: mmmm… nah, I don’t…

Steph: *interrupts* yeah, make it for like June – July. GO somewhere tropical so you can get a bit of sunshine. You need to get that white body into the sunshine from time to time… Or I’m gonna have to start calling you Casper.

Sophie: Hhehehe. Bitch.

Steph: Seriously, do you want me to help you plan it? it’ll be great… You just need to pick a date, and then get work to approve a day or two of leave so you can really make a proper break out of it. I’ll help you organise flights and hotels and stuff. Oh yay, now I’m excited!!

Sophie: You can’t help yourself, can you?

Steph: Not really. Besides, what are sisters for. It’ll be fun… Then when I need you to look after Emily, I’m gonna call in that favour. hehehe

Sophie: Yeah, yeah. No, I don’t think I want to go away to connect.

Steph: What do you mean?

Sophie: I mean, I think I’d rather disconnect instead.

Steph: What do you mean?

Sophie: I think I want to leave Nathan.

Steph: Wait, what?

Sophie: Yeah, I think I want to leave Nathan.

Steph: Oh my god, honey, why? What’s going on?

Sophie: Oh, well, it’s just… there’s been a few issues going on, and I’m not really sure what to do but I don’t think I want to stay married anymore. I think I want to get a divorce.

Steph: Wait, back the fuck up. You want to get divorced? Shit, honey, that’s serious. What’s wrong? Are you okay? Has he hurt you at all… I swear to god…

Sophie: No, no, it’s nothing like that. You know I’d never allow him to lay a hand on me…

Steph: Yeah, well good. If he did, I’d fucking kill him.

Sophie: Hehehe. Anyway, *sigh* I’m not sure how exactly to say this to you, but thing’s aren’t great with Nathan and I.

Steph: What? Wh-what do you mean?

Sophie: Um… there’s been a lot of problems in our marriage. A lot of problems… and I’m not sure what to do about them anymore.

Steph: What do you mean, problems? Is everything okay? Why do I not know about this? Why haven’t you said anything.

Sophie: I.. I just… I didn’t want other people to know about my personal life, because I don’t want people talking about me behind my back. I… *sigh* I just thought that I’d be able to handle everything by myself. I thought if I ignored it, then it would be fine; that it would go away and everything would go back to normal.

Steph: Um, are you kidding me? What the fuck, Soph? What’s happening? You know you can tell me anything… ANYTHING!! Why haven’t you told me anything before?

Sophie: I was too scared. I didn’t want you to judge me.

Steph: Of course I’m going to judge you, I’m your sister, that’s what I do.

Sophie: Steph…

Steph: I’m kidding. You know I’m always here for you. I’d do anything for you, I love you.

Sophie: I just don’t know what to do… I know I need to do something, but I’m not sure what. I know that our relationship has changed, well, for me it has, and I know that it’s not getting better. I know that something needs to be done, and I think that I need to divorce him. But I’m just too scared to say anything to him in case he blows up again like he did last time. I don’t want to get the kids involved, but if we get divorced, then they’re going to be involved regardless, and I don’t want to put that on them – it’s just too much too handle, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do… I’m scared Steph…

Steph: Hang on, hang on… do you want me to come over?

Sophie: NO! No, please don’t. You know how he feels about me having people over… I don’t want to upset him.

Steph: This isn’t you. You’re acting like a scared little puppy. Do you want to meet me for coffee instead, and we can go to Luciana’s for coffee and talk?

Sophie: No, I have to be here when he gets home, or he’ll get mad again. I don’t want to make him mad.

Steph: What the fuck has gotten into you. Are you sure he’s not hurting you. Is he hurting you?

Sophie: No. Don’t be silly.

Steph: You’re acting like one of those crazy bitches from the news… those ones with abusive partners, but they love them… what’s that called again… ‘Fucking Crazy Stupid Bitch Syndrome’??

Sophie: I think you mean Stockholm Syndrome?

Steph: Whatever. Either way, that’s what you’re sounding like. You’re starting to scare me – tell me what’s going on!!

Sophie: He’s not hurting me…


Sophie: I found out Nathan had an affair.

Steph: what?

Sophie: Well, I think he had an affair.


Sophie: I’m not entirely…

Steph: *interrupts* I’LL FUCKING KILL HIM MYSELF!!

