What do you do when you’re down to bring yourself a little happy?
It all comes down to the severity of my sadness.
Sometimes, it can be just as simple as calling a friend or watching some cat videos on YouTube. That alone can bring quite a big smile to my face.
However, for more extended or severe moments it can vary. It might need a three-hour vent to Mum, or it might just need sleep. Sometimes I turn to watching movies, in the bath, whilst eating chocolate. Or Sometimes I just go shopping.
You just inherited $1,000,000 from an aunt you didn’t even know existed. What’s the first thing you buy (or otherwise use the money for)?
Twenty years ago, a million dollars would have bought you so much, nowadays, it really doesn’t buy you much. Most people are probably going to say the same generic things like, buy a house, buy a car, go on a holiday, go shopping etc… but the money wouldn’t really stretch that far if they wanted to do all of that.
You’re 12 years old. It’s your birthday. Write for ten minutes on that memory. GO.
I really don’t remember much about my birthdays from when I was a kid – and my family never took photos to document them, the way that we take photo’s to document our lives today.
I think that for my 12th birthday, I had the day off school, (which was something I’ve always done) and spent the day sleeping in before mum and I went into town and mum took me shopping to buy some new clothes, and we went out for lunch at one of our favourite cafe’s called ‘Scribbles’.
Scribbles was this cosy little cafe that we would usually go to. It was long and narrow and had butchers paper across all the tables, and a small terracotta pot of crayons for people to use to draw all over the butchers paper… hence the name Scribbles!
So we ended up there for lunch, and my aunty ended up joining us, which was lovely. We didn’t go out for lunch very often, but when we did, it was always a great time. After lunch, we headed home, and I got to try on all my clothes.
That night, we had also planned on going out for dinner, and I remember that we got ready, and actually got a bit dressed up. Dinner was lovely, albeit a bit rushed before we went off to the local playhouse to see a show. I can’t quite recall which show we saw (because I usually saw something at the theatre on my birthday) which was great. I think it was something like Little Shop of Horrors or some other musical.
Today is your lucky day. You get three wishes, granted to you by The Daily Post. What are your three wishes and why?
I’m going to assume the typical rule with wishes applies: no wishing for extra wishes…??
If that’s the case, then my three wishes are as follows:
1. The ability to time travel
So, this is something that I only recently posted about and then briefly mentioned again but it still is something that I would love to be able to do… not just for a complete do-over of my life, but so I could also go back to specific moments in history. Change people’s past mistakes, however, the difference being that it would also come with real-time technology to allow me to keep track of the immediate changes it makes in the future.
Ironically the first thing that springs to mind is that episode of The Simpsons, where Homer has a time-travelling toaster. He travels back to the dinosaur era, and everything he touches, adversely changes the outcome of present society. (I tried to find a gif or a youtube clip but had no such luck).
2. Never-ending cash
I would like to be able to go and buy stuff, and not have to worry about not having enough money in my account, or having a credit card that’s reached it’s limit. I’d just like to be able to go and buy stuff. If I want to jet off overseas on a whim… book a flight and a hotel and off I go. If I want to go on a trip with friends or family… I could just do so. What shall I do today? Maybe I’ll buy a house. Why? Because I just can!
3. Flexible Work Schedule
Generally speaking, we work 9 to 5, Monday to Friday. Everybody hates Mondays, and everybody loves Fridays. But sometimes we have days where we feel like this:
And this is why I would want a flexible work schedule. Granted, I’d work my wish into having a flexible work schedule at job that I absolutely love (see what I did there!?) but have the ability to just say ‘you know what, I’m done. I’m going to take a few days off’ and then, with my unlimited cash at my disposal, i’m off to the airport and BANG! 6-7hrs later I’m on a beach in Fiji drinking from a coconut and picking sand out of my butt crack.
What is your least favorite personal quality in others? Extra points for sharing your least favorite personal quality in yourself.
Given the reference to Mr. Grinch, would I be right in assuming that you’re talking about people during the festive season?? Yes? No? Let’s just go with that.
