Feb 11: Thoughts in Perspective

What helps you keep thoughts in perspective so they don’t overwhelm you?

*lol* Well, let’s just be honest here… this doesn’t happen.

My mind is constantly whirring with a thousand different thoughts all at once – and each thought is like a never-ending mind map, it’s just that each thought branches off into it’s own though, which in turn branches into another thought… and they all happen simultaneously and it drives me crazy. Being alone with my thoughts is probably one of the worst things, and one of the best things all at the same time.

The worst because it really can become overwhelming, especially if they’re full of emotion and suddenly I’m sitting in the bathtub having a shower at 1am silently crying… yet I might not necessarily know why. But at the same time, whilst I’m crying I’ll be thinking to myself, ‘I really should be writing this. I should be writing about ALL of this’.

WRITE ABOUT ALL THE FEELS!!

But the good thing about these moments of silent-emotional-breakdown, is that it allows me to put the emotion to the side (or, well, outside – in the form of tears / pain / sadness etc) and look at just the facts. Analyse everything. Pros. Cons. Good. Bad. If X then Y. And then I start to look at solutions, alternatives etc.

It’s not necessarily the best way to deal with my thoughts, but like I said, I’m so preoccupied having so many of them now, I really don’t know where to begin. Take this exact moment… finish blog post; post to blog her; oh god I need to poo; damn I can’t stay any longer or i’ll be late for class; I need to change my playlist; i’m so hungry; i want cake; oh, no seriously, i need to poo; i gotta get out of this office; god damn i have so many feelings; wow, I’m really typing quite fast – go me! I can’t sit still properly; i should have another drink of water; i wonder if it still smells like fire outside?; is it hot outside? why haven’t i finished this yet?? GAAAHHH!!!

And that’s normal for me. All at once. I hear all that from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep. All day. CONSTANTLY. It’s almost impossible not to let it get to you and become overwhelming, but I think that because I’ve been like that for so many years, I’m used to it, and to not have such an active brain would probably send me crazy… like certifiably, white jump-suit padded-room crazy.

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