Sophie: Steph… It’s not..


Sophie: Steph… Stop! I don’t know for sure if he’s had or is having an affair, but I’ve found stuff to suggest that maybe he is…

Steph: Well, did you ask him about it?

Sophie: No. Oh god no, of course not.

Steph: Well why the fuck not? You have a right to know!

Sophie: I only found out because I was snooping through his phone.

Steph: Well, did you have any reason to suspect anything to warrant searching his phone…

Sophie: I know it was wrong…

Steph: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Listen to what you’re saying. You think it was wrong to go snooping through his phone, because you had reason to suspect something was wrong. How about HE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN HAVING A FUCKING AFFAIR IN THE FIRST PLACE TO WARRANT YOU SNOOPING AROUND!!! What a cunt!! What a dirty, low-life, scum-sucking son-of-a-cunt!!

Sophie: STEPH!! STOP IT!!

Steph: Seriously? are you kidding me?

Sophie: So anyway, I was looking through his phone one night, simply because I wanted to have a look at some of the photos we took on J-J’s birthday… but as I was flicking through them, I found a secret folder marked ‘Private’.

Steph: Well, naturally you’re going to want to see what’s in there…

Sophie: But it’s got a password on it.

Steph: OF COURSE IT DOES. Which means he doesn’t want anybody else to see what’s in it…

Sophie: Exactly. So I tried a few different password combinations, and finally unlocked it, and there they were…

Steph: What?

Sophie: An entire folder full of photos of all these different women.

Steph: What, like porn?

Sophie: Well, not unless one of those ladies happens to also be the mother of one of the kids J-J goes to school with…

Steph: WHAT?

Sophie: Yeah. There were photos of her in different types on underwear, lingerie, and a whole heap of naked ones… and even really naked ones…

Steph: What do you mean really naked?

Sophie: I’m talking like I can literally see what the bitch ate for breakfast…. or she just got fisted before taking the photo…


Sophie: Yeah… but there were a few other women in there as well. Not porn shots or anything, but actual real everyday women… So then I went through his messages. He’s been messaging a few different women as well…

Steph: What a cunt!!

Sophie: Stop using that word! I hate that word!

Steph: I know you do, but it’s the only word to describe him right now…

Sophie: Anyway, so I found a couple of different messages… going on about how he had a great time and we should meet up again… or wanting to know if they were available for a lunch-time meeting… or one of my favourites ‘next time, you can go down on me in the backrow instead’… or my personal favourite, and I quote ‘I’ll just tell her that I’m working late, and then I’m going to drive over to your place, rip your clothes off and destroy that wet pussy of yours so you can’t stand proplerly’.

Steph: *silence*

Sophie: Steph? Steph, are you there?


Sophie: Steeeph?? Are you still there?? Damnit, I lost her…

Steph: No, No, I’m still here… I’m just… I don’t know what to say… I’m lost for words.

Sophie: Yeah… I know what you mean.


Sophie: I know, I know, and this is why I didn’t tell you anything. I knew you’d get upset.


Sophie: I think it’s called rage, and yes, I’ve been there. In fact, most of the time when I see him, I just feel pure rage, but I don’t dare confront him about it. I don’t want to upset him.

Steph: See, that’s your problem right there… ‘Crazy Bitch Syndrome’. NOBODY should ever feel like that in their relationship. Why are you so afraid to call him out on it? What’s got you so scared? You said that he’s never hit you… so then why is it that you can’t confront him and fight about it like normal people??

Sophie: I just… I can’t. Last time I confronted him about something, he got so mad. I was so scared. Not for me, but for the kids.

Steph: If he hasn’t hit you, or threatened to hit you, then there’s nothing to be afraid of. Did he threaten the kids?

Sophie: No.

Steph: Well, then did he threaten to divorce you?

Sophie: No.

Steph: Kick you out?

Sophie: No, nothing like that.

Steph: Then what? What are you so afraid of?

Sophie: *exhales* So, remember a couple of years ago, when we went to Simone and Peter’s dress-up dinner party?

Steph: Yeah.

Sophie: Well, do you remember the costumes that we had?

Steph: Yeah, um… Bonnie and Clyde or something, right?

