25 Aug – Doomed to Repeat

Do you really think we’re doomed to repeat mistakes if we don’t remember them?

 
I think that people need to be determined to want to change and be conscious about their behaviours if they truly want to be able to change.

Daily Prompt: The Great Pretender

Are you full of confidence or have you ever suffered from Imposter Syndrome? Tell us all about it.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

 
Well, after consulting the Wiki link and reading about Impostor Syndrome which I’d never even heard of, I can identify with a number of the traits that are explained in the article… But I would have never entertained the idea of labelling myself as having that ‘condition’.

I wouldn’t say that I’m the sort of person who exudes confidence all the time, in everything I do – but there are certain facets of my life that I know that I’m good at, and excel at, but even in saying that, it’s a quiet confidence. I’m far too humble to walk around thinking that I’m the best at everything. That’s the type of quality that I absolutely cannot stand in other people. I cannot stand arrogance, and I certainly cannot be around that sort of person… Or their ego.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/prompt-the-great-pretender/

Mar 20: Know One’s Self

Benjamin Franklin said: “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” Do you think you know yourself well?

I sit here in this food court, and I can say quite confidently that I know myself quite well. A little too well. I know that there are certain things about me that I like, and there are things about me that I don’t like, and that I hide away in a dark place never to see the light of day. I know that I am full of secrets, regrets, creativity, emotion, talent and ability.

However, there are also certain things about myself that I don’t necessarily understand, or am able to explain. I think I know, however, I’m not entirely sure. For that reason, I sometimes feel like I need to have some kind of intense therapy session, like hypnosis, so I can have somebody tap into my subconscious and extract all the answers I can’t resolve on my own.

In saying that, it’s a concept that intrigues me and terrifies me all at once. I don’t like the idea of not being able to control what I say or do. I’m on of those people who need to stay in control of my own actions. However, secretly I’d want to know what I would say. I know that I’m extremely analytical, especially self analytical, and that can be both a blessing and a burden. Sometimes knowing myself so well can be great because I can make decisions quickly and easily, however, knowing myself also means that I can back myself into a corner, and it’s hard to get myself out from there.

I was thinking about something I read the other day about true happiness, and although I know what I think would make me truly happy, I also think that if I were to have that, it would actually have the opposite reaction, and make me rather unhappy. It’s hard to make those kind of judgements, whilst being able to see the situation from both sides of the fence. Hence why I say it can be a blessing and a burden.

All I know is that I know myself better than anybody else will, and as long as I know who I am, that’s all that truly matters for me.

Day 21 – The End??

You’re almost there! Tell us how you feel about endings.

 

Well today is the last day of the NaBloPoMo writing challenge.

I’m somewhat surprised that I managed to make it the whole month, although, admittedly, I didn’t actually post every day as I had a tendency to skip a couple of days, but then I’d catch up on a few posts all at once. I still managed to address all the prompts, it’s just that it wasn’t exactly one per day, like I was supposed to.

Is that wrong? Am I going to receive some kind of interwebs penalty?

I do feel a sense of achievement, however, it’s not really how I thought I would feel. It’s not the standing-on-top-of-a-mountain-after-hiking-for-several-days-and-nearly-losing-a-leg-but-still-surviving kind of achievement,

 

but more of a pat-yourself-on-the-back / good-for-you kind of achievement.

If anything, it’s like an anti-climax. Whether it’s because the month has just passed so quickly (it’s already been a week since my birthday!!) or because NaBloPoMo (Or NaBlahBlahBlah as I call it) was only 21 prompts, because it didn’t include weekends – it’s over.

I’m actually quite pleased with myself in that I managed to challenge myself, and actually stick to that challenge for the whole month. I’ve gotten into the bad habit of writing my posts either whilst I’m at work, or late at night after Hulk goes to bed. It makes it hard because I haven’t told him that I’ve even been writing this blog, and I’m not entirely sure if I will tell him. I’ll have to address that one at a later point.

Going into this, I really didn’t know what to expect. When I first started thinking about writing a blog, I know that I have a lot to say, I just don’t necessarily know what to write and where to start. I’ve found that having prompts has been really helpful for me to just get words flowing out of my brain. Although the frustration comes in the form of such open-ended questions, because my brain starts racing at a million-miles-an-hour thinking of at least a dozen different possible ways that I can respond. I have a tendency to get over-analytical. If anything, that has been more of a challenge – taking a dozen different answers and trying to focus purely on one response.

Evidently, some of those posts have multiple answers, or at least briefly address a few potential responses and the reasons as to why. I think I would find it much easier if the prompts were more specific. Rather than ask me something like “What is your favourite dish?”, instead try something like “What is your favourite dish that your parents used to make when you were a child”, or “what was your favourite dish that you used to eat when you were a poor student living in a share house?” and I’d be like ‘Well that’s easy, microwave cheesy-pepper rice with tinned tuna’.

I’ve reached a point where I don’t actually want this to end. This has been something that I’ve needed just for me. And I’ve really enjoyed it. I’ve really missed writing. I’ve missed ranting. I’ve missed getting thoughts out of my head and clearing my mind. Before I met Hulk, I used to write a lot. Whether it was just creative writing, or writing in a journal, it was still something, but soon enough I ran out of time for it, and it was abandoned. Forgotten about. Never to be spoken of again.

Like an abandoned baby. Or an abortion. Ooh, too much.

And please, don’t fucking start with me about abortions and being insensitive. Nobody is forcing you to read this. You made a choice to do so. I’m not going to be held responsible for you finding my words on a screen offensive. I’m entitled to an opinion, just like everybody else. Which means my opinion doesn’t have to be the same as your opinion and vice-versa. So go take you two-cents and your ‘I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY’

 

and take it somewhere else.

So although NaBlahBlahBlah has drawn to an end, I think this is merely my beginning. I will be spending the next month looking for another month of prompts to continue my writing. I want to continue my writing habit. I also want to get my other blog idea up and running, but that will take some planning.

So it’s not goodbye, it’s more like ‘It’s been swell, but the swelling’s gone down’.