So, Christmas. Ugh. As I mentioned recently, I’m not necessarily a fan of Christmas on it’s own… but I think that’s primarily due to the people that I have to deal with during Christmas time. I think that those glamorous, attention-hungry bitches – The Mean Queens kinda summed up the family side with their post about family at Thanksgiving dinnerwhich could easily be applied to Christmas as well!!
It’s really hard to focus on just one quality in people, but I think it’s the people who work retail during christmas. I’m talking about those selfish, lazy tween bitches who think that they’re so incredibly superior to pretty much everybody, but if you dare ask them to actually do something like, oh I don’t know, their job, they roll their eyes, and sigh and groan as if your request is so incredibly unreasonable.
Then there’s those bitches who struggle to even acknowledge your existence, despite you standing in front of them with a handful of cash or a credit card. You stand there and ask them something like ‘So, how’s your day going? You must be incredibly busy around this time of year?’
…and that’s it. Attempt at small talk: FAIL. And that’s if you’re even fortunate enough to actually get a response, let alone an actual word instead of some kind of grunt.
Now, I’m not saying that all retail bitches are like this, just the majority of them. And look, I understand that you’re probably working really long shifts because it’s Christmas, and you’re probably spending your days dealing with shoppers who are fucking retarded and that’s exhausting enough as it is, but if it’s so unbearable for you, then perhaps you shouldn’t be working in retail? Or maybe just don’t work over the Christmas period?
This is why I could never work retail. I’d be fired within the first day, because I’d lose my shit at somebody asking me a dumb question.
Sometimes you run into those ones though – the ones who are in a table-flipping rage, and are already starting to get blunt with shoppers. Hulk told me about an encounter he had a couple of months ago with some bitch in a shop. He approached them about a charity even he was organising, and the girl there interrupted him and didn’t even listen to what he had to say, and then just walked off, leaving him and the other shop assistant standing there speechless.
God knows if it had’ve been me, the diva in me would have come out and words would have been had…!!
Then there’s those bitches who work in a shop that offers gift wrapping. God forbid you actually ask them to gift wrap your purchase for you. It’s bad enough that they have to expend so much energy on scanning a couple of barcodes, tap away at a screen and ask you if you want a copy of your receipt, now they have to go through that physically exhausting process of wrapping it all up.
HOW. DARE. YOU!!
Now, like a very small percentage of the population, I’ll admit that when it comes to gift-wrapping, the gay in me lights up like a fucking beacon and in a heart beat I’m working out colour palettes and card choices. What colour paper should I use? What type of paper should I use? Do I use a satin ribbon, or do I use a sheer ribbon? What if I layer two ribbons and do an elaborate bow? Or do I use some string instead and go minimal? What if I use a box instead? But what if they don’t have that colour? What’s the alternate?
I love that shit.
Evidently, some people really hate it. I remember one particular store I was in last year when I was doing my xmas shopping, they offered to wrap it for me. I quickly looked at what paper / ribbon options they had, and it seemed to be alright. I watched another girl wrapping somebody else’s purchase and she did a great job, and I’m like ‘okay, this looks promising, and it’s one less present I need to worry about. Granted, it’s going to stand out because it doesn’t match my colour palette, but I can live with that’ but then that girl walked out the back and didn’t return.
The girl who did the sale started asking which paper / ribbon combo I wanted.
I made some choices and she started hacking at the paper like a blind 3 year old with plastic scissors…
She was about half way through wrapping it, but it looked as though she had never actually wrapped anything in her life. Like, ever!!
Well, except for maybe all the tween peen she’s been enjoying.
Halfway through, I actually asked her to stop and not worry about it. I may as well just asked a child to wrap it instead. It was an absolute mess.
Sometimes I actually just want to offer my gift-wrapping services to some stores just so those hard-done-by retail bitches don’t have to do it, and completely fuck it up.
So this year, I did most of my shopping online, and it was the best decision. I don’t have to deal with hordes of people at a shopping centre, I don’t have to deal with snotty little retail bitches. It’s just easier.
And just for those of you that love that scene from Bridesmaids so much, have fun with this clip… 🙂