Sophie: Yeah, well, I kept telling him about the party that was coming up, and asking him if he had any suggestions for a costume, and he said no. I asked him, and I asked him, and I asked him so many times, and then all of a sudden it was the day before, and we hadn’t organised anything, so I went to costume hire place and just got the outfits.

Steph: Yeah…

Sophie: Well, when he got home, he was already so mad, and I didn’t want to show him the costume… but it was too late, and we just had to get ready and head over straight away so we weren’t late.

Steph: Yeah…?

Sophie: He was so angry. WE were in the car and he didn’t say a word to me. Even at the party, he was acting as though everything was fine, and a couple of times when I went to kiss him, he pulled away and told me to “get the fuck away from him”.

Steph: What a prick!

Sophie: It was like that the whole night. Even after we’d gotten home. I decided to have a drink, so i opened a bottle of wine and he came into the kitchen, and got right up to my ear and said “if you ever do shit like that again, I’m going to fucking kill you, and make it look like an accident. I will shoot you in your sleep, and shoot myself to make it look like an armed robbery. Do you understand?!” And then walked off upstairs.

Steph: what. The. Fuck?!

Sophie: Yeah. I know, right.

Steph: So what did you do?

Sophie: Well, I didn’t know what to do. My husband had just threatened to kill me, Steph. The first thing I thought of was, ‘oh my god, I need to get the fuck out of this house!’, but I couldn’t leave the kids, if he was going to threaten me like that, then who’s to say that he wouldn’t do the exact same thing to the kids, or worse… And I wanted to go to the cops, but what would that do? ‘Oh, yes, excuse me officer, my husband has just threatened to kill me, but if you ask him about it, he’ll just say that I was dreaming, or I was drunk because I had a glass or two of wine, and then as soon as you leave, he’ll probably beat me to within an inch of my life, or actually kill me.’ They’ll just think I’m a raving lunatic… And then of course, what happens to the boys??

Steph: Okay, clearly you’re so incredibly fucking terrified, because you obviously don’t understand the severity of this situation, If your husband has threatened to kill you, then you do something about it. You take the kids and you get the fuck out of there. He’ll, I’ll drop everything and come with you just to make sure that you’re not alone. But apart from that, the first thing you should do is go to fucking cops.

Sophie: Yeah, I know, I know, but I was just too scared. He was already so angry, and if I involved the police he’d be even more upset because I went behind his back and told somebody else about our business.

Steph: bitch, you have lost the fucking plot. What do you mean? He’d get upset because you told somebody…. You mean BECAUSE YOU TOLD SOMEBODY THAT YOUR BATSHIT FUCKING CRAZY HUSBAND THREATENED TO FUCKING KILL YOU!! No, sorry, that’s just totally fucked up. You, are totally fucked up.


And you mean to tell me, that you’ve been having to deal with this for the last few years?

Sophie: …yeah.

Steph: And you’ve never told anybody about this.

Sophie: Nope. You’re the first person I’ve ever told.

Steph: I’m so glad that you finally told somebody. This is not on. We need to do something. We need to go to the cops. We need to get you and the boys out of there sooner rather than later. Have you got any cash out away?

Sophie: Um, we’ve got a bit saved up in one of our savings accounts…

Steph: Right. I’ve got a bit of cash saved up as well. I’m getting you out of there. We’ll pack up some stuff and disappear.

Sophie: Well, I can’t just disappear without saying anything. Can you imagine what would happen? Steph! No! I can’t!

Steph: Well you can’t stay there. Even if you want to take a chance that he’s just full of shit and just shooting his mouth off, it’s not safe for you there.

Sophie: I know what you’re saying, trust me, I hear what you’re saying, but this has been going on for so long already…

Steph: Oh, so then his bark is worse than his bite.

Sophie: Well, I have been making sure that I don’t do anything to instigate a situation. I know where the line is, and I know not to cross it. It’s been fine, so long as I don’t cross the line, but when he does, then it’s pretty bad.

Steph: I don’t want to hear this any more. I just want to get you out of there. Now. I need you to get out of there NOW!!

Sophie: *sigh*… No, you’re starting to overreact. I get that you’re worried, trust me, honey, I get that and I love you for being so protective, but I don’t need to just… runaway from everything. I can’t. I just can’t.

Steph: But what if you stay and something happens. I mean, it’s not like he’s actually going to shoot you, but it’s bad enough that he’d make threats like that… as though he’s put perhaps a bit too much thought into that whole situation.

Sophie. Well, I did go and make sure that there were no bullets in the gun. I threw them away in the rubbish.

Steph: Huh?

Sophie. The gun. Nathan’s gun. I know where he hides it, and I’ve thrown out all the bullets.

Steph: Hang on.. HE’S GOT A GUN?!?

Sophie: Well, yeah, why do you think he says he’s going to shoot me. He’s told me a number of times that there’s a bullet with my name written on it…

Steph. I can’t listen to this any more. This is just spiraling out of control more and more every time you open your god damn mouth. Now, either you get your shit together and you go to the cops and turn that bastard in…  or I’ll fucking do it for you.

Sophie: …Steph…

Steph: No. I’m fucking serious. You might be the crazy bitch in your bullshit marriage, but that shit is a mess and you need to involve the police. Bottom line: call the cops.

Sophie: …Steph, don’t be like that.

Steph: No. I’m not prepared to take a chance… either you call the cops, or I will.

Sophie hears movement in the next room

Sophie: Shit. Honey, I gotta go. I’m not going to call the cops and neither are you. Just drop it. Love you. I’ll call you later. I gotta go. Bye. bye.

Steph: Soph! Wait… I…

Sophie hangs up the phone and takes a moment to lean against the sink. She let out a great big sigh as she looked out the window and into the distance. She felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She felt as though this moment was the beginning of the end, or at least the next chapter of her life. She stood up and turned around and let out a shriek.

Sophie: JESUS! Nathan you scared the shit out of me

Nathan: Sorry dear. Are you okay?

Sophie: I didn’t hear you come in. You startled me.

Nathan: So who were you talking to?

Sophie: Oh nobody. Just Steph.

Nathan: Uh-huh. And what were you talking about?

Sophie: Oh nothing, just a bit of a catch up.

Nathan. Oh, okay. So you two weren’t plotting and scheming?

Nathan started to walk around the end of the island bench towards Sophie. Sophie, meanwhile started to back-away with extreme cautfion.

Sophie: I… I don’t know what you’re talking about…

Nathan: Oh, okay. So you weren’t talking about running away and calling the cops?

Sophie: No, of course not. Don’t be stupid.

Nathan suddenly lunged at Sophie. She jumped back, but he grabbed her dress, ripping the material as she frantically tried pulling away from him. His hand slipped, and she tripped over his forearm, stumbling briefly before falling down. She kicked her legs as a means to try and escape, but it didn’t work. He grabbed her ankles, and pulled her across the floor as she tried to claw away from him. She kicked and she screamed, as he pulled her closer, until he had climbed on top her. She tried shaking as violently as she good, but to no avail. With one of his hands, he grabbed her tightly around the throat and slowly began to squeeze. The colour in her face started to change colour, and she began struggling to breathe. He knew that all he needed to do was just squeeze a little harder and she’d be out cold. Permanently. Then he realised that he’d be charged with first-degree murder, and he couldn’t go through that.


There was the sound of an almighty smack. Sophie screamed and turned her head away.


Sophie was left laying on the floor shaking, crying, and nursing the bright red hand-print on the side of her face.


Sophie: *through her tears* I’m so sorry darling. I didn’t do anything. It was all Stephanie. She was doing all the talking. I kept telling her she was being ridiculous. I’d never do anything to upset you like that. I love you, baby. I love you so much. I’m sorry that I upset you.

Nathan stood up, and stood over Sophie, before unleashing a powerful and brutal kick to her abdomen, completely winding her and making her double over in excruciating pain. She coughed and wheezed as she tried to gulp down some oxygen, choking from her damaged oesophagus.

Sophie rolled over to see Nathan walking away and up the stairs. She let out a deep, painful moan as she held her abdomen. She took a moment to compose herself, before she began to crawl onto her hands and knees and use the back of a kitchen stool to help her stand up. She managed to make it to her feet, and slumped over the stool in sheer agony, and crying uncontrollably.

From the other end of the kitchen she heard a voice.

JJ: Mummy, are you okay? Why did daddy hurt you again?

