Day 21 – The End??

You’re almost there! Tell us how you feel about endings.

 

Well today is the last day of the NaBloPoMo writing challenge.

I’m somewhat surprised that I managed to make it the whole month, although, admittedly, I didn’t actually post every day as I had a tendency to skip a couple of days, but then I’d catch up on a few posts all at once. I still managed to address all the prompts, it’s just that it wasn’t exactly one per day, like I was supposed to.

Is that wrong? Am I going to receive some kind of interwebs penalty?

ssshhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnn!!!!

I do feel a sense of achievement, however, it’s not really how I thought I would feel. It’s not the standing-on-top-of-a-mountain-after-hiking-for-several-days-and-nearly-losing-a-leg-but-still-surviving kind of achievement,

Please, be a more generic image...

 

but more of a pat-yourself-on-the-back / good-for-you kind of achievement.

whaddya want, a parade or something?

If anything, it’s like an anti-climax. Whether it’s because the month has just passed so quickly (it’s already been a week since my birthday!!) or because NaBloPoMo (Or NaBlahBlahBlah as I call it) was only 21 prompts, because it didn’t include weekends – it’s over.

I’m actually quite pleased with myself in that I managed to challenge myself, and actually stick to that challenge for the whole month. I’ve gotten into the bad habit of writing my posts either whilst I’m at work, or late at night after Hulk goes to bed. It makes it hard because I haven’t told him that I’ve even been writing this blog, and I’m not entirely sure if I will tell him. I’ll have to address that one at a later point.

Going into this, I really didn’t know what to expect. When I first started thinking about writing a blog, I know that I have a lot to say, I just don’t necessarily know what to write and where to start. I’ve found that having prompts has been really helpful for me to just get words flowing out of my brain. Although the frustration comes in the form of such open-ended questions, because my brain starts racing at a million-miles-an-hour thinking of at least a dozen different possible ways that I can respond. I have a tendency to get over-analytical. If anything, that has been more of a challenge – taking a dozen different answers and trying to focus purely on one response.

Evidently, some of those posts have multiple answers, or at least briefly address a few potential responses and the reasons as to why. I think I would find it much easier if the prompts were more specific. Rather than ask me something like “What is your favourite dish?”, instead try something like “What is your favourite dish that your parents used to make when you were a child”, or “what was your favourite dish that you used to eat when you were a poor student living in a share house?” and I’d be like ‘Well that’s easy, microwave cheesy-pepper rice with tinned tuna’.

I’ve reached a point where I don’t actually want this to end. This has been something that I’ve needed just for me. And I’ve really enjoyed it. I’ve really missed writing. I’ve missed ranting. I’ve missed getting thoughts out of my head and clearing my mind. Before I met Hulk, I used to write a lot. Whether it was just creative writing, or writing in a journal, it was still something, but soon enough I ran out of time for it, and it was abandoned. Forgotten about. Never to be spoken of again.

Like an abandoned baby. Or an abortion. Ooh, too much.

And please, don’t fucking start with me about abortions and being insensitive. Nobody is forcing you to read this. You made a choice to do so. I’m not going to be held responsible for you finding my words on a screen offensive. I’m entitled to an opinion, just like everybody else. Which means my opinion doesn’t have to be the same as your opinion and vice-versa. So go take you two-cents and your ‘I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY’

 

and take it somewhere else.

Day 4 – Change.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

So, I’ve been looking through the list of NaBloPoMo prompts, and this sense of deflation starts to wash over me. How the fuck do I answer that one? What am I supposed to write for this one? Why are these so hard? UGH. I CAN’T DO THIS!! THIS WAS SUCH A BIG MISTAKE!! Then, to add insult to injury, I discover in my Reader, the WordPress Daily Prompts.

Great. Just what I need. MORE writing challenges. Granted, nobody is forcing me to take part in any of these challenges, but I want to. I want to do it to prove something to myself…. I’m just not entirely sure what that is yet. Maybe it’s just to prove that I can stick to something for more than… oh look… shiny things!!

Perhaps that’s the one thing I would change about myself? My evident lack of dedication to things in life. Writing challenges, diets, savings. Y’know, all those great things that people struggle with on a daily basis. Maybe if I was more dedicated to something and actually applied myself, I’d see some kind of results?

But I think that’s too easy of an answer and the question itself is so open and generic. What would you change about yourself? Hands up those of you who just said stuff like ‘I’d change my height / weight / nose / lips / boobs etc’?? CONGRATULATIONS, you’re all superficial. Okay, now raise your hand if your response was ‘I don’t need to change anything about me. You can’t change perfection!’? CONGRATULATIONS, you’re also superficial… AND FUCKING ANNOYING. Actually, you lot can all go and take all your so-called perfection along with your motivational / inspirational quotes that you like to bombard my Facebook newsfeed with and lock yourself away from society. You’re the ones who need to change the most. You’re not fooling anybody with that happy-as-a-pig-in-shit exterior and your fantasy world where everything is just AH-MAH-ZING and you’re blessed to have such wonderful amazing people in your life, and everything’s all puppies and rainbows.

…get me a bucket.

You lot are the ones that make me want to self-harm. I’m not sure exactly what it is about your sickening positivity that sends me into a murderous rage – I haven’t quite worked it out, but something about you makes me want to turn into The Hulk and smash everything.

Those of you who haven’t raised your hand are probably the ones who would respond with something like:

  • I wish I wasn’t so scared of public speaking
  • I’d like to be able to save enough to buy a house / car / boat / vineyard / flock of sheep
  • I wish I had the confidence to ask out that person that I’m interested in
  • I wish I wasn’t afraid of confrontation
  • I wish I wasn’t afraid of rejection
  • I wish I was happy
  • I wish I had children / I wish I didn’t have children
  • I wish I could make time for myself
  • If I could go back in time, I’d make sure I didn’t get married.
  • I wish I went to uni and got a degree
  • I’d like to earn more money
  • ….??

I could quite easily start my own list of things about myself that I’d like to change, and again they’re all things that I could achieve if I could actually apply myself more effectively. Perhaps mine would be to have better time-management skills? Working two jobs and having late nights doesn’t leave much free time for, well, anything. And whilst every single one of us could write a list of things we’d like to change about ourselves as long as our arm, majority of them can actually be achieved.

Who’s to say you can’t go back to uni and start a degree that you wished you did when you were 19? Who’s stopping you from going to take some classes in self-confidence to help get over your fear of public speaking? Why can’t you sell off your children in order to be free and happy?? I’m sure Angelina won’t mind taking them in.

See… I knew this would happen – a tangent. As usual. Where was I? Oh right, change? Well, I’m thinking if I were truly honest with myself, I would probably become more tolerant.

Perhaps I should start taking some pointers from those motivational graphics on my newsfeed?!