Sophie felt as though her entire world has just crumbled around her. The last thing she ever wanted was for either of her children to witness something so horrific. Needless to say she didn’t know how to react if they saw it a second time.

Daily Prompt: The Guilt that Haunts Me

Share a time when you were overcome with guilt. What were the circumstances? How did you overcome your guilt?

It was when I was still living at home with mum. I had met this guy who, back then, I thought was so hot. He was also a former dancer, and I’d met him several years prior, but only when we competed against each other.

It was purely by chance that we happened to bump into each other and this time we were both a bit older… he was only 2 years older than me, but back then, although I was 18, the thought of even seeing another guy freaked the shit out of me, let alone seeing a guy that was older than me. It was outrageous.

It was also a complete secret.

Because I was juggling so many different things during this time: studying full time, dancing at two separate studios, plus rehearsals for a musical theatre production; I literally felt as though I was doing 18-20hr days… Then I met B.

He turned up to one of our dance rehearsals as he was friends with one of the other guys in the show, and I remember being half-way through one of my routines in the show and I looked up and he was suddenly sitting right in my direct line of sight, and he was staring right at me. He smiled and I completely forgot what I was doing.

I was a bit infatuated with this guy. I was so in awe of him when we used to compete because he was such an amazing dancer, but he was so god damn full of himself and so arrogant. He knew he was incredible, and everybody was beneath him. If I met him now, I’d be so disgusted, but back then, I hated him, and I was jealous of him.

After that rehearsal, I just left straight away. I couldn’t think properly, I was so exhausted, I just went home and crashed.

The next night, he turned up again, and I coudn’t focus. Why was he even there in the first place? During our rehearsal break, G comes over to me and he’s like ‘Oh my god, so, that guy over there can’t stop talking about you. He wanted to come back tonight just to see you and talk to you. Girl, he’s so into you, and it’s fucking awesome. Go talk to him!’

I was too terrified. I said no and avoided eye contact for the rest of the night.

I had put my hand up to come in on the weekend to help construct and paint sets, and I was working away with a couple of other guys from the crew and B walked past the studio and saw me through the glass and came and said hi. It was one of the most uncomfortable conversations I’d had. I’d never had a boyfriend, let alone kissed anybody, hell, I hadn’t even come out to people – well, except for a couple of my closest friends in the show.

A couple of days later I found myself back at his place after rehearsals making out on his couch. Not long after that I regularly found myself sneaking out of his place in the middle of the night, cycling home through the thick fog, and sneaking into my house.

This went on for a couple of months. Nobody knew. It was such a big secret. I was constantly lying to mum about staying over at friends places during the week – she didn’t know who they were or have their numbers, so I know she couldn’t check up on me and call them. But I was more terrified of either

a) being caught sneaking in;

b) being confronted about it;

c) being ‘outed’ and / or

d) all the above

 However, it got to a point where he was starting to pressure me into actually having sex with him. Just the thought of it terrified me. I knew it was going to hurt, and I’d heard so many horror stories about it – things like tearing and bleeding and incredible pain, and I’m thinking ahhh, no. There will be none of that.

Then it headed south, really quickly. I got too freaked out and just stopped replying to his messages. I stopped visiting him. He started calling and texting me all day long wanting to know what I was doing and when I’d be coming over again. He’d then start waiting for me after rehearsals… at that point I started getting lifts home with friends, just so I wouldn’t have to see him.

He then started following me. Waiting for me outside the library when I was there studying before dance class around the corner and then rehearsals straight afterwards.

Then one particular day he followed me home. And despite trying to keep a distance from him, it didn’t stop him from shouting out to me. Finally, I’d had enough and snapped.

I did a complete 180 and stormed up to him and grabbed him by the collar of his t-shirt and told him to leave me the fuck alone or I’d put him on the ground in a mound of pain. I told him I couldn’t see him anymore and that he was being too intense and obsessive and his stalker behaviour was the icing on the cake and I couldn’t handle that.

He, in turn had a big emotional outburst right there on the footpath.

Sorry B, I’m done.

He told me he loved me. I told him I didn’t want to see him again and that he needed to stop contacting me.

I walked off, locked myself in my room and bawled my eyes out. What the hell was going on… did I just go through my first break-up?? I was an emotional wreck and worst of all, I had absolutely nobody that I could talk to about it.

it was